We know that men and women “are that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). I believe that. However, when we look at obtaining joy (and peace, for that matter) as the goal of life, we can put ourselves in a harmful frame of mind and spirit. We create in our minds the idea that suffering is bad. We tell ourselves that if we are experiencing the opposite of comfort and ease, we are not feeling peace and joy.
And when trials come, the seeming absence of peace and joy—or ease and comfort—can create a multitude of problems:
- Spiritual entitlement (Why am I suffering? I keep the commandments.)
- Resentment towards God (Why aren’t You giving me peace and comfort?)
- Guilt (What am I doing to disqualify myself from the blessing of peace and joy?)
- Doubt (Since God isn’t taking this pain away, I wonder if He loves me.)
- Shame (I don’t deserve to feel peace and joy.)
But what if we tweaked our mentality a bit? What if joy was simply one of the byproducts of personal tolerance?
What if our main goal was to learn to tolerate well discomfort and pain and, therefore, find joy and peace in and through our level of tolerance?
A Different Definition of Tolerance
I know. A life of tolerance sounds horrible at first. In part, because we associate the words tolerance or tolerate with meanings like “put up with” or “accept because we have to.” We tolerate going to the dentist, getting shots, and having Thanksgiving dinner with certain family members. We “tolerate” things we don’t like and wouldn’t choose.
These fall under the first and most associated definition of tolerate: to accept or endure something unpleasant or disliked with forbearance. In this light, tolerance is a noble way of handling an unwanted, or even wrong, situation.
However, there is another, more empowering definition of tolerate: to be capable of continued subjection without adverse reaction.
It’s not merely about mindset or surviving but about our capacity to adapt and even thrive in challenging conditions.
How Do We Build Tolerance?
Here’s a beautiful truth: We were created to adapt and even thrive in the adverse conditions of mortality. And building tolerance is key.
Enduring to the end means we train ourselves to tolerate being uncomfortable. It means we strengthen ourselves so we can handle pain and discomfort and even find purpose and understanding—and yes, even joy and peace—in it. We let go of the victim mentality and hold fast to the victor mentality. Because this is how we grow, how we change. How we spiritually mature and progress.
So, how can we do this?
I offer a few things we can try. We can:
- choose to believe that pain does not always equal bad (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7).
- choose to believe that pain does not mean God doesn’t love us (see “Wounded” by Neil L. Andersen).
- understand that pain and discomfort can be consecrated for our good if we allow it (Romans 8:28).
- seek God’s guidance and perspective during hard times (Proverbs 3:6).
- rely on the grace and mercy of the Atonement of Christ to alleviate unnecessary pain (Hosea 14:4).
- nurture gratitude in difficult times (Alma 34:38).
- accept the fact that sometimes life is simply hard (“Legacy of Encouragement” by President Henry B. Eyring).
- learn to embrace God’s will (“Let God Prevail” by President Russell M. Nelson).
The Savior’s Example of Tolerance
I think of the Savior as He hung on the cross, paying the price for our spiritual freedoms. It was beyond uncomfortable.
When my son was five, he drew a picture of this scene. He carefully cut out the figure of the Savior and the two other men, glued them to T-shaped popsicle sticks, planted them in a container, and proudly showed his creation to me. Something caught my eye. The two men hanging behind Jesus were frowning, but Jesus wasn’t. He was smiling. When I asked Spencer why, he replied, “Because He was happy to do it.”
This is divine tolerance. The greatest act of love coincided with the greatest amount of pain and suffering. We can have joy now because Jesus Christ not only endured the pain but thrived in it. In His suffering, His tolerance secured His role as our Savior. He also secured our opportunity to thrive within our own challenges and become like Him, to be “joint-heirs with Christ; if it so be that we suffer with him, that we may be glorified together” (Romans 8:17).
This is not a grim portrayal of an eternal life earned only by sludging through the mortal mud. Life isn’t one big, awful trial after another. On the contrary, there are times when all seems right in the world, times of happiness and peace and even fun. But when challenges arise—and they have and will continue to do so— we have this beautiful realization that it is truly possible to not only survive, but thrive, in them.
We can have divine tolerance.
It is in this divine tolerance that we become like our Savior, where we begin to live like He did and love like He does. It’s in our ability to adapt and even thrive in difficult conditions that allow us to feel, understand, and serve others. As we embrace our growing tolerance for opposition, we can find strength we didn’t know we had and strength given to us from above.
This is the beauty of tolerance. In our ability to tolerate, we truly can find joy in difficult days because we not only believe but also have experienced the truth that “with God, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
For more inspiration on navigating discomfort and pain, see the links below:
▶ Christ’s last gift to His disciples was a form of meditation—one you can still do today
▶ This must-see painting about mental health is resonating with thousands
▶ Can I still have a testimony if I have questions? Sheri Dew’s reassuring answer
▶ Use these 3 ideas to deepen your temple worship and find more happiness
▶ How sisters with cystic fibrosis support each other—even from opposite sides of the veil
