Editor’s note: This article first appeared in the July/August issue of LDS Living magazine. The theme for the issue was Finding Peace, in which we explored the incredible reality that when our hearts are in tune with the Savior, personal peace is possible.
This article briefly mentions mental health challenges.
It was around 2 a.m. on a brisk night in Boston, and Brandon Pak was running hard.
Long jogs along the Charles River weren’t unusual for him. On sleepless nights like these, he’d pound the path until he felt absolutely spent, pushing through dark clouds of numbness and loneliness to try to feel something—even if it was only complete exhaustion.
“I felt the lowest that I’d ever felt in my life,” Brandon says. “I felt this longing—like all my relationships were shallow.”
While he wasn’t in immediate danger, he dialed the suicide hotline that night, desperate to talk to someone.
On paper, it seemed like Brandon had it all. As a student at the prestigious Berklee College of Music, he lent his soulful voice to gigs across the globe, performing behind stars like Charlie Puth and Justin Timberlake and opening for Pentatonix with his a cappella group.
Yet as Brandon began to live out his dreams as a songwriter and performer, he couldn’t shake the sense that there was a void in his life—one that not even music could fill.
That night after the late phone call, Brandon remembered seeing a Latter-day Saint chapel across town in Cambridge. Even though he’d chosen to step away from his family’s faith as a teenager, he decided to take a chance and show up for the 9 a.m. meeting the next Sunday.
“I remember sitting in the pew for the first time after so much time away, and it was just the most amazing, exquisite feeling,” Brandon says. “All of the heaviness and the weight, for a moment, wasn’t completely gone, but so much of it was alleviated. There was this immediate sense of relief.”
The Spirit he felt struck a missing chord in his soul, creating harmony that would resound far longer than just one meeting. Instead of running from his pain, Brandon decided to run toward Christ—a journey that has changed the entire trajectory of his life and music career. His road shows us all that the path to God is deeply personal and paved with peace, no matter the distance.
Searching for a Feeling
As a teenager, Brandon struggled to fully connect with the gospel and feel the Spirit as abundantly as his parents did. When he was 17, he stepped back from the Church to take some time to figure out his beliefs. He moved away from home just a few years later to study music at Berklee.
For two years, he worked toward a double major in music education and music therapy—completing time-intensive internships, teaching, and performing gigs across the United States and in China. Yet he felt called to cultivate his own craft, so he switched his major to songwriting.
It was about a year after this transition that Brandon decided to enter that Latter-day Saint chapel for the first time in a long while. He resolved to fully live the gospel for three months, testing how it would affect his search for greater peace. He began studying the scriptures daily—even diving into gospel resources like Teachings of Presidents of the Church—and he was shocked to discover how rapidly his goals and priorities changed.
“I knew pretty quickly that I wanted to serve a mission and have an eternal family,” he recalls. “I wanted to feel right with God because it filled this void. I basically said to myself, ‘If I never get to make music again, it’s worth it if I get to feel this way.’”
While he didn’t find answers to all his doctrinal questions, Brandon chose to trust the joy he felt from living the gospel. He decided that for the 99 percent he knew was true and had improved his life, he’d take the 1 percent he didn’t understand.
The members of the Longfellow Park Young Single Adult Ward made all the difference in supporting Brandon’s spiritual growth. Charles Barrett, who was Brandon’s ministering companion, went above and beyond to help Brandon feel comfortable at church, regularly driving 40 minutes across town to give him a ride and even personally helping prepare him to go through the temple.
Another person in that ward made a life-changing impact on Brandon: Kathryn Petersen. After walking back together from church one day, the two became fast friends, and they eventually started dating.
“I knew from the very first time we talked that he was planning on serving a mission, and I admired him for that,” Kathryn says. “I fought really hard not to like him as much as I did. I was 26, and I was like, ‘Oh, man, I cannot be a 26-year-old, almost 27-year-old, waiting for a missionary. That’s like something 18-year-olds do.’ But alas, it was right.”
Brandon appreciated the natural way that Kathryn lived her faith. “She is the first example in my life, who I’ve ever steadily been around, of someone who has prayed and read scriptures daily,” he says. “She’s definitely an inspiration and a huge example to me because ever since I’ve known her, I myself have developed those habits.”
Brandon’s decision to serve a mission was tested when he was recruited to audition for America’s Got Talent toward the end of college, but he ultimately decided to turn down the opportunity and submit his mission papers.
“I knew what it felt like to be lost and to find the gospel and what type of worth that gave to me as a person,” Brandon says. “I wanted other people to be able to have that.”
Souls (and Songs) Worth Saving
Brandon left for his mission at age 23, serving in the California Riverside Mission from 2019 to 2021. He had unique opportunities to share the gospel through music, especially during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic when missionary work relied on video calls and social media outreach.
After his mission, he moved to Utah to be closer to Kathryn. One year later, they were sealed in the Mount Timpanogos Utah Temple.
“I used to have this list in my head of attributes of who I thought I was going to marry,” Kathryn says. “And when I met Brandon, he was very different from a lot of the things I had on the list. But he was so much more than that. He’s one of the kindest humans I’ve ever met. Seeing him strive to be better every single day makes me want to be better.”
After his mission, Brandon decided that his goals for living the gospel and being present for his family no longer aligned with the hectic touring-artist schedule he experienced in college. The prospect of sacrificing his music career was difficult, but he was willing to give it all up if it meant drawing closer to the Lord. So he earned his MBA and took a business position with a healthcare company.
But the Lord kept opening doors to performing and songwriting. Brandon joined the band Metro Music Club, performing as a lead vocalist at weddings and corporate events. After hearing some unreleased songs that Brandon had written, a few members of the group connected him with Shadow Mountain Records, and he signed with the label in 2023.
“It’s been so significant to me that when I offered music and said, ‘I’ll take it completely off the table,’ God turned it into something that has now been a blessing to me and so many other people,” he says. “He’s turned it into something really beautiful and made it a very prominent part of my life.”
Brandon’s music is deeply vulnerable and empathetic, shining a light on the peace and hope that come from faith without shying away from moments of doubt and struggle. In his debut album, Worth Saving—out July 17—he reflects on the highs and lows of his faith journey, exploring the sense of hope he’s gained from fully embracing the gospel. His songs are driven by soothing vocals, acoustic guitar, and modern pop sensibilities, featuring honest lyricism and hopeful melodies.
Recently, he’s played his music for large gatherings like Brigham Young University Women’s Conference at the Marriott Center and Pioneer Day concerts at This is the Place Heritage Park. He’s also performed in more intimate spaces like stake events and a local addiction recovery center, leading devotionals and singing about his walk with Christ.
He regularly performs his album’s title track, “Worth Saving,” which captures his wrestle to understand how God could love him after he pushed Him away for so long.
“Being at the addiction recovery center when Brandon sings ‘Worth Saving’ is powerful,” Kathryn says. “Seeing the people feel the message and the help that they’re getting from Christ to overcome their addictions—that’s when I’m like, ‘This is so worth it. This what we’re doing it for.’”
Never Too Far Gone
Brandon is mindful that each person is on their own path, and what helped rescue him from his difficulties may not look the same for everyone. Especially if someone is dealing with mental health challenges, it can be important to seek professional and medical advice to address biochemical and genetic factors.
Regardless of individual circumstances, Brandon firmly believes the Lord will meet us where we are and help us return home. Through his songs, Brandon hopes that people can feel they’re not alone in their struggles and that the Lord loves them.
“My life has felt so dark in so many different places, but my music is here to communicate that regardless of where we come from, or whatever dark place we’re in right now, the Lord is here to help us—to whatever extent we’re willing to give it over to Him,” he says.
Just as Brandon knows God was always there for him, he appreciated his parents’ love during his time away from the Church.
“One of the most difficult feelings you can have in the Church is when someone who you love very deeply decides that they don’t want to be a part of the Church anymore,” Brandon says. “If you don’t have a relationship of love that can exist without their commitment to God, you’re never going to be able to be a conduit for God’s love. So I think it’s about building that trust and that relationship, and then from there, you can minister in a Christlike way until their heart is prepared.”
Brandon’s parents, Angie and Raymond Crichfield, are grateful for how their oldest son’s spiritual growth has brought them closer together as a family. To other parents who are supporting their children in navigating faith journeys, Angie says, “Be patient, forgive, pray always, be a good example, and never give up. God listens and will always lead the way.”
One of Brandon’s favorite songs from his new album is “Too Far Gone,” which he considers his personal apology to the Lord for being away for so long. “Lyrically, it’s one of my favorites,” he says. “The bridge is: ‘There’s no ocean too deep, / No mountain too steep, / No darkness so cold, / No place I could go, You can’t reach, / No child of your own, You won’t lead.’
“I have felt that love more than anything and come back to that song a lot. It’s OK to straight up say you’re sorry to the Lord and recognize and acknowledge what you’ve done—but then recognize that the Lord is going to take you back.”
Kathryn believes that the most important way to support a loved one on their faith journey is to be authentic in the way you live the gospel. “Our whole lives are a faith journey, and I feel very blessed to be part of Brandon’s,” she says. “He likes to tell people that I was this great influence, but I was not making any intentional effort to be an example. I was just living my life.”
Brandon is grateful for the peace that the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought to his life. One lesson he’s learned repeatedly is that his life feels more joyful and purposeful when he’s focused on others.
“When I’m trying to love other people and the majority of my thoughts in a day are focused on how to help them, I have always felt lighter despite my load.
“There are some really overwhelming difficulties in this life, so I can’t just say, ‘Be happy. Focus on your blessings more.’ It’s not this one-size-fits-all glove. But I do think that more important than anything is leaning on that relationship with Christ.
“The prophet and the Apostle Paul said that Christ is the answer no matter what it is. And I think, really, it’s about figuring out how to bring Him into our lives—and assessing when we’re ready to do so.”
Running toward Christ may have been a long road, but Brandon says that he wouldn’t have it any other way if it meant finding the peace he feels now. In one of the final tracks on the album, he sings: “I was lost for oh so long, / Melodies of wandering songs, / But I’ve found the voice inside. / So I’ll sing my praises to the highest, / Oh, I believe in Christ.”
Brandon Pak’s new EP, Worth Saving, is available on CD at Deseret Book or on your favorite streaming platform.
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Worth Saving
Read more in the LDS Living July/August magazine
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