Forgiveness

Ore Kaffo lived with her foster parents until a fateful day when she was almost 7 years old.

We cannot truly love others until we complete this crucial step.

Manti Te’o was targeted in a high-profile catfishing scam in 2012. The experience brought him to a dark place, but he found light again through Christ.

My ah-ha moment from this week’s reading came from one word found in the family conflict immediately preceding Lehi’s vision.

Sy’s son Zachary was killed in an act of random violence. With the Savior by her side, Sy fought the decades-long battle to forgive his killer and find joy in her life once more.

"When we let go of the other person’s responsibility of making us feel better and we let God make us feel better, then we allow people the space to grow and heal and do whatever they need to do."

Two stories from my recent ‘Come, Follow Me’ studies spoke to my psychologist brain, as I’m constantly seeking better tools for emotional resilience.

It is the Lord who first enters this story. But He isn’t the one who finishes it.

Even since the earliest months after her accident, Heather has been very vocal about telling her story and sharing her testimony. Now, Heather’s husband and daughter share some of the miracles they experienced in the immediate aftermath, too.

“How can I get rid of this feeling? I hate feeling this way.”

The most common inquiry I receive from members of the Church is, “How do I get answers to my prayers?” The next most common is, “How can I know I have been forgiven?”

I’ve always loved the way sisters can learn from each other in Relief Society. And there’s one lesson that forever changed the way I thought about forgiveness.

Knowing the blessings promised to those who forgive can be a powerful motivating force to do so.

At a BYU devotional, Elder Holland spoke about how one family's tragic experiences teach about forgiveness and restitution.

“It was a restless night of facing up to who and what I had been through the years.”

Chris Williams and Cameron White are an unlikely pair to appear on a podcast together, especially when you are aware of the tragedy that brought the two in contact with one another. But that is exactly what happened recently as Williams and White appeared on Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt’s new Headspace podcast, “The Gift of Forgiveness.”

Editor's note: The views, information, or opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the author. Readers should consider each unique situation. This content is not meant to be a substitute for individual, professional advice.

There are many reasons why Jesus came to earth, and our word Atonement has come to embody them all, but I think, if I had to be specific, I would say that the essence of His life centered on forgiveness. In the great hymn of the Restoration, Joseph Smith caught that spirit when he wrote, “Now, what do we hear in the gospel which we have received? A voice of gladness! A voice of mercy from heaven” (D&C 128:19). The Savior is the incarnation, the personification, the grand architect of forgiveness and mercy. It is inherent in almost every act of His life. It is the one single most significant quality of the Father that Jesus came to teach us with His words and show us by His example. Indeed, the most beautiful words He spoke during those last agonizing hours of His life are, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Whenever I feel the difficulty of forgiving in my own life, I read those words and the feeling of forgiveness moves into my soul.

In his book, Let it Go: A True Story of Tragedy and Forgiveness, Chris Williams recounts a tragedy that happened one February night when he, his wife and family of four were hit by a 17-year-old drunk driver on the road. The car accident took the life of his wife, his unborn baby, his 9-year-old daughter, and his 11-year-old son. Through this difficulty, though devasting for Williams, he chose to follow the example of the Savior to forgive Cameron, the 17-year young man, and find room for healing. In this week's episode, All In host Morgan Jones talks with Williams about what he was able to learn from this experience, to "let it go" and move forward despite the loss of his family.

The Savior never allowed the way He was treated to determine how He would treat others. We must steadily and prayerfully strive to do likewise. Far easier said than done. When someone is unkind to us, our first impulse is almost always one of wanting justice. We feel justified in treating an offender in the same way he treated us, the Golden Rule notwithstanding. It’s only fair, we think. Shouldn’t we be allowed to do unto others as they did to us? Experiencing the “mighty change of heart” spoken of by Alma (see Alma 5:14) so that even our responses are motivated by love requires a force stronger than the feelings of anger or even hatred that may so easily beset us. But even before this power can be accessed and applied, our journey toward becoming the Christlike response begins with a choice.

My father suffered all his life from low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. He was raised by an alcoholic father who often told him how worthless he thought he was. Thankfully, my father never became an alcoholic himself, but he never told me and my siblings that he was proud of us or praised us for things we had done well. Growing up, I tried to please him, but I always felt I couldn’t quite make the mark. This caused us to have a strained relationship.

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On 25 July 1987, our family was involved in a catastrophic automobile accident, and, as a result, I have no feeling from my chest down. My husband was killed; I lost a son. I was driving. My seven surviving children and I spent months in hospitals, to be reunited as a family again just before Christmas.

“Angels above us are silent notes taking of ev’ry action; then do what is right!” As a child, I took those hymn lyrics to heart, imagining that someone somewhere was watching my every action and taking note.

From the outside looking in, Crishelle Simons says she grew up in the ideal Latter-day Saint family.

"What I was left with was absolute fear and terror—a loneliness on a level I didn't know existed. I didn't even feel like a human being anymore," Kelly shares of her heartbreaking story of addiction—an addiction that eventually drove her to become a prostitute.

“This message is my message to young people. They should have it in their hearts. Let us dig the soil of bitterness, throw in a seed, show love, and see what fruits it can give.”

I’ve often been accused of burying the lede for the sake of sugar-coated storytelling and creativity. Maybe I can get it right — at least once.

If you knew that there was a possibility you would die in a year, what would you do?

Our Church leaders placed a heavy emphasis on ministering during the October 2018 general conference. They discussed the deep meaning behind the “newer, holier approach” and taught that our brothers and sisters on this earth need us, and we need them.

As we begin gearing up for general conference, we will be highlighting past conference talks to help us review, remember, and grow closer to the Spirit so that we can better recognize the Lord's voice and direction this coming October. The following is a small portion of a talk given by Elder Larry J. Echo Hawk in April 2018. (Read the full talk here.)

Not long ago, a man I know was caught in a web of lies and moral deceit. For some time, he had lived a double life—seemingly devout and committed to the gospel while at home with his wife and children, but while away on frequent business trips, he engaged in serious immorality. As a consequence, he lost his membership in the Church and began a difficult repentance process.

"In the end what defines you is how you react, are the decisions that you make," Elizabeth Smart says in a new video that gained over 2.5 million views in 12 hours. "So I hope that whatever you are faced with, whatever you deal with, you just remember that you are who you decide to be. You are captain of your destiny. You are the one who decides who you are."

"We love him and we forgive him,” an LDS mother said about the man charged with vehicular manslaughter that resulted in the death of her son one week after he returned from his mission.

Although Latter-day Saints are among the best people I know, they are also among the most self-critical. Too often we work hard to improve and repent and then fail to fully claim the “amazing grace” of Jesus Christ. As a psychologist and as a Church member, I’ve struggled to help clients, missionaries, friends, and colleagues let go of excessive self-blame and like themselves again.

In his book Make a Choice: When You Are at the Intersection of Happiness and Despair, New York Times best-selling author Jeff Benedict shares a touching story of one of his former missionary companions, Bruce Jasper. While divorced and living with his widowed mother, Jasper was able to find deep compassion and incredible strength to forgive a stranger who caused him immeasurable pain and suffering. Below, Benedict recalls his friend's tragic yet hopeful story:

Editor's note:

"I believe God is a god of second chances and everyone has the right to make things right when they have gone down a mistaken path,” Jennifer Jasper said about the man who killed her son. "I do believe in second chances and a fresh start."

"If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being," President James E. Faust testified when he spoke on the healing power of forgiveness. "Some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become 'less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,' which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes 'that forgiveness . . . is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves.'"

Keep your eye on the ball,” whispers the golf coach, encouraging the player to maintain her focus solely on the goal, which is to hit the ball in precisely the right way to get a hole in one. Well, maybe someday.

Elder Ronald E. Poelman of the Seventy spoke of the message of Hosea:

“The Savior’s Atonement is not just for those who need to repent; it is also for those who need to forgive. If you are having trouble forgiving another person or even yourself, ask God to help you. Forgiveness is a glorious, healing principle.”

I struggled writing this. First of all, I didn't want to come off as jaded. Second, I didn't want to sound like I was trying to encourage discord within ward families.

William Shakespeare wrote:

“Go home! You can’t enter Jerusalem! Go back!” the soldier at the checkpoint screamed at me. This soldier who had invaded my country was now telling me that I was denied access to the city of my birth. I tried to form angry words to respond to his unjust act but was halted by the words of the Savior echoing in my ear: “Love your enemies.”