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Morgan Jones Pearson 0:00
Last week we heard from Emma Nissen, an incredibly talented singer who discovered her ability to write music as a missionary. This week we talked with Brandon Pak another musician who also served a mission during COVID. But who studied songwriting at Berkeley before ever serving a mission. Despite their similarities, the road that brought these two to the point of sharing the gospel through music as missionaries is quite different. Today, we'll hear Brandon's story. Brandon pack was raised all around the world while his dad served in the Air Force. He eventually attended Berklee College of Music in Boston, where he graduated with a songwriting degree. Today in addition to writing and performing religious music, he also sings as a lead vocalist for Metro Music Club, a musical group that performs at weddings and corporate events, among other things. He and his wife Katie live in Roosevelt, Utah with their newborn baby daughter, his new single worth saving was released today.
This is All In and LDS Living podcast where we asked the question, what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am so excited to have Brandon Pak on the line with me today. Brandon, welcome.
Brandon Pak 1:22
Hello, thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to be here, Morgan.
Morgan Jones Pearson 1:27
Well, this is this is a treat for me, Brandon, I have heard your voice you are incredibly talented. And it's a it's exciting for me to get to talk to somebody that loves music, because I really, really love music. But I want to start, you grew up kind of all over the place. Because as I understand it, your dad was in the Air Force. And I know that there are some kind of unique challenges that come with having a parent in the military. So I'm, I'm wondering what did music mean to you as someone who has called many places home?
Brandon Pak 2:08
Thank you. That's a that's a an interesting question. Because I think simultaneously being able to call many places home can often mean calling no place home as well. So I think whenever people ask me, where are you from? Yeah, me. You know, I like list off three or four places. Well, I was born in Vegas, I spent a couple of years here a little bit in Japan and California, I kind of Donald over the question. But I think in terms of being a military brat, it's easy for all of the nouns, the people, the places and the things to feel very transient, you know, like people that come and go, the relationships don't last very long, he's just gonna end up moving. But for me, music was definitely always a constant. I think everywhere I went, you know, and I think family is another constant too, you know, obviously, like, I go around, and my mom and I would sing karaoke in the basement or ghosting and in bars, you know, we we'd go all the employees, she signed me up for voice lessons and talent shows and theater camps and choirs and groups. And she was always behind me, she was always the one like, over the whip behind me, because I like didn't want to practice, you know, and she's like, if you don't practice, you're never gonna get great. And it's so so interesting, because her support was always so much. And then I remember always, you know, trying to be like, well, let's see what Papa things that I wanted to show my dad. And he's like, Well, these works. And I was like, oh, no, so I kind of had these two fingers at home who one was so behind me and definitely can always see the potential. And the other one is like, well, you're not working hard enough to live up to the potential. So I don't want to give you too much grace type deal. But I think music you know, as a whole, as a as a concept. It's, I think, before I really understood what it meant to feel the spirit and what that felt like music was the closest thing I could find to actual spirituality. And I think from a lot of people I know even from being in college and being, you know, in this conservatory, like experience with all these other musicians, who I deem is amazing, amazing people who I admire and adore. They similarly talk about music in a very similar way. It's, it's very spiritual, you know, some people can talk about music, like it's math, you know, just numbers, and you're kind of computing it. But for me, it's always been so emotional, and so feel based. And even when I was out on my mission, and today, when I talk to people about the gospel for the first time, you know, we get on the topic of the Spirit, you know, and that age old question of what that feels like, I always compute it through the lens of music. Like for me, when I explain what it feels like, for me, it's like when you hear a song for the very first time, and it feels like it was written just for you, you know, like the lyrics that connect, it's like you feel seen, and I get these chills that just kind of start in one place in my body and just like spreads all over. And it's this moment where it's like, it's like a heightened awareness, you know, and that's how I describe it even even to this day. So I think even it taught me a lot and it was kind of some early childhood education, even though I wasn't always on the straight and narrow path as a kid, you know who is a tile. But I think it definitely taught me some of the little minut nuanced feelings that accompany the spirit in a secular way.
Morgan Jones Pearson 5:13
So interesting. Did you grow up in the church? Brandon?
Brandon Pak 5:20
Yes and no. So my parents are both converts. And technically, by age, I'm a convert to I was baptized when I was like 10 or 11, by the missionaries. But so my, my parents met, and then got married in Virginia, there's a whole funny story that that accompanies, that there was a whole night, my dad was joining the military, he's like, Well, I'm gonna go off to England, if I come back, I'll marry you, you know, if you're still here, and my mom was like, No, marry me now. And then we'll go together. So they kind of made the struggle out there to England, and they, they didn't grow up in the church at all, you know, they've never been missionaries or anything. And then, when they were out in England, in a pretty difficult financial spot, and even in a difficult place in their marriage, the missionaries came by, and my dad experienced the lessons. And there's a whole host of amazing experience will experiences that he had, and shortly after my mother did as well, and they both converted to the Gospel. And for a long time, I think my dad was like a total spiritual warrior. You know, he just talks about, like, meeting people and hearing God's voice and being like, talk to that person, you know, and he'd go and talk to him, and they'd get on the subject of the gospel, and they'd break down if you don't know, Raymond. My last name is Raymond, you don't know. But I'm, I'm actually a member of your church, I've just been inactive for years, I don't know what I've been doing. It's just crazy, crazy choice experiences. And after a while, I think he just got a little tired from being constantly spiritually involved. And so my parents took a bit of a hiatus from the church, and then a long period of inactivity. And when that period of inactivity happened, that's when I was born. So I wasn't raised in the church, necessarily, quote, unquote, but I think if we went to a church, you know, however often it was in a year, it would be our church. So I was familiar with it. It's not like I went to any others. But it wasn't a regular going experience. We didn't like read the scriptures every day. As a family. I didn't know what family home evening was until much later in my life. I don't know any of the primary songs, you know, my wife will sing them to our baby. And I'm like, Yeah, born on the apricot tree. You know, like, I'm like, what is happening? So it's, it's funny the way that works. But, yes, so I was born during that period. And then as I got older, I think my parents realized and started to have a bit more perspective, oh, I really want the gospel in our children's lives. And so that's when I started to pay a little bit more attention. I think it's probably around like nine or 10. And that's when the missionaries, you know, serving as missionaries like well, that golden experience of you know, that now over age dependent child in the home, who isn't, you know, unbaptized and everything. So, that's Nick came over and got to meet with me. And so that's kind of how I was learned about the gospel.
Morgan Jones Pearson 8:06
Okay. And then you said that you made a conscious decision when you were 17 to stop going to church? Tell me a little bit about that.
Brandon Pak 8:18
Yeah, yeah. So from the time that I was baptized, through, you know, kind of early high school, I think I had a lot, a lot of experiences, socially, and with the church that felt conflicting. For me, that was really difficult. I think at the time, as a as a musician, and as a big theater kid, you know, I am a huge, huge friend of not only the LGBTQ community, but so many different aspects of the gospel that at the time, you know, in my youth, I felt were very constricting. And even then, I just didn't. I, it was tough for me growing up sometimes because my dad had such a strong understanding of the gospel. And he was like, this is true brand. And he'd sit me down for these long, multi hour sessions, where he would just kind of drill into me in a loving way, but also in a very stern way. He's like, You don't understand this is the truth. You know, it felt always so heavy to me. And I would always have to keep repeating myself, like as much as you know, it's true. I don't feel it. You know, I have not had the experiences that have made me really know, God. And I've prayed and getting older. You really learn what sincerity means when you're trying to petition God to speak with him and really get to know him and I wasn't at a level of maturity, nor at a place where I was ready to fully accept the gospel. And so I decided when I was 17, I was like, you know, I I feel Well, bad when I go to church, you know, I go to church, and I don't feel like I fit in with anybody, which really shouldn't truly affect your relationship with God, there's so many different things you can pick yourself apart when you talk about who you used to be when you're a kid. But overall, I just felt like I was being led away by one entity or another, I just felt like I needed to take some time for me and figure out what I truly believed. And I think something that was difficult is when I started to experience more commercial and professional success with music, that was the same time that I started veering away from the gospel. And those are some of the hardest conversations, you know, and I think today, even you know, for many of the listeners, I'm sure, it's an extremely difficult conversation to have with your child as a parent, or to be the kid to talk about the fact that you don't want to go anymore, that you don't feel it, you know, that you want to go and whether it's exploring other options or do something else with your Sunday, that was a really tough blow. And I saw how much it weighed on my parents, and even to this day, I just admire them so much for the way they handle that situation. But I think that is was a really difficult thing, when at the end of high school, you know, you some year two years late, and I don't think I was ever like a rotten tomato, you know, it's not like I'm going around graffiti or something like that. But to not be engaged in church, and then to say, hey, I want to move across the country and go out to Boston to study music full time, you know, and then as a parent, I'm sure my mom and dad were like, No, we're losing you, you know? And it's like, Oh, yeah. So I think it's funny when when I talk about Berkeley and, and maybe want to go into another question for this sort of thing, but when I, when I talked to my parents about going to Berkeley, it was, it was more difficult for me to talk them into going to music school, and having them help me and support me in that process than it was to musically prepare to actually go.
Morgan Jones Pearson 12:00
Really?
Brandon Pak 12:01
Yeah.
Morgan Jones Pearson 12:02
Okay, tell me a little bit about that. Because I feel like a lot of people getting into Berklee, it's like, wow, you are incredibly talented. And I would be thrilled for my kid to go there. But your parents were not thrilled about it. It sounds like
Brandon Pak 12:18
it's, it's hard to. I think there's so many different factors that affect the family dynamic. But I think my mom, of course, was very happy for me. But she always had faith and she was like, I always knew you know, that you would do something amazing with music. You know, I didn't I didn't ever think the problem was you getting into Berkeley, it was just whether or not that's the direction you want for your life to go. And I think with my dad, he was kind of a, you know, in the Korean man that he is was like, No, you're not, like, Absolutely not going to music school. That's not what you're gonna get to have you do. He always wanted me to be a doctor or a pilot, or, you know, he was always saying, you know, you want to have a job where you wake up every day, it doesn't even feel like it's work. But it's interesting when we talk about effort and work that it takes to get into Berkeley and win a team. And that is because I never felt like practicing music, or performing or doing theater or whatever, you know, acapella group choir solo shows that I did. I never felt like it was work. You know, it was just always what I love to do. It was such a deep passion for me. And so I follow that, you know, all the way through to Berkeley. And I don't feel like I had to gear up an amp in any additional time to my practice, maybe like, designating my time and specific ways to prepare for the audition for different portions of it. But overall, I mean, I never stopped doing music, you know. So it just always was the exercise muscle for me. And so, of course, I was extremely nervous, you know, whether I'd be able to go in, but I mean, literally, I only applied to Berkeley, and BYU. Like, those are the only two places and I got into both of them. And I think my mom, my dad were like, Yeah, that's amazing. And I was like, Yes, it is, you know, it's so, so exciting. And then I decided to take a gap year after high school. And then I didn't accept going into BYU, I ended up staying home, which I think was another blow for my parents again, I started to listen to I was like, Wow, this kid is my kid, you know, but then, a year later, I decided to go out to Yeah, decided to just audition for Berkeley. Because when I when I went out for BYU, I didn't fully know what I wanted to do yet. I just knew that there was a school that my parents wanted me to apply for. I did I got in and then I was like, No, I'm not gonna go to school. So yeah, that was sorry that this may be a disjointed answer here.
Morgan Jones Pearson 14:43
No, no, no, no, I was just was gonna say interesting that you applied to BYU despite not being active in church.
Brandon Pak 14:52
Yeah. Yeah, I think there was like a little, a little blip. And this is it's actually something that That really affected my, when I really chose to go back to church at the end of college, which I'm sure we'll get into. There were a lot of things that changed based off this little, right at the end of my senior year of high school. My mom and my dad were like, hey, just like, just meet with the bishop, just come by, just do it goes, just think about it. And I was like, Okay, and so I met with the bishop, and to this day, it's a bishop why I love so much, you know, Bishop morguard, shout out to you. It's just an incredible, credible man who even me being you know, gone from the church still just he communicated such love to me and such Christ like energy. He was just such a kind patient person who looked at me without judgment, and always just talked to me exactly where I was. But you know, he was willing to write a recommendation for me, you know, when an endorsement to, to go to BYU. And he's like, we had a lot of different conversations about spiritual preparedness and everything like that. And I, I really considered it, I gave it my fair shot, I did feel the spirit to a minor degree, I don't think it was anything life changing, like it would be, you know, some years later, but it definitely was kind of a stepping stone in something that I think when I did decide not to go to BYU, and I decided to take a year off and then go into Berkeley, I think it kind of mended a little bit of the relationship for me where it was like, you know, I'm not going to church right now. But I don't have any hard feelings. I don't have any immediate and therefore I'm like, oh, like I, you know, I feel hard against the church for the A, B and C or anything like that. But it was more so just, you know, I want to take some time for me. But that feeling that I got there in his office was something very, very special. It was just something that in the in the long run, I didn't end up going with for BYU.
Morgan Jones Pearson 16:49
Okay. And so then you end up you're at Berkeley, I'm curious, as a musician, what that experience was like for you, and then it was during your time there that you ended up coming back to the church? Is that right?
Brandon Pak 17:04
Yes, yeah. With Berkeley, it's funny, because what they say about Berkeley is go and hustle as hard as you can, and get famous before you and then drop out. It's like, the goal is to not graduate, it's to go and just like, push and push and meet as many people and get all of your stuff out. And then you know, as a songwriter, or as an artist, or whatever type of performing musician, it's like, go grab your wings, and then dip because it is such an expensive school out in the northeast, you know what it is the conservatory experience. For me, I learned so so much. And I had a lot of different like, I initially went to Berkeley to study music, education and music therapy as a double major. And I went two years doing both of those programs. And then right in the middle, I had like, an existential crisis where I was like, every day, I am doing multiple internships. So I'm going to, you know, like a hospital out in Boston and doing music therapy with kids with different types of learning disabilities, or physical disabilities, whatever it might be. And then also doing teaching, but the focus wasn't on the cultivation of my own craft. Like I felt like I was going to Berkeley and studying the two programs that I could study anywhere else for a much cheaper price. And I was kind of having this little war with myself. I was like, why am I doing all this because I was still doing that. And I was also performing doing weddings and corporate gigs and things with different business bands, but also touring around the states and you know, in China with an acapella group and with my own shows and stuff. And so it was a really interesting experience when I decided to just take a look at where I was at. And I switched to songwriting, which is what I ended up studying. And now it's blessed my life so much such a God aligned experience, but I switched midway through and that year, I think, was probably one of the most difficult years of my life because a lot of people would contact me, and they'd be like, wow, like, you must be living the time of your life like you saying back around for Charlie Puth. Like you got to open with the acapella group for you know, Pentatonix like all these really amazing experiences. They're like, You must be having a time of your life. Like you're out there touring, you're moving, you're constantly gigging. And I was like, you know, I think this has been the most like depressed and difficult in my life has ever been like on paper, everything looks so beautiful, but I felt so empty. Like, despite the fact that all these really amazing fame oriented experiences were happening. I just felt like something was wrong. And I remember culminating in a lot of really late nights like also as a musician, like I you know, finished up a gig at 1am and other state and be driving the band van back to two hours back in, I get in at 3am. I've got a session at four like it's just The, the timeline, the whole schedule just didn't didn't fit for me. But aside from that, I think spiritually Emotionally, I just felt the same way that I did growing up as a kid. I feel like all my relationships were very shallow, very transient. Like, I didn't feel like there was any constant for me anymore really keeping me grounded. And I, there were a number of different calls. I did you know, I call my dad and he'd be like, well, I already told you so. And if you're not going to go to church, then I'm not going to if you're not going to do the one thing I told you to do, that's gonna make all this better than don't come call me about that. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I just need some love right now. You know, and that's what my mom was always really great about that. You know, she always asked about how things are going and full fledge, support me and never kind of make me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. But I think my mom and my dad both kind of had this secret hope you know that I go back to church, but because I already gave them home one time, you know, back at the end of high school, it's like, maybe I'll go to BYU and they were like, This is it. We're saving him. And then I kind of fell away again. I was like, I'm not telling them jack squat about anything spiritual for me. And so I remember one night, I used to do these long night runs out in Boston, like whatever 2am And I go run it on the Charles River, just until I was completely exhausted just to kind of feel something because I felt so alone. And one I you know, I call the suicide hotline. And I was calling them and I was like, A, and they're like, in the first thing they asked me was like, hey, like, are you in immediate danger? Like, are you about to kill yourself? And I was like, No, I'm not. But I really need someone to talk to. And I remember, not not a formal prayer, you know, not like crossing my arms or anything closing my eyes. But I remember being out walking in Boston and feeling so alone as being like, what am I doing wrong? Like, what am I supposed to do? What do I need to do to change the way that I'm feeling because I'm at the point where I just feel so beaten down from the path that I'm on that I need to change. And I literally found a chapel out in Boston, I didn't know if it was a wire, say, I didn't know if it was a family word, I didn't know what it was, I was like, I'm gonna go to the earliest one at 9am. So that I can still make it to my gig later that day, and I'm just gonna see what happens. And so I take a chance didn't tell my parents didn't tell anybody. I was like, I'm just gonna get on the tea, grab the train, show up and see what happens. And I showed up, and I remember sitting in the pew for the first time, after so much time away. And it was just the most amazing, exquisite feeling. Just really feeling like I had landed somewhere. And all of the heaviness. And the weight, you know, for a moment wasn't completely gone. But so much of it was just alleviated. There was this immediate sense of relief. And I was like, Okay, well, that's something and I found out that it was kind of the the middle aged wise, I maybe I shouldn't say middle aged, there's the way they grew up them. Because there's such a large why as a population out there, it's like the younger ones that I actually fit into, I think I was like 22, or something like that 2122. And it went up from like 18 to 24. And then there was like the 25 to 31. And then like the 32 or 33. And up and I attended kind of that middle one was like the 25 or 31. Okay. And so there were all these really high achieving people going like Harvard and MIT and I was like, I'm just the dude, like, who can play guitar and sing. So you know, I'm happy to be some little entertainment for your guys's events if you want. But they had this thing where at the end of their sacrum meetings, like this family man, the boss, and when I say, Longfellow Park, where they are just the bomb.com instrumental in my feeling camaraderie and fellowship in the church, for sure. But at the end of their sacrament meeting, they got up like, okay, visitors, which typically, you only really do that in, you know, like the gospel doctrine, class, whatever it might be, but they do it right at the end of sacrum meeting, you know, and you just like, stand up from your pew on whichever side you're in. And if you got the cuts, you got to announce yourself, you know, I remember announcing myself and as soon as everything finished up, just like line of people coming to greet me and say hello, and it felt so, so amazing to be back, you know, and it's interesting to say back because I don't feel like I returned to any level of spirituality that I was at before. This was something totally different, you know, my heart was in such a different place. So much more open. Because I didn't have this feeling in the back of my head. I was like, well, but what if I was a famous singer, you know, but what if I was like this crazy song, right? And that moment, I just wanted to be Brandon. And I just wanted to feel
something other than the all that negativity that I've been experiencing, and I got exactly that. And I remember when I was sitting there at the end of that, I went home, you know, on the tee, and I was like, I think to test the waters here. I'm going to live the gospel to a tee like, exactly and perfectly for three months, and I want to see what happens. I just want to see if there was a change, I want to see if it lasts. Is this something that's just like one moment? It wasn't a fluke? Or was it something legitimate? And that three months was the most transformative period I've ever experienced in my whole life. You know, drinking went away all the different things, you know, from Word of Wisdom based things, to just the way that I spent my time the type of entertainment that I engaged in, I remember, I was sitting in one of my classes at Berkeley, and this is that the height of kind of some of my success, I've been contacted by America's Got Talent, and they're like, Hey, you should, you know, come on the show, because they went out to scout some of my shows that I'm doing, like, Hey, you should get your band together, put together audition video, and we'll have you on. And I was like, Let me think about it. You know, when do you need things from me, and they give me all these timelines. But I was so much more interested in the spiritual preparation that I was doing that I was I was sitting in one of my classes. And the songwriter for Jesse McCartney for one of his big songs was in our art class, and he was talking to us, nobody's asking all these questions. And this dude comes looking at me and I'm in the back of the class and behind this pillar, and I'm like, studying the scriptures. Like, in my quad, like I read every day, I read the standard words, like I was reading, like, teachings of the Presidents just like I could not get enough, I was just completely feasting. You know, every single day, I stopped listening to music on, on the way to anything, I was always just had descriptors in my ear, and I just was hungry for it, you know. And that three months going completely, completely changed my life. And by the end of that, I knew I was like, Okay, I need to serve a mission. I don't care what other things I have to give up on it, put in my papers. And I had my papers in an America's Got Talent was like, Hey, we just need you till September. And I was like, I put in my papers. And I told them, I could leave in June. I am sorry, I cannot. And that was a big moment for me. Because it didn't hurt. And it wasn't hard to say no at all. Which is really strange. Because I think, had I decided to go through with it. I don't know where my life would be, you know, maybe like, well, you know, you went on and you didn't get through. And, you know, maybe you just what ended up going right after. But there's also the possibility of it taking in a whole other direction, you know, and it was kind of this big decision point where it's like, do you want to continue on the path you're going before and like, kind of receive the fruit of so many of your musical labors? Or do you want to go and trust this feeling that you've been experiencing? That you kind of feel and know his right to go out? You know, when your mission, which is weird when you're like 23 At the end of college? So I decided, yeah, I was like, I'm gonna go absolutely. And so gradually, I stopped performing more and more. And I just started prepping for my mission and aligning my life with that. And I have never been the same sense. Yeah.
Morgan Jones Pearson 27:45
Wow. Such a such a cool story. So how, how did you reach that decision to serve a mission? And what did preparing to serve look like for you?
Brandon Pak 28:00
I think in the beginning, and it's really interesting. In the beginning, I just wanted to feel like I was worthy to be in the chapel. You know, I felt like it's hard, even just socially being around all the people in Boston, because they're all so high achieving, they're also amazing. And on top of that, they're like, amazing people who are living the gospel. And they never made me feel any type of way. But I remember just being in there, I was like, man, like, I wish I was like them, you know, I got assigned a ministering companion. And when I came back, I was like, What's ministering, all I know about is home teaching, you know, and they kind of explained that whole program to me, but they assigned me my ministering companion. His name was Charles Barrett. And to this day, he's one of the spiritual giants of my life that has changed my perspective of the gospel. But he would come and pick me up and drive me to church, he'd pick me up and take me to the temple just so we could do a session me and him. And he was our ministering list from people who would be you know, active attendance to people that were inactive. He gave every single one of them like his full time and attention, like, this guy is crazy. Like he was doubling going to school at Stanford, and at Harvard, like doing a double. And he would fly back and forth to do both of them. And he was keeping me on my toes for ministering. And I was like, How the heck are you doing this? Like, how do you even find the time and I found out later, it's because he likes to remind himself of like, Cheerios, oatmeal crunch and like, doesn't even eat but he just cares so much about people. And he really cared about me. And at some point, I asked him when I was in the temple with him, you know, we're like, changing in the temple bathroom. Like, why, like, how do you do it? Like, how do you give so much you know, like, what? What makes you this way? You know, I was like, did you serve a mission? You know, I'm sure you were an amazing missionary. And he's like, you know, I did I, I went out and a couple months and my anxiety was at an all time high, and I had to go home from my mission early for medical reasons. And he said Everest Then I never felt like I really got to serve the Lord in the way that I wanted to. And so now he just lives his life, like a missionary. And it's something that is really like even just talking about it. Now, it just gets me really, really emotional, because he's just an amazing person. That really taught me a lot about, you know, just the fact that somebody who wants to serve so badly, was not equipped, physically and emotionally to be able to go through that when he wanted to made me feel one and intense desire, because I was in the middle of doing missionary work as an non missionary with him, and seeing him so thrilled about it. But also, I was like, how could I squander an experience that I could still have. And so he really inspired me to want to go, and also from for myself, it was just a feeling that I knew, I knew that I could use my talent and use my experiences that I have had growing up all over and learning about the gospel and the different ways that I have an internal wrestles with faith that I've had, in my experiences, I knew that there were people that I needed to go and share those with, not because I'm all great or anything, but just because I knew what it found, like what it felt like to be lost and define the gospel, and what type of worth that gave to me as a person and what type of worth and like excitement for the future. And just everything that's included in that. And I wanted other people to be able to have that.
Morgan Jones Pearson 31:32
Amazing. Okay, and where did you end up serving your mission.
Brandon Pak 31:37
So I was called to Riverside, California, I went to the Mexico MTC for six weeks, and then I went up to the favorite place in the world at this point. California, Riverside is just those two years were absolutely incredible. And that's, that's a whole other story is applying for my mission. Because when I did, I had to submit for First Presidency approval, I had to go through and write them a letter explaining the repentance process that I had gone through, because it was kind of an unorthodox case, you know, I didn't even 18 or 19, even 20, you know, I left and I was 23 years old, I served from 23 to 25. And I remember writing that letter, and it just kind of being like a resume or a summary of all the work that I'd put in over the previous year, you know, from the summer of my junior year toward till the summer of my senior year, to basically make myself right with God, you know, I can't make myself right with him, you know, but putting all the effort possible. Do you have that repentance process? And then yeah, when I because I was originally I was waiting on that result, you know, for the longest time have fallen off my vision volunteer, I was like, hey, hear anything back from you know, the profit of the 12. You know, I was like anything yet. And I was waiting for that. And then I just got my call to the place. And I think a lot of people care a lot about where they go. And they're like, man, fingers crossed, I go for him, you know, whatever. But for me, I was like, I was expecting to finally get the approval and then another letter, but when I opened it up, and they said congratulations, like you're going on a mission. I like near like cried like I was in like the back alleys. I had just finished up like a biology test at Berkeley. That's so random. I was like taking a science class go into a musical conservatory. But I went and I was just like running through alleyways in Boston finding a little nook where I could be alone. And I like, call my mom and freaked out. And I was like, Oh, my call everything and like, where are you going? I was like, I didn't even look. Let me tell, you know, when I was in California, and they're like California, that's, that's great. I get to go, you know? Yeah. So I think yeah, I was just so thrilled that I even got to go on a mission. You know, I didn't really care about where it was. But I have such a strong testimony that I was called exactly to where I need to be, you know, thinking about people that I was able to meet down there. And Riverside. I mean, it was just incredible.
Morgan Jones Pearson 34:01
That's amazing. And were you able to use music on your mission?
Brandon Pak 34:06
Yes, absolutely. I mean, halfway through my mission, you know, was 2021, because I went from 2019 to 2021 and 2020 is when COVID hit. And so like smack dab right in the middle is when we're all being confined to our homes and everything can't go out. There were times even like, hey, like, don't, you know, don't put your tie on, you can't open the proselyte you can only do so online, right? And so it's one of those like, hey, like, pump out these videos, where you can share your testimony or share the Gospel. And fortunately, I had the opportunity to get you know, guitars from different members and to go and basically record hymns and different originals and things to share the gospel and you know, even in a nonverbal sense, when I would visit members homes are I'd go out I remember even around Christmas time, I would go out proselyting with a guitar. So I'd have me and my companion and I would be like hey, do you mind if I play you a hymn really quickly, right? I'd knock on the door. You know, be with the zone or just with my companion or with an exchange companion, I'm not going to say, Would you mind if I shared you a song that I wrote about God? You know? And they would say, yes or no, no, I don't, I don't think anybody ever told me no to hearing a song, it was actually crazy. And I got to play them a song. And then after that, you know, they could decide if they wanted to hear a message from us. But more often than not, they would say yes. And so it was amazing opportunity to be able to connect with somebody, they could ask me to play a specific song, or I would get to play, you know, something that I had prepared. And it was really, really wonderful. And it got to the point where some investigators like hey, like, if we're not gonna bring your guitar don't even come like come and play a song, first bring the spirit. And then we can pray. And it was like an opening him for every lesson. And obviously, that's an exaggerated wasn't every single lesson. But a very large amount of them. Were me being able to use music in that way. And so it was, it was amazing.
Morgan Jones Pearson 35:56
Well, I love that because I think so few things invite the spirit quite like music does. And so I think it's it's powerful that you were able to take those things that you had learned and, and use them as a missionary, you now Brandon had the opportunity to use music still to share the gospel after your mission. So tell me a little bit about how the things that you learned at Berklee about songwriting? How those things play into now sharing a gospel message?
Brandon Pak 36:34
Oh, that's a really good question. I think, really teaches you a lot of different techniques, for sure. For songwriting. You know, there's lots of different things, you know, you start with the harmony, you start with the melody, you start with the Lyric, whatever it might, might be all these different ways to navigate around storytelling. But I think one thing that I love is some people that talk about they, you know, they write in their journals, and they they title every entry, like, it could be a conference talk or something like that. But for me, every time I have a spiritual experience, I immediately process it through writing a song, you know, I don't feel like I'm ever being forced to write about spiritual topics necessarily. I just feel like the way I best compute events in my life, and very difficult to describe feelings, always has come best to me through music. And so I have loved being able to write music under desert book and under shatter mountain records. And to finally be at a place where under 10 days, you know, the first thing was coming out. Now, it's such a new thing. But I'm so excited for all the music that's about to be released. Because it's, you know, it's the same spirit that we've been able to feel even as we've been going about this podcast, where you talk about these really choice experiences, and these really intimate things that are difficult to describe. But you're able to do it through music. And I really, am thankful because for me, the music that I write is very personal to me. But it's a lot of vulnerability involved. And a lot of me some of the experiences of just not feeling worthy, not feeling like I deserve to feel as loved as I do. You know, bye, bye, God. Now, you know, the first song that I'm releasing is called worth saving. And it's about my wrestle to even feel like I am worthy of that. I have intentionally turned away from God, at times I have disregarded what he's trying to do in my life. And maybe I didn't fully recognize what his hand in my life was. But music this is kind of second nature, for me, is so wonderful to be able to pinpoint this experience, and then compute it through music, and now it gets to be released. And I hope people are able to connect to it. You know, I've been able to perform it at different state and church events, you know, did a show at Pioneer day, I mean, but probably one of my favorite experiences was out here in Roosevelt, we have a place called Thompson House of Hope. And it's a place for people to recover from different types of addictions and to change their life through the Spirit and through the Gospel. And I didn't know what my target audience was when I initially wrote the song. I just knew how I wanted it to how I wanted it to sound for me to be as accurate as possible to how I was feeling, but honestly, it was being able to perform it for them. At at an event for them was probably one of my favorite experiences doing doing original music.
Morgan Jones Pearson 39:33
Brandon, I'm wondering so by the time this episode airs the previous week's episode well, I've been with Emma Nissen, and she's another new desert book artist.
Brandon Pak 39:47
She's incredible.
Morgan Jones Pearson 39:48
She's so tan.
Brandon Pak 39:51
She is incredible. But she actually
Morgan Jones Pearson 39:54
busted out a little bit of a couple of her songs. I'm wondering if we could get you to sing a little bit of worthy to save.
Brandon Pak 40:07
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Did you break out the piano to do she
Morgan Jones Pearson 40:11
actually did she's like, let me let me as I'm telling the story let me just go up to my keyboard but you don't have to do that. You don't what however you want to do it.
Brandon Pak 40:21
Yeah, you know what I've got my guitar. Let me go grab is really quickly. I'm happy to play a portion of it. Can you hear that alright?
[Singing]
Morgan Jones Pearson 42:11
Wow, you're so good. That was amazing. Thank you so much for being willing to do that.
Brandon Pak 42:18
Are you kidding? Oh, yeah, you're so so sweet. And I cannot wait to hear Emma's music to be honest. Now I'm gonna have to definitely tune in to listen. Afterwards, I'll be like, "Take my song off!"
Morgan Jones Pearson 42:31
No, you both are so so talented. That was that was amazing. And those words are so powerful. My last question for you, Brandon is what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?
Brandon Pak 42:46
You know, I've always considered myself to be an all or nothing person. I think when you put it in the context of the gospel, it's really hard for me because I feel so imperfect and so unworthy. So many times I feel so impatient. Like, I just like, all these different things that make me feel like I'm not where I want to be in the Gospel. And so it's hard for me to ever say, I've done enough, you know, that I am fully all in. But I think it goes back to even when you're first learning about the gospel, and you talk about partaking in the sacrament, you know, and being prepared for that and what it means and the covenants that we have with our Heavenly Father. Yes, they are about obedience. Yes, they are about loving each other. But it's also about a willingness to grow a willingness to get back in the ring. And despite the fact you keep making mistakes, being willing to get back up again, and try and re devote yourself and make changes and being willing to make those changes, especially when there are changes that you didn't want for yourself, but they're changes that God is helping you to make, and you're trusting and giving your faith in Him. And so for me, being all in means accepting the fact that I am so imperfect, and I've made so many mistakes from the song. You know, I've heard so many people, and I've done so many things wrong. But I am able to begin again. And again and again. And again, each son is to take the sacrament every day as I pray to ask for forgiveness and try to grow and be a better person. And so for me all in is a check in every morning when I wake up and I say am I am I going to try to be the best version of myself and try to improve myself and ask what God wants me today. And so that's something that I strive for. And for me that's, that's a part of what being all in means.
Morgan Jones Pearson 44:28
Perfect. Brandon, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. And I'm so excited to hear more of your upcoming music. You now have a fan in me. So thank you very, very much. Big thanks to Brandon pack for joining us on this week's episode you can find "Worth Saving" on your music streaming platform of choice. Big thanks to Derek Campbell for his help with this episode and thank you for listening. We'll look forward to being with you again next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai