Porter and Carlie Ellett: The Kansas City Chiefs' Left-Hand Man and How God Led Him to a Super Bowl

Morgan Jones Pearson

This is All In, an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, 'What does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?' I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am honored to have Porter Ellett on the line with me today. Porter, welcome.

Porter Ellett

Thank you. Yeah, thanks for having me on. My wife actually loves your show so she's excited you invited me to be here.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, I am grateful for your wife. Porter told me that his wife would be mad at him if he didn't do this interview. So I'm really glad that he agreed to do it. Okay, Porter, just to start out, you grew up in a really small farming community in Utah. But there's a picture of you in a Kansas City Chiefs uniform as a little boy, have you always been a Chiefs fan? Or was that just a weird coincidence?

Porter Ellett

Yeah, so it kind of worked out as a weird coincidence. So my mother, she was a big Joe Montana fan. And it was about the same time when Joe Montana was leaving San Francisco to go play for the Chiefs. And everybody started to buy Steve Young jerseys, because he was going to be the starting quarterback for the 49ers. So I think my mom, she's [thought], "Well, yeah, everybody's gonna pick Steve Young. So I'm gonna go buy Joe Montana's jersey." So I ended up having a Joe Montana jersey for my Christmas present that year. And it actually is amazing coincidence, like you're saying, because now I'm with them as a coach. So I actually I grew up being a fan of the 49ers ironically.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Okay, okay, so we'll circle back around to the Chiefs later. That's something I definitely want to talk about. But before we get there, when you were four years old, you were involved in an accident that changed your life forever. Do you remember anything? Four years old is pretty young Do you remember anything about the day of that accident?

Porter Ellett

Not specifically. I mean, I remember seeing the rocks when I thought in the back of the truck. So the story is we run sheep and cattle in central Utah. So we used to go check on the sheep out on the mountain range, and then we'd move them from place to place. So I wanted to go out with my dad and I wanted to ride in the back of the truck, because there was a motorcycle back there. You know, which little boy wouldn't want to do that, right? But I was on the motorcycle. And then when I went to get off, I saw the back of the truck and hit my head on a bunch of rocks that lined the side of the road. And I do remember seeing the rocks, you know, as I was falling out of the truck, but I don't have any memory of things that happened after that, which I fractured my skull. And then I was scalped. And my dad and a friend who was there with us, a family member, they gave me a blessing. And after the blessing, I regained consciousness, and I was able to you know, talk and everything was fine with my head injury. But they did a few tests and realized that my arm had lost the ability to move or feel. So that's really what led to me being the way I am now with one arm for a long time. We thought maybe we could fix it. But there were no really surgeries or anything that could take care of it. We tried some kind of new surgeries, but they didn't work. And then when I was 16, I ended up having it amputated.

Morgan Jones Pearson

So talk to me a little bit about that. I know for a while you had like you said you had your arm. And then you decided your parents said that it was your choice. They wanted it to be your decision to amputate it. And you've talked about how you felt very strongly that that was what you were supposed to do. How did you reach that decision?

Porter Ellett

Yeah, so when we did surgeries early on, they took some nerves out of my leg and tried to attach them in my neck. And it ended up restoring a lot of the feeling in the arm but no movement. So it was kind of the worst possible outcome really because then I could feel everything that happened to the arm but I just couldn't move it so I went on playing sports and competing in all the athletic stuff that I wanted to, but I would often injure the arm or break it. I could feel it but there was nothing I could really do once I broke it or you know, dislocated it. So eventually I made the decision to have an amputation because I was playing basketball my sophomore year of high school and I got it dislocated and broken and it was a long drive to the nearest hospital. It was like an hour drive. And on that drive. I just kind of told my mom like, you know, is there any real like, benefit to me still having my arm? Would it be okay if I got it amputated? And she just you know, she said yeah, we thought maybe you would come to this conclusion on your own. We never wanted to push it or make you feel like it was our decision, it's your choice. She said, Well, if you want to do that, then that's fine, we can look into it. So that's what really led me to the decision was just, it was more of a hindrance than not having an arm at all. So that's what we ended up doing.

And Porter, you mentioned that you played a lot of sports. And there's videos of you playing these different sports, you played baseball, basketball, ironically, never played football. But I was watching these videos of you playing baseball. And I was like, This is amazing. Like, you're literally dropping the mitt to throw the ball and then picking it back up so fast that it's like you don't miss a beat. Talk to me a little bit about how you learned to adapt.

Yeah, I had some really, really good coaches when I was young. And I think that they saw my potential. So baseball, I think they really wanted me to be a hitter, you know, they wanted me to bat because I was a good hitter at a young age. So they kind of had to figure out a way for me to get on the field, you know, to play defense. So they spent a lot of extra time with me learning how to do what you're saying, you know, flip the ball up, throw my mitt off, grab the ball in the air, and then throw it all in the same motion. So they taught me, we came up with that idea one day. And before that, I was actually taking the mitt and putting it between my legs, pulling my hand out and then grabbing the ball and throwing it, which there's just not enough time to do any of that. So a lot of extra time into adapting to things. But it ended up working out really well and taught me like valuable lessons in life, you know, you don't have to just like accept your circumstance, you can change and you can learn skills that help you overcome them. And that's the way I kind of do things. Now when I see a challenge or I see something that it appears like, oh, there's really not a solution for this. Well, no, you just got to think outside the box. You've got to think differently and approach it differently. And you'll be amazed by the success that you have at the end of the day.

Morgan Jones Pearson

So incredible. So you've talked a lot about how your challenge is something that's visible. And I've talked to other people that have physical disabilities, and they'll talk about you know, it's so interesting that my challenge is visible, a lot of other people have challenges that are not visible. But I really loved something that you said about how you felt like you had the ability to control what people saw when they were staring at you. And so I wondered if you could tell listeners what you mean by that, and how you kind of decided that that was what you were going to do?

Porter Ellett

Yeah, so I went through a time when I was like a young teenager, like preteen years where you're kind of starting to realize what you look like, and you're different. And I went through a really rough patch where I tried to just like avoid the world, I kind of like shut off and just liked to stay home and didn't want to go out much because of the things that you're saying, you know, people stared at me, and they would say things whether or not they were trying to be mean, they hurt, you know? And I kind of decided like, oh, well, I'll just avoid these things. And then the real, the real thing that kind of got to me was I realized that I wasn't, I was just hurting myself with that type of mentality, I wasn't having a positive impact on anyone. And I was essentially allowing these people that their opinions didn't matter to me, that didn't care about me, I was allowing them to control my life and what I was doing. So I decided, You know what, I can't control the stares, and I can't control the things that people say to me. But at the end of the day, I can control how I act or how I show them that I'm able to do these things. So that was when I decided that was when I was a preteen and I've kind of been shut off for a little while. I was like no, I'm not gonna let them. I'll try to show them something good when they look at me or stare at me or say things to me, and tried to react with kindness, instead of bitterness, and I think it worked out well in the end. It still happens that's the funny thing is it's not like that goes away. People still stare at me, they still say things that hurt. But I've realized my reaction is what I can control and I try to do that the best I can. It's interesting because you study the scriptures a lot and you like hear these stories about these people in the Book of Mormon or Bible and I think like Alma the Younger and I mean his father obviously too, but like these people who changed their lives and became like new people and doesn't ever say in the scriptures that like for the rest of their life that challenge didn't really go away. You know, for their whole life there were probably people who still brought up the fact that they were once not good people, their whole life that doesn't go away, you know, there's still going to be someone when they're like preaching to people to repent that were like, you know what? I remember when you were trying to destroy the church. And I think that that's the same for me, like it doesn't go away. You know, at the end of the day, I'm still gonna get stared at, and people are still gonna say things to me. But I can either allow that to control me or not. And I'll choose to take control of my own life and do what I enjoy doing and find happiness in what I enjoy doing.

Morgan Jones Pearson 10:35

That's an awesome, I love that analogy that you just you just shared, I read something or watch something where your seminary teacher from high school talked about how he had never seen you do anything or say anything unkind. And I think that that's a huge credit to the kind of person that you are, and especially when you're someone that's having unkind things said to not reciprocate in any way. But to just show kindness, I think speaks a lot to your character. Porter, if you met your wife because of an article that was written about you in the New Era, is that right?

Porter Ellett

That's true. That's actually a really great story. It's funny, because when they were doing the article, at the very end of it, they asked me, it's not in the article or anything. But I drove with them back up to Provo, because something worked out to where I ended up driving with the people were writing it. So I was in the car with them. And they said, if there's anything in this article that you hope, like somebody takes away from it, what would it be? And I said, Well, I hope it just like, changes somebody's life for the better, like, it helps them. And it was funny, because later on in life, you know, I met my wife because of it. And I was like, wow, that's the way God works sometimes, you know, he makes it work for you. But yeah, so I had an aunt who worked with her grandpa. And they used to talk about us playing sports, because Carlie was a really good athlete in high school and she enjoyed sports. And I obviously, you know, played those sports and really loved it too. So they would kind of brag on their nephew and granddaughter. And then I ended up going to BYU and so did Carlie. And one day, you know, they were all talking and said, "Well, maybe we should get them together." You know, that kind of scheme this up. And then her grandpa went back home. And he they saved the church magazines, you know, forever because you know, in just in case the internet crashes, we gotta. But Carlie had this nighttime ritual with her grandpa, where they used to sit and eat popcorn and watch SportsCenter at the end of the day. And one night, he just like, wasn't around. So Carlie was kind of like, what's going on? And he was downstairs digging through magazines, and she went down there and was like, "Oh, I don't want to be a part of this really, like, I'm gonna go back up on the couch." So she goes back upstairs and eventually comes up with this magazine. You know, and I'm on the cover with my baseball stuff on and he was like, "Have you ever read this article?" And Carlie had actually read it in high school. So she's like, "Yeah, you know, like, I've seen it, I've read it." And he's like, "Well he's gonna be at BYU at work with his aunt. And you should look him up." And Carlie, you know, it's kind of like grandpa, there's like 3200 grad students at BYU. This is not gonna work. And she said, you know, basically, in her head, she was like, Why I can't just Google "one arm guy at BYU" and get his address. So she kind of blew it off and was like, "Oh, you're crazy grandpa." And then I had just gotten home from my mission. I'm from a really small town, so you go around and you speak to any ward in the stake. So I didn't go to my ward at BYU for a month, month and a half. my calling was fast offering collector you know, kind of one of those callings that they give you when there's way too many people in the ward. So that was my calling. And one Sunday, my first Sunday that I was there, I was going door to door and just saying, "Hey, like do you need me to collect your fast offering?" and I knocked on the door and I walked in and there was Carlie sitting on the couch watching SportsCenter and she was wearing these like Tennessee Vols shorts. So I was trying to like talk to her but she was very locked in on SportsCenter. And then eventually, I just kept asking her and I think the last question I asked her was like, "Hey, are you a Tennessee Vols fan?" And finally she like looked up at me and was like, "No, I just have the shorts." And I was standing behind a doorway. So she didn't see that I had one arm and then when I stepped out, she was like, "Oh, are you the kid from the New Era?" And I was like, "Yeah," and I think in her head, she's like, Are you kidding me? You know, like grandpa called this. So we went to a bunch of sporting events together. That's kind of how we initially started hanging out and then we just fell in love and got married.

Morgan Jones Pearson 14:57

Well, my husband and I love to watch sports together to so I feel like we would all be friends. And also your wife is my kind of girl if she'll watch SportsCenter, but you have your wife to credit for really encouraging you in your career, which I think is awesome. You talked about how you were working for Goldman Sachs and she asked you if you really loved what you did and that led you to start doing research. And the research ultimately led you to Baylor to study sports management. Talk to me a little bit about that.

Porter Ellett

She's here. Now. I don't know if you want to...

Morgan Jones Pearson

Carlie, Feel free to join us. Welcome.

Carlie Ellett

Hello!

Morgan Jones Pearson

I can see you. Yeah. It's nice to meet you. I was just telling Porter that you sound like my kind of girl. If you'll watch SportsCenter.

Carlie Ellett

We need to be friends. Right? There's not many of us who do.

Morgan Jones Pearson

So what I was just asking him about was, you encouraged him to find something that he loved to do. And that led him to do the research about Baylor. So I was asking him to tell me a little bit about that decision. But I'd love to get, I'd love to get that from you as well.

Carlie Ellett

Yeah, so he was working at Goldman Sachs at the time, and I don't want to say like bash Goldman or that career path or anything, but I could just tell it wasn't right for Porter. And when you're looking at your career as a 20-something year old kid, you're looking like, this is what I'm going to be doing for the next 40, 50, 60 years of your life. Now work is work, it's not always going to be fun, just like the NFL is not always fun. But it should be something you at least have a passion for, in some way, right? And so I could see that not only did he not have a passion, but it was slowly sucking I don't want to say the life from him, but just sort of like this innate joy Porter has about him, that was starting to diminish. And that was one of the things that really drew me to Porter, when we were dating and eventually got married was his outlook on life. And that positivity that he radiated, and when you go to work for 12 to 14 hours a day doing something that you loathe, naturally that will start to decrease. And so we'd been doing it for, I don't know, six, seven months at the time when I finally approached him with my question of, What do you think about when you have nothing else you have to think about? And I knew the answer, I knew the answer was sports. But I'm very much a planner whereas Porter's a dreamer. So we make a good team in that way and Porter said, "Well, I want to I want to coach I want to be in college or at the professional level coaching." Like, that's great. That's an excellent dream. But what's the plan? Like? How do we even get there? Because coaching is very much like who you know, you've got to network really, really effectively to make it in that business? And so that led us down the pipeline to research master's programs that would allow him to network in that way to make that dream possible. So I'm glad we did. We were fortunate at the time, we didn't have any other responsibilities. You know, we didn't have children, we didn't have a mortgage. You know, it was just two young kids working and figuring out life. But I'm grateful that he was brave enough to take the leap and quit something that, you know, I don't want to like bash on the boomer generation, but a lot of them thought we were crazy for doing something like this, like, "Hey, you're in a good career path, stick with it, and you'll provide well for your family." And we were like, "No, we're gonna go find something that we love, and we're gonna pursue it together." So that's how that came about.

Porter Ellett

Yeah. And the choice was, like she's saying, it was not easy to walk away from that. But we prayed about it. And eventually, we were gonna go to San Francisco. That was the first choice University of San Francisco. But then we, I was reading a book at the time about Baylor. And I was like, I think we should try this. Like, we should look into this. So we ended up, I went down there to visit because we'd already been to San Francisco and I went down to visit, came back, and then we decided to go to the temple just to make sure we were making the right decision. And I remember we walked out of the temple and Carlie just looked at me and she goes, "We're going to Waco? Like, we're gonna go to Texas, and we're gonna go to Baylor?" I was like, "Yeah, I think we should."

Carlie Ellett

To put that in perspective. I had already paid the deposit on his master's program in San Francisco. I was that sure that's where we were going. And I remember sitting in the temple pleading with Heavenly Father, like, Please let him know San Francisco. That's where I'm from, you know, so I I wanted to go back to NorCal. And I knew sitting there in the temple, that was not the right path and the right choice for us. So I'm glad that Heavenly Father didn't listen to me on that one and gave us the right answer.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, my husband and I live in Northern California right now and we love it. So I understand that we're all back. Yes, I'm like, I may never want to leave. But compared

Carlie Ellett

Well, I have nothing bad to say about Waco now, but at the time, all I knew about it was the Branch Davidians or whatever.

Morgan Jones Pearson

And that was like pre Chip and Joanna

Carlie Ellett

It was the very beginning of chip and Jojo. And we knew a little bit because of their sports, like they had had a basketball team, or a basketball player getting murdered by their teammate, like bad stuff that happened down in Waco.

Porter Ellett

Well and it was fun because we went from BYU to a predominantly Baptist University, which was fun for us to experience that. And they were like Carlie said, it was such a blessing to be there. Like it was great to be in Waco. And at Baylor, it was like the best experience we've you know, we had

Unknown Speaker

We joked at the time, back when we called ourselves Mormons, that Mormons could use a lesson in kindness from the Baptists because we tried finding somebody in Waco, who we found to be unfriendly or just not a super great person, and we didn't come across it in the two years we were there. We were met with kindness, the moment we pulled into our apartment complex, a group of boys came out and helped us move for free, they wouldn't even let us pay them.

Morgan Jones Pearson

That's awesome. So you were working and studying at Baylor when you got a call from Andy Reid? Did you know him beforehand? Or how did he find you? How did that call happen?

Porter Ellett

Yeah, so I, when I was at BYU, I worked at MTC as a teacher and taught Spanish as well for the Spanish missionaries. And while I was there, I met a really good guy named Devin Woodhouse, and we became really good friends. And we talked a lot about kind of what we wanted to do with our lives and where we wanted to be. And he had said that he wanted to work in sports. And I also had said that I did, and we kind of schemed it up that, hey, if you end up know, somewhere, let's get there together, you know, let's work together along the way. And time went on and things happened. And he started to date this girl and she was awesome. And we met her a couple of times. And they eventually got married. And we didn't know at the time, we didn't know for a long time that she was Coach Reid's daughter. And then eventually he ended up working for the Chiefs. And Carlie had a has a brother who met a girl from Branson, Missouri. And they were going to get married in the Kansas City Temple. So we flew up from Texas in the middle of the winter. And we went to the wedding. And while we were here, I said, you know, Devin, do you want to meet up because he was working for the Chiefs as a strength coach. And I didn't know at the time how crazy his schedule was so I probably wouldn't have texted him if I would have known. But I was just like, "hey, do you want to get together?" And he was like, "Well, I don't really have time. But you know, if you want to come to the game you can." So at this point, Carlie's pregnant, it's like one of the coldest games in Chiefs history we ended up going to, and they lose on a last second field goal. So all these things are not good signs for us. But after the game, we meet Coach Reed's wife, Tammy, and we sit down and we talk with her for a while. And then Devin finally comes out after the game and he says, you know, hey, just follow me. Just come with me. So we get in our car and we follow him. We ended up at the Reids' house. And we're all sitting there talking and eventually Coach Reed shows up, and they they make me feel all uncomfortable because they're like, Oh, you're sitting in this chair. And I get up and like move because I'm all nervous. And we're sitting there talking throughout the night and his daughter, Drew Ann Woodhouse, she starts asking me questions about like, what I want to do and what I'd studied and all these things, because Devon, for like three years, he had tried to get me a job with the Chiefs by like just putting my resume in there. And no one ever would even look at it and no one cared. So she was kind of doing like this mock interview. And Coach Reid was listening in the whole time. And by the time the night ended, I stood up and walked out, shook his hand and said, you know, "Coach Reid, I'd pay money, just to follow you around and learn from you. Like I just want to know how you do the things that you do and how you've been so successful." And he said, "Well, when the season ends just call them called Devin and tell him you know that you want an internship or whatever, we can figure out something." So season went on, it ended and I texted Devin and I didn't get a text back for like two days. I thought man this is weird. Like maybe I'm messed up my timing and all those things. You start thinking like I messed this up. I had an opportunity. I kind of screwed up. And I was in a meeting and I had a phone call come in but I couldn't answer it was from a Philadelphia area code. I was like I don't know anybody from Philadelphia. So they left a voicemail and After the meeting, I picked it up to check it and it was Coach Reid saying, "Porter, I might have an opportunity for you." And I was like, Oh, my! I called him back. And there's plenty of people who want the opportunity to work for him. So he said, You know, I have a bunch of people I'm considering, I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and tell me what your situation in life is. And so while I'm in grad school, I'm about to finish I have, you know, a couple of months left. And he said, You know, I would need you sooner than later so I don't know if this will work and we kind of went back and forth for a few days. And then I kind of was getting nervous. I sent off like a nervous text one night, right before I went to bed. And I just said, you know, "Hey Coach Reid, if you hire me, I'll help you win a Super Bowl." You know, then I know, I've talked to him since then about that. I said, "What did you think when I sent that?" And he's like, "I remember the text, but I don't really remember what I thought." And I was like, "Yeah, you probably thought I was an idiot." And he was like, "Yeah, you know, I probably thought this kid has no clue." But whatever happened, you know, Coach Reid actually says that Tammy, his wife, really encouraged him to hire me, which I'm grateful for. I'm grateful that she did that. So he hired me, called me on a Friday night. And I started Sunday morning, with Carlie in Waco, you know, like eight months pregnant. And we moved to Kansas City, she found a place and everything for us. She kind of took on all the work

Carlie Ellett

It should be noted that Porter was, out of the finalists for that position, Porter was by far the least qualified for that position. And so when Coach Reid said, "Well, I'm gonna pray about this one." And he told us that the heavens were pointing in our direction, we were just like, over the moon excited, because there was no reason on paper that Porter should have really gotten that job.

Porter Ellett

I mean, I brought it up to Coach Reid, I said, "I don't want to, you know, come off as a con or anything like Coach, I played baseball and basketball, and I've coached both, but my football experience is I was an equipment room attendant, it'd be what you for one semester?" And he said, "Well, you know, I can teach football, you just come with the skills that you have, and we'll build on it." And I was like, "Yeah, you know, if I'm gonna learn football, I want to learn it from you. So thank you, you know, like, I appreciate it." And we just hit the ground running. And you know, there's been a lot of times in my career where I've thought, I don't know, you know, I don't know if I can do this, or I've been kind of shown confidence wise, this is a big moment for me. And I've always thought Coach Reid thinks I can do it. So that means I can do it.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Yeah. So when, when he brought you on, what was the role that he was bringing you on at that point?

Porter Ellett

So in the phone call the very first phone call we had, he said, you know, you'd be my assistant, you'd have a desk right outside my office, and you would do everything that I need you to do. And like everything that the team needs you to do you do. And he said, it'll be a tough job. And he's like you, it's a two to three year job, because it's going to be hard on you. And he said "You'll basically be my right hand man." And I said, "Well, that's cool. You know, as long as you're okay with your right hand, man not having a right hand." And he laughed and laughed. He said, "Well, you'll be my left hand man." And so he's called me his left hand man forever. And now like, half the coaches in the NFL call me "lefty."

Carlie Ellett

I don't know if Porter said, but Coach Reid only has one sibling and his brother Reggie only has one arm. So not only does Porter work for the only other member head coach in the league, but his only brother is also an amputee. So I'm I'm convinced that there's no other coach that would have given Porter the opportunity. Coach Reid was like, the only guy who would have ever haven't looked at him.

Porter Ellett

And he understands a lot of the things that I do. You know, it's funny, because there's obvious things where I have to do them differently. Because it's, whether it's like cutting paper, you know, there's a lot of things where it's like, that's a two handed job. So he watches me do and he's like, I saw that trick. That was nice.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, and at this point, Carlie's thinking, my plan is working out perfect. It worked, Carlie!

Carlie Ellett

I know I couldn't have orchestrated this. This was divine intervention. Really. I mean, even going back to our time at Baylor, Porter quite literally knocked on every person relating to the football programs door trying to get in on the ground level to work for the Baylor football team. And every door closed in our face, and I remember feeling like, "Okay, Heavenly Father, you told us to come here. And nothing is going our way and nothing is working out. And I remember reading the scriptures in the Book of Mormon and feeling that same way about Lehi and Sariah and his family, right, like nothing really worked out for them either. But in the end, it did. And so I kept holding on to something has to give eventually. Well, then, unfortunately, Baylor football had a bit of a scandal go down and everybody in the entire football program was not only let go, but a lot of people were essentially blackballed from the industry. And when Porter is going through the interview process of the chiefs, one of the questions that the business personnel and Coach Reid himself had were you at all tied to the Baylor football program? What role did you play in that football program? And we hadn't, because every door had been closed in our faces. And they were like, okay, great, because if you had, we wouldn't have been able to bring you on board. Everybody in that whole program has essentially been tainted at that point. And so that was one of those life lessons where I was like, okay, the doors closed, because Heavenly Father had a different one for you, that was even better than you could have ever imagined.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Such a great story. I think it's so interesting to look back and see how the Lord's hand, you know, sometimes doesn't make sense. But then you look back, and it's like, wow, He was really taking care of us all along. You mentioned that the schedule was like a pretty serious grind those first couple of years. How is it for you Carlie's schedule wise, when Porter has so many demands on his time?

Carlie Ellett

it was definitely more brutal. Our first three years here in Kansas City, because like Porter was coach's assistant, he's now entirely dedicated to football as an assistant football coach. But originally it was 130 to 135 hours a week. And if you're trying to do the math there there's only 168 hours in a week. So a lot of time was spent at the facility. And I had moved to the middle of the country where I didn't know anybody I have no family here, we're 17 hours from my parents in DC, we're 16 hours from porters family in Utah. So no friends, really no support system, I was entirely alone. And I thought how, you know, I don't just want to get through this time, like I need to learn how to thrive, I need to learn how to care for this new baby that I have. I'd just had Brigham, when I moved here to Kansas City. What's the best way I can do that? Unfortunately, I grew up where my mom was like a perfect example of this. My dad traveled extensively for work and she had all four of us in five years. So she was a busy mom. And she never spoke to us kids in a negative light about my dad's career. It was always, even though he wasn't necessarily president for everything it was, aren't we so blessed? Aren't we so fortunate to have a dad who works so hard so we can have all these cool life experiences? And so drawing off her example, if you will, I started to look at kind of other women who I wanted to emulate. And actually, I don't love fiction very much. I pretty much if I leisurely read, I solely read biographies. And I got really into reading biographies about the prophets and the leaders of the Church. And as impressive as all of those men are, I don't know if I'm even allowed to say this. I was more impressed by their wives. And they would probably say the same thing. So I'm probably good. But one, one wife in particular really stood out to me, and that was the late wife of President Nelson, Dantzel And there's a story in his most recent biography, where, you know, they have 10 kids, I think, something crazy like that. They've got a zillion. And President Nelson, as a doctor, you work insane hours as well, especially when you're going through medical school and residency and then obviously, as a world renowned heart surgeon, he was in high demand. So he was working crazy, crazy hours. And she recognized that the children were missing time with him, and he was missing out on that time with the children. And so she, I think a lot of women or at least it's portrayed this way in the media would nag their husbands in that situation, you need to work less you need to take different hours. I need more help at home, you're never here. They would probably complain a little bit and she did something remarkable, in my opinion. She did the exact opposite. She looked at their situation and decided what can I do to help? What can I do to help Russell have that relationship with his kids? What can I do as his wife to strengthen that bond without detracting from his career because obviously it was super important. He was literally saving lives. And so she regularly would load all the kids up in the car, drive up to the hospital, and they would have a family meal together in the hospital cafeteria. And it would have been now having my own children, number three on the way I know how much easier would have been for her to put a pop mac and cheese on and just feed the kids at home. That's a lot of work to drag all those children up there just to have that short period of time with their dad, but he talks about how much that meant to him. And and the children have said the same thing that that time was almost sacred to them because they got his undivided attention from their dad. So I looked at Dantzel's example and my mom's example, and thought, "okay, what can I do? My husband works insane hours. But while he's unnecessarily saving lives through heart surgery, I believe what he does is super important, not the x's and o's and the winning of games. But professional football doesn't showcase a lot of people who are different. There's not a lot of people with disabilities at the professional sports level, because it's the greatest in the world. And so to have any sort of perceived weakness isn't going to be on your side. And so having Porter on the football field, and coaching I knew was so important for an entire community who doesn't get represented in professional sports. And that's those who are disabled in some way. And so I felt it was important that Porter continue on this career path, even though it's going to be really hard for me, but I had to find a way for him to have that time with our children and our children have that time with him. So we instituted football Friday pizza nights where there was there's a period of time on Fridays during those first few seasons where Coach Reid and Patrick Mahomes, and those guys would have media. And then so Porter kind of got a little bit of a break, before he had to go back to doing play calling stuff with Coach Reid, playcards. And it wasn't enough time for him to come home. But it was enough time for me to meet him at the facility. And we could have a meal together in the cafeteria at the practice facility. So I would load up the kids during rush hour, which wasn't necessarily fun waking up kids early from nap. And we would stop at the downtown Costco and Kansas City pick up a Costco pizza and we would go to the facility and have dinner. And just like that time was special for Dantzel and President Nelson. That was pivotal, I think, for our family to have that time together. And I know my kids cherish the memories of you know, riding in the golf cards on the practice field and tackling the tackle dummies and just getting to play and be with dad and and have that relationship with them. So for me, yeah, the schedule was rough. But there are opportunities to grow and develop within that tough schedule. And fortunately, I had examples to draw from to make that happen in our home and for our family.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Yeah, that's so awesome. We've had Scott and Lisa O'Neil on this podcast, and he was the CEO of the 70 Sixers and she would do something really similar where she made sure once a week she took her girls to a game. And she's like I would show up at the end of the game, they'd be in their pajamas. And anyway, it was just so that she would make sure that they had time with their dad, and I admire her and I admire you for making that effort. Porter, you've talked about how you wanted to be a part of football because you believe that football is the ultimate team sport. What is it about football that makes it that and what would you say makes or breaks a team?

Porter Ellett

Yeah, so the reason I felt that way was because I played those other sports. And then I'd also started to kind of coach them. And there's just a mentality in football that you don't find in any other sport where everybody understands their role in their job. And they understand that if they do the very best they can, then the team will be successful. So when I was the equipment attendant, equipment room attendant at BYU, that was the first time I'd ever really been around football players. And it was fascinating to me to see you know, like, Oh, why and then are their offensive linemen, they don't try to be a receiver. And they don't try to be you know, a quarterback, they do their job, and they realize that their job is important. And the team cannot succeed without any one of the positions. You know, you can't win if all of the parts of the team aren't working together. So I love that and I love the players strive to be a team. So that's where I kind of fell in love with it. And I wanted to be a part of that. And I wanted to work in football, even though it didn't really make a lot of sense because I didn't have any history there. And then the things that make a team successful Coach Reid talks about them all the time. He has four pillars that we kind of preach the players about, you know, eliminating distractions, attack everything, Fear nothing, and then create positive energy. And I think that those things make a team successful, they help a team win. And then when it's time to play, I've read a lot of books from other coaches, and Dean Smith is one of my heroes from North Carolina. And he always used to tell his guys to play fast, play smart, play together. And I feel like that's the epitome of a successful team, the things off the field, coach, he talks about: creating energy, eliminating distractions, all those pillars, but then on the field, those things from Dean Smith as well apply, because the things that can destroy a team or likewise, you know, if you have fear, which one of those things is fear nothing, that's one of the quickest ways to lose as a team is if you're fearful of outcomes and fearful of anything, because you need to go out, you need to just play ball. And then if you're distracted, if you have distractions, then you're done before you even start. And then I love the creating energy part of the four pillars, because if you can create positive energy, then you can overcome a bad game or a bad quarter. And you can just kind of work through it and just keep battling and, and you'll be successful at the end of the day, when maybe people didn't think you were going to win, because you've created your own energy. But if you have people who are energy suckers, then you're in trouble. If they're a black hole event of energy, then you can't really dig yourself out of a bad situation ever, which you're going to run into.

Morgan Jones Pearson

So do you guys apply those same principles in your marriage? Because I feel like it could be applicable? Yeah.

Carlie Ellett

I would say above all, though, we, in this world, everything I actually, I'm gonna steal this from your episode with Steve Young, everybody looks for things that are transactional. What am I going to get out of this? And fortunately, when you're young, dumb and broke, like we were when we got married, there was nothing to get out of it. Nobody had money. You know, we didn't have careers, nobody had stability. And so we could really focus on each other. How do I help you get to where you want to be? How do I help you achieve your goals? And that hasn't changed from day one of our marriage? And so when you give entirely of yourself to this relationship, and not necessarily expecting, "what am I going to get out of this?" You build something really beautiful and selfless. But if you're looking for what you're missing in your relationship, or your marriage, or what other people have that you don't, that's a quick way to detract from what you've got going on.

Morgan Jones Pearson

100% I completely agree. Okay, Porter, before we get to the end, I had, I wanted to ask you, you've talked a lot about Coach Reid, I've always heard great things about him, you said that he sets the tone for everything that happened there with the chiefs. What have you learned from him about being a great coach and also a great disciple of Jesus Christ?

Porter Ellett

Yeah. So just like he said, when he hired me, you know, like, you'll be my right hand, man, you'll follow me around, and do everything with me. I've learned a lot about not just coaching, he showed me it's very intimate job with Coach Reid, because you see everything. And he is very open with you about what he's doing, why he's doing it. So to be able to see that was really a huge blessing to me, especially starting out so early in my career. But then also, as far as being a disciple of Christ, it's been great for me, is also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to see how he lives, the gospel and his life. And how we continuously studies it. You know, I used to go into his office early in the morning, and he would have the scriptures playing. And I could hear him listening to the Book of Mormon in his office. And then I sit right outside his office while I did when we were when I was his assistant. And he would turn on General Conference, because we're obviously at work during the fall session of General Conference. And he would turn it on and then turn the volume up loud, and if I could hear it, which was great. And you know, people would come in his office and say, you know, like, this is the leaders of the church, they're talking. So He lives, the gospel and it in his everyday life, and that's one of the things that really sets coach apart, where there's a couple of things that really, really set coach apart. And it's he's very consistent in what he does. You can count on coach Reid to be consistent in his approach and what he does and how he treats people. But then the second thing that really really makes him unique is how good of a person he is. Right? His goodness. And his players love him because of that, like, we have players on our team that do things just because they love Coach Reid. And you can ask them, you can say like, why do you? Why are you doing this? Or like, why do you not, you know, do that? And they'll answer, honestly. And they'll say, Well, it's because coach Reid asked me to, you know, and that's the only reason. So I've learned that from him. And I've also learned that you can live the gospel, and you can be an example of Christ and the way that you live your life without being a preacher about it, you don't need to preach at people, you can just live a good life and be a good person. And eventually those people ask you, what are you doing? Or why are you this way? Or what are you studying? Or, you know, what are you watching, you know, and when they walk into your office, and you're watching General Conference, so I've loved that part. And I've loved also being able to, you know, say prayers with him and give blessings with him and do all those things that we're able to do as members of the church. So that's a real gift to me and my family to have that around us all the time.

Morgan Jones Pearson

That's incredible. Well, I felt like I could just keep talking to the two of you all day, and you've shared so many great stories and insights. And I'm really, really grateful for your time. But I also know that you are super busy, and that your time with your family is precious. So my last question for both of you is what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Carlie Ellett

I think for me, it's in the wording of your question. When you look at the Savior, He approached everything in his life, with an all in attitude, he gave his all to his ministry and his service to his fellow man. And then he ultimately gave his all when he gave his life so that we would have the opportunity or the ability to repent or return to our Father in heaven. So for me being all in in the Gospel, I don't know following Christ's example, and trying to pattern my life in the way that he did. Now, obviously, I fail far more often than I'm successful in that. But that's the beauty of His gospel is I can get up and try again, and progress and get better. And give my all in whatever season of life I'm in serving, whether that's my family, in my ward, and in my community, doing it to the best of my ability.

Porter Ellett

Yes, I think, similarly to Carlie, I think a lot of it has to be with do with, when people come to know you, as a person do, they've grown nearer to Christ, or farther away from Christ. And I hope that I live my life in a way that people when they get to know me, or they're around me, they can feel Christ's presence or feel like, this makes me feel good, or I can feel near to God, when I'm around a person who's like Porter. And I think a lot of times about one of the talks that I read, when I was kind of having a hard time with my work schedule one, the balance in life between like church and family and work, there's a talk that Elder Bednar gave, and it must have been in a Spanish speaking country, because it's translated, but he talks about balance. And he talks about how balance is a myth, and you can't really have balance all the time. So he shares a trick with everyone. And he says, Wherever you are, be present there. Know when you're at work could be at work, when you're home, get home, and when you're at church be at church. So I've tried to apply that in my own life, I've tried to be where I'm at, and have a Christlike impact there when I can. And I hope that that carries over, and I hope people can see that and feel of Christ goodness. And then at the end of the day, I hope the very best compliment I think I've ever received was from actually Alex Whitingham and his dad's coach at Utah, and he's been here for a while with us. But he said one day "Porter, you know what, you just don't have any guile. Like you're without guile." And I thought about it for a while. And I thought at the end of the my life, or the end of the day, if people just see me without guile, you know, like Nathaniel, in the New Testament, I'll call it good. Like that's it, I don't need a lot. I just want to be someone who people can fill up their goodness and understand they're there for the right reasons and for the right things. So I hope that that's what it means to be all in is to live my wife in that way. And I hope that I can do that each day.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, you two are incredible, you're a power couple and it is a blessing for me to have had the opportunity to talk with you and, and so thank you so much for your time.

Carlie Ellett

Are you kidding? My mom's gonna be so excited. She listens to you faithfully every week.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Shout out to your mom. Thank you.

Porter Ellett

Thank you, we appreciate it.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai