I love being a mother and tried to be a good mom while my kids lived at home with me, but there were times when my imperfections not only got in the way but actually caused my children pain. I can remember praying with tears in my eyes, “Heavenly Father, please help heal my kids. Fix what I broke. Help me to be a better mom.” Mistakes we make as parents can bring great sorrow and a feeling of helplessness.
I take heart in the fact that the Savior’s Atonement isn’t solely about healing my wounds, but it’s about healing wounds that I may have caused in my children and others.
I love the comforting words of Elder James R. Rasband from general conference:
“As natural men and women, we all bump, or sometimes crash, into each other and cause harm. As any parent can testify, the pain associated with our mistakes is not simply the fear of our own punishment but the fear that we may have limited our children’s joy or in some way hindered them from seeing and understanding the truth. The glorious promise of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice is that as far as our mistakes as parents are concerned, He holds our children blameless and promises healing for them.”
What If Our Children Don’t Take the Savior’s Relief?
I hate the idea that I may have (read “I totally have”) given my kids some issues. But I love that the Savior has the power to help them. And so, in my repentance process—especially the part where I make amends—I actively pray that He can and will fix what I broke if they will let Him.
The “if” in that last sentence is key.
We can recognize our wrongdoings and seek to repent and repair and refrain from doing it again. And we can pray for the Atonement of Christ to heal our children's wounds. But what do we do if they won’t accept our apology? What if they can’t or don’t want to let go of the hard feelings we’ve caused? What if they don’t grab hold of the relief only the Savior can give them?
A few years ago, my then-turning-young-adult daughter and I were having a conversation, and she offered up all the things I’d done in her childhood that were the cause of issues she was having at the time. After a few minutes of pondering, I said something like, “I wasn’t a perfect mom then, but I’d be happy to help pay for your therapy now.” We both laughed. However, there is a truth behind it we both understood. At some point, we all must take ownership of our own happiness and issues.
Letting Go of Pain Others Choose to Hold
When we do all we can to right our wrongs, seek forgiveness, and initiate change, we cannot force people to accept it. Personal agency is something that even God won’t hijack. Growth comes to all of us when we are willing. As much as we own our choices, we must also allow others to own theirs. After we’ve done all we can do, we need to let go of the pain others choose to hold onto.
Though we can’t force them to heal (as no one can force us to heal), we can continue to pray for them, that their hearts will be softened, their arms will reach out, and that they will welcome the healing that can only come from the Savior.
Finding Our Own Peace
Still, to know we have hurt others and can’t completely take away that pain is difficult. Elder James R. Rasband offered these soothing yet empowering words:
“Although the Savior has power to mend what we cannot fix, He commands us to do all we can to make restitution as part of our repentance. . . Sometimes our efforts to heal and restore may be as simple as an apology, but other times restitution may require years of humble effort. Yet, for many of our sins or mistakes, we simply are not able to fully heal those we have hurt. The magnificent, peace-giving promise of the Book of Mormon and the restored gospel is that the Savior will mend all that we have broken. And He will also mend us if we turn to Him in faith and repent of the harm we have caused. He offers both of these gifts because He loves all of us with perfect love.”
We knew then and we know now that we can completely trust Him to help us, heal us, and change us if we let Him. And we can trust that He is giving the same opportunity to those whom we have hurt.
As we put effort into hearing Him, Elder Dale G. Renlund pleads with us to “remember, joyfully and reverently, that the Savior loves to restore what you cannot restore; He loves to heal wounds you cannot heal; He loves to fix what has been irreparably broken; He compensates for any unfairness inflicted on you; and He loves to permanently mend even shattered hearts.”
The Savior doesn’t judge us or begrudge us. He knows life is messy. He loves to help heal our hurts. He knows we’ve hurt people too. And He loves to heal their hearts as well.
He loves what He can do for us and for the people we—and He—loves. How wonderful He is, and how much peace that brings to my heart!
He is the reason why I can move forward, doing all I can do to make amends and turning over what I can’t fix to Him. Because I know He can.
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