Infertility is a hard subject for couples in the Church, where the family is the focus. It can cause tremendous stress in a marriage, pain, and questioning. Recently, Alo Moli shared his story on Twitter about his family's struggle with infertility and faith. The following story has been edited for length and clarity.
Disclaimer: The following Twitter thread contains one mild profanity.
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I’ve been waiting three-and-a-half years to post this particular story because it’s one that is dear to me. . . . But before I continue, I want to start from the beginning:
March 2012: My wife and I had met in Arizona while she was attending Arizona State University and I was playing football for Mesa Community College.
As time passed on, my wife and I eventually dated and after a year, decided that we wanted to be married. I can’t tell you how much I loved this woman and on the daily, thanked God for her and all she was.
During that time we spoke about how many kids we wanted, the house we were wanting to build together, and how excited we were for starting our future together.
We got married here in Utah and I still can remember how amazing that day was. It was beautiful and the weather was just right for us. My heart was full and there was nothing more beautiful than seeing my wife in her wedding dress.
We still continued with sharing our dreams of our future with one another . . . but little did we know of the trials and struggles that lied ahead just months after we had made our decision to be married.
It seemed that our dreams of becoming a family were overshadowed by hospital visits and I had to stop the pursuit of my football career to take care of the love of my life.
These hospital visits brought heart-wrenching news that devastated both my wife and I . . . that we may never have the opportunity to have children of our own.
My heart pleaded to God and asked Him that if it were in the cards, to just bless us with one child. There were nights where I felt completely hopeless and in addition to that, I would hear my wife cry herself to sleep thinking that this was somehow her fault . . .
No matter what I said, she would always apologize: “Also . . . I’m so sorry I can’t have kids. I’m sorry that I can’t give you what we wanted. I’m just sorry for everything.” There was nothing I could do or say to convince this wonderful woman that this wasn’t her fault.
We were close to accepting the fact that we may never have children, but with the announcements of our close friends being pregnant as well as our immediate family, the void became even bigger and I eventually became jealous of their happiness.
It got to the point that they were afraid to announce their pregnancies around us because of our current situation and did not want to be insensitive. We felt horrible for not being able to express how happy we were for them, but they knew deep down that we were hurting . . .
Never in a million years did I think that this beautiful woman who I had vowed to protect and take care, would ever look as if life had defeated her. I felt that the prayers I had poured out above were left unanswered and left my faith wavering.
As soon as we had given up all hope, the idea of becoming foster parents came up. I’ll admit at first that I was very much against it because I wasn’t sure how I felt about taking in a child I didn’t birth. As harsh as it sounds, I was still bitter we had to go this route.
My heart had softened the day I received a call from my brother while I was flipping a home in Holladay, Utah. Him: “Hey bro, I know you and Ash have been wanting to foster for quite some time and we have good news for you. We have a family of three who was just placed in the state's custody that is needing a home and you were the first ones I wanted to talk with. Talk to her and let me know.” I called my wife with the news and I was so nervous and anxious because this might actually be happening. We had spoken for what seemed like an eternity and came to the decision that we were going to take them in. I called my brother and he then explained to me: “Man, you know what? I just found out that the three are actually a part of a family of six. Now I know that this seems like a bit of a reach, but I know that if anyone can do it, you and your wife can.”
My wife and I talked for a little bit and there was no way we would separate this family and told my brother that we would take all six of them in. We took in this family of six and they looked like they were just as defeated as we were . . . and we were okay with that. All we wanted to give them was the love we’ve been yearning to give our unborn children.
As the months went by, we learned that our children had more needs than we had anticipated.
Four of the six are special needs, and although that didn’t change how we loved them, it was pretty hard to understand their ways of thinking and how to raise their delicate lives. We read and experimented different ways, but what I loved most: My wife was getting her light back.
I cried watching her pick up our younger ones and make sure they knew that “mom” loved them no matter what. She carried their load of what they missed out and replaced it with the love of her own and *** it was the most beautiful thing I had ever encountered.
She helped our teens understand the true meaning of hard work and dedication and that just because they had special needs, that didn’t dictate how they would live the rest of their lives. Three years later: April 3rd, 2018 We made it official and adopted these beautiful blessings. They took on my last name as Molis and even changed their names and incorporated names from my wife’s side, and they also took on Tongan names after my immediate family.
Our journey to get to this point was worth every ounce of what is left today: Love. Loving them regardless of their situation and history of where they came from.
If you or anyone is struggling with infertility, I’m here for you. I understand that at times it feels like a lonely road, but I’m here to lend an ear.
Thank you for reading our story and we hope that it brought you as much happiness as it did with us.
A THREAD: I’ve been waiting 3 and a half years to post this particular story because it’s one that is dear to me. Originally I had posted this back in April, but due to the privacy laws here in UT that protect children who are in states custody, I was asked to take it down — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Until today. But before I continue, I want to start from the beginning: March 2012: My wife and I had met in Arizona while she was attending Arizona State University and I was playing football for Mesa Community College. pic.twitter.com/B6hzKUd15X — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
As time passed on, my wife eventually dated and after a year, decided that we wanted to be married. I can’t tell you enough how much I loved this woman and on the daily, thanked God for her and all she was. pic.twitter.com/Pch5JFJ69R — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
During that time we spoke about how many kids we wanted, the house we were wanting to build together, and how excited we were for starting our future together. pic.twitter.com/pIJmRM43Z8 — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
August 3rd, 2013: We got married here in Utah and I still can remember how amazing that day was. It was beautiful and the weather was just right for us. My heart was full and there was nothing more beautiful than seeing my wife in her wedding dress. pic.twitter.com/YgkVpqvj9F — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
We still continued with sharing our dreams of our future with one another....but little did we know of the trials and struggles that lied ahead just months after we had made our decision to be married. pic.twitter.com/nG29ptNPOz — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
It seemed that our dreams of becoming a family were overshadowed with with hospital visits and I had to stop my pursuit of my football career to take care of the love of my life. pic.twitter.com/aq7WYfYJCi — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
These hospital visits brought heart wrenching news that devastated both my wife and I....that we may never have the opportunity to have children of our own. pic.twitter.com/Utp8cJeJwh — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
My heart plead to God and asked him that if it were in the cards, to just bless us with one child. There were nights where I felt completely hopeless and in addition to that, hearing my wife cry herself to sleep knowing that this was somehow her fault.... — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
No matter what I said, she would always apologize: “Alo....I’m so sorry I can’t have kids. I’m sorry that I can’t give you what we wanted. I’m just sorry for everything.” There was nothing I could do or say to convince this wonderful woman that this wasn’t her fault. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
We were close to accepting the fact that we may never have children...but with the announcements of our close friends being pregnant as well as our immediate family, the void became even bigger....and I eventually became jealous of their happiness. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
It got to the point that they were afraid to announce their pregnancies around us because of our current situation and did not want to be insensitive. We felt horrible for not being able to express how happy we were for them, but they knew deep down that we were hurting.... — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Never in a million years did I think that this beautiful woman who I had vowed to protect and take care, would ever look as if life had defeated her. I felt that the prayers I had poured out above were left unanswered and left my faith wavering. pic.twitter.com/smmuqfkH9V — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
As soon as we had given up all hope, the idea of becoming Foster Parents came up. I’ll admit at first, that I was very much against it because I wasn’t sure how I felt about taking in a child I didn’t birth. As harsh as it sounds, I was still bitter we had to go this route. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
My heart had softened the day I received a call from my brother while I was flipping a home in Holladay, UT. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Him: “Hey bro, I know you and Ash have been wanting to foster for quite some time and we have good news for you. We have a family of 3 who were just placed in states custody that are needing a home and you were the first ones I wanted to talk with. Talk with her and let me know.” — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
I called my wife with the news and I was so nervous and anxious because this might actually be happening. We had spoken for what seemed like an eternity and came to the decision that we were going to take them in. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
I called my brother and he then explained to me: “Man...you know what? I just found out that the 3 are actually a part of a family of 6...now I know that this seems like a bit of a reach, but I know that if anyone can do it, you and your wife can.” pic.twitter.com/bczEwfP5m3 — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
My wife and I talked for a little bit and there was no way we would separate this family and told my brother that we would take all 6 of them in. pic.twitter.com/ZPAzD7zSBQ — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
March 30th, 2015: We took in this family of 6 and they looked like they were just as defeated as we were...and we were okay with that. All we we wanted to give them was the love we’ve been yearning to give our unborn children. pic.twitter.com/Y4yCugZGnp — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
As the months went by, we learned that our children had more needs than we had anticipated. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
4 of the 6 are special needs and although that didn’t change how we loved them, it was pretty hard to understand their ways of thinking and how to raise their delicate lives. We read and experimented different way, but what I loved most: My wife was getting her light back. pic.twitter.com/v2qTAZEpXA — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
I cried watching her pick up our younger ones and made sure they knew that “mom” loved them no matter what. She carried their load of what they missed out and replaced it with the love of her own...and dammit was it the most beautiful thing I had ever encountered. pic.twitter.com/G4Iupfry49 — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
She helped our teens understand the true meaning of hard work and dedication and that just because they had special needs, that didn’t dictate how they would live the rest of their lives. pic.twitter.com/bCguhrSsHd — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
3 years later: April 3rd 2018 We made it official and adopted these beautiful blessings. They took on my last name as Moli’s. pic.twitter.com/FQB3xI5haI — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Pics cont. pic.twitter.com/uISnxbd28E — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
They took on my last name as Moli’s and even changed their names and incorporated names from my wife’s side and they also took on Tongan names after my immediate family. 😭 pic.twitter.com/PtRgQNInFm — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Pics cont. pic.twitter.com/KlDE1Uxox5 — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Our journey to get to this point was worth every ounce of what is left today: Love. Loving them regardless of their situation and history of where they came from. pic.twitter.com/OyF0qaGScg — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
If you or anyone is struggling with infertility, I’m here for you. I understand that at times it feels like a lonely road, but I’m here to lend an ear. — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018
Thank you for reading our story and we hope that it brought you as much happiness as it did with us. pic.twitter.com/HnsR9eyqOR — Alo Moli (@holy_moli88) July 11, 2018