Monte Deere—the chief executive officer of the shoe brand Kizik—and his brother Michael were inseparable growing up. Only 14 months apart, they shared a room for 18 years and were roommates in college.
As they got older, Michael was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and Monte says his brother began to withdraw as he managed difficult medication side effects. Years later, in July 2014, while Monte was serving as a mission president in Spain, he learned that Michael had died by suicide.
“I felt numb,” Monte shared on an episode of LDS Living’s All In podcast. “I felt like I didn't have time to feel, and so I marched through that week, … but frankly, not much grieving, not much feeling at all.”
After time passed, he started to experience more painful feelings and question whether he could have done more to help his brother. But a powerful prompting from the Lord, along with a section from the Doctrine and Covenants, reassured him and helped him to move forward with faith.
A Voice of Comfort
One night, when Monte knelt in prayer in the mission home, he felt a sense of calmness settle over him.
“I heard a voice—not an audible voice, … but a voice nonetheless,” Monte remembers. “I heard three things: ‘Monte, I’ve got Kelly [Michael’s wife] and the kids. Don’t you worry about them.’ Second, ‘I am not finished with Michael.’ And third, ‘You have work to do.’ … Those messages were meaningful to me and still are.”
The truth that God is “not finished” with his brother had a powerful impact on Monte, and he believes that this idea can help reassure others who have lost loved ones to suicide.
“I think those words are real, … and I think you can find signs about that in the scriptures,” Monte explains.
Scriptural Assurance
One scriptural sign that has helped Monte is section 138 of the Doctrine and Covenants. This section has been called the “vision of the redemption of the dead” and teaches important truths about our spirits after this life.
He points out that it is “a revelation given to a father who had lost a son and was asking questions about [him].”
President Joseph F. Smith’s firstborn son, Hyrum, died in 1918 from a ruptured appendix. The loss felt especially painful to President Smith since many suggested Hyrum might have survived had he gone to the hospital sooner.
President Smith recorded the following in his journal:
“I am speechless—[numb] with grief! … My heart is broken; and flutters for life! … O! I loved him! … I will love him forever more. And so it is and ever will be with all my sons and daughters, but he is my first born son, the first to bring me the joy and hope of an endless, honorable name among men. … From the depths of my soul I thank God for him! But … O! I needed him! We all needed him! He was most useful to the Church. … And now, … O! what can I do! … O! God help me!”
Later that year, following the additional deaths of a son-in-law and daughter-in-law, President Smith received the revelation that became Doctrine and Covenants 138. “The revelation he received on October 3 comforted his heart and provided answers to many of his questions,” President M. Russell Ballard taught. “We too can be comforted and learn more about our own future when we and our loved ones die and go to the spirit world by studying this revelation and pondering its significance in the way we live our lives each day.”
Listen to Monte’s full episode on the All In podcast, which is available on all streaming platforms.
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