Looking back on my life, I’ve been able to do some pretty amazing things. I’m a published author; I get to write for you here at LDS Living; I’ve spoken to thousands of women; I’ve done TV, radio, and podcast interviews; and more. So, it might surprise you to hear that I never graduated high school.

This was a secret I held onto for decades. It was embarrassing. Shameful. A deep regret.

When my friends were tossing their caps that June afternoon in 1989, I was at home, pretending like I didn’t care.

I moved to Utah, got a job, and dated. But that shame came with me, always humming in the background.

In 1991, I finally took my GED. My parents sent me flowers. I thought I’d feel better. But I didn’t. The regret I had wasn’t only that I could never say I was a graduate, but I knew that I had forfeited promised blessings.

I don’t often share the contents of my patriarchal blessing, but there is something you need to know to understand my shame and regret. I was told very specifically to pursue education before and after marriage. To get all the education I could. And I knew I hadn’t.

Regret told me I’d already messed up, so why pursue it now? School was officially off my radar. I served a full-time proselyting mission from 1992–1993, then married in 1995.

A few years later, I decided to take a college class or two here and there. It was less about “pursuing” my education as it was getting out of the house and having time to myself. Eventually, however, I decided to end my attempts at higher education and move on. I liked the way my life was, and I felt like I’d already failed the commandment to pursue formal education. So, why try?

Then, one summer morning in 2021, I was studying the scriptures and minding my own business when I received an undeniable impression: Go back to school.

It wasn’t on my agenda for that day or week or year.

Then, my husband shared with me he’d felt the impression I should consider returning to school.

I’ll admit. I cried.

But I knew it was right, and so I reentered the BYU–Pathway program. I tried to attend full time, but it was hard. Then, I was called as Relief Society President in 2022.

I took some time off to regroup. Was I sure about this school thing? Should I really stick with it? And why? I’d already missed out on the things I was sure God needed me to do if I’d pursued education and received a degree years ago.

Unsure of what to do, I decided to go on a hike and talk to God. I was so deep in thought as I walked that I accidentally took a wrong turn and found myself on a steeper trail than I was used to. I thought about turning back, but I felt prompted to keep going.

As I climbed the trail, shame and regret pushed the tears up and out. Regret hurts because there always seems to be no solution, no do-overs, no resolution. Not even restitution.

I prayed and asked forgiveness for not obeying His counsel so long ago. I asked for forgiveness for messing up the life He had planned for me. I didn’t know how to fix it. But as I climbed and prayed, God began to answer me.

He told me that my educational journey is like this small mountain. He wants me to reach the top, and there are multiple ways to get there. Had I pursued my education earlier in my life, that would have been like taking the easier hike to the top.

Then I heard something unexpected. You can still reach the goal I had for you, but your life will feel like this climb, steep and challenging, but still leading to where I want you to go.

I think of the Lord’s own words, that “the works, and the designs, and the purposes of God cannot be frustrated, neither can they come to naught … it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of man” (Doctrine and Covenants 3:1, 3).

I have no idea what my life would look like now had I graduated from high school in 1989 and obtained a degree four years later. But what I do know is that regret kept me from thinking that God could still work with me if I were willing. Regret let me feel shame, let me feel stupid, and let me feel like I’d forfeited blessings.

But that day on the mountain, God reminded me that even though we make mistakes, regret doesn’t unlock His power. Repentance does. And though He cannot change the past, if we turn to Him with hope and humility in the present, He can still bless us.

We ALL make mistakes. We all have missed opportunities. We all have regrets.

But we all have a Father in Heaven who wants to bless us still. And will.

If regret is humming in the background of your mind, or even screaming in the front of it, if it aches, if it lies, if it has taken your hope, if it makes you feel shame, I invite you to feel the classic words of President Jeffery R. Holland, “It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

I invite you to find your metaphorical mountain and talk to God. Trust that, though some things can’t be undone, He has the wisdom, desire, and power to do great things with what we can do now.

I let regret steal so many moments of my life. But now, I have traded regret for trust in God and a willingness to climb to the places He’s prepared for me.

More articles for you:

▶ Pres. Holland turns the phrase ‘going through the temple’ on its head
▶ When a father was losing the will to live, a gift from his 2-year-old changed everything
▶ How I finally found relief from decades of religious doubt

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