The following transcript is intended to aid in your study. However, while we try to go through the transcript, our transcripts are primarily computer-generated and often contain errors. Please forgive the transcripts’ imperfections.

===

[00:00:00] An important content advisory before this episode. The following episode includes graphic descriptions of extreme violence and listener discretion is advised.

When she was 15 years old, Cassidy Stay went through the unthinkable when she watched as her mom, dad, and four siblings aged four to 13 were shot and killed in their home. A decade later, Stay is 25 years old, and her example of finding peace in Christ after a horrific experience is honestly awe inspiring to me. This episode is the essence of why we celebrate Easter. President Russell M. Nelson has. Said, peace is found in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Thanks to him, death is not the end.

The resurrection will come to all who have lived. Thanks to him. Families can be united forever. Thanks to Jesus Christ. We celebrate Easter. And Easter is about peace and hope. Cassidy Stay is currently A BYU Pathway student studying family history. She also works as a nurse assistant in the cardiac ICU.

When she's not working in the ICU, she can be found spending time with friends, her 22 younger cousins who she adores or participating in her YSA ward.

This is All In an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am so excited to have Cassidy Stay on the line with me today. Cassidy, welcome. Thank you, Morgan. Well, I should start this by saying I reached out to Cassidy because someone that works with me sent me an email and said, I just heard this girl speak in state conference and she was amazing and you should interview her.

And so you come with with High Praise Cassidy. But then I was so impressed as I prepared for this interview, um, I was blown away by how. How remarkable you are. And, and you told me that you've never done an interview like this before. Is that right? That's correct. That is correct. Well, bless you for taking a chance on me.

Um, I'll try not to mess this up. Same. Um, but I You will not, you will be amazing. I wanted to start, I watched a video where your lawyers talked about how as they worked on this case, they fell in love with your family and that they felt like by the time it was all. Done and wrapped up. They felt like they had suffered a loss because they had come to love your family so much.

I wondered if maybe the best place to start is to have you tell me a little bit about your family and what they were like, what you're growing up was like prior to the incident that we're gonna talk about today. My family was awesome. I had a great childhood. My. Parents met on a blind date. My mom was the babysitter, my dad was the landscaper, and three months later they were engaged.

So they just, they just worked so well together. And my mom, Katie, she was the type of person that would, if she saw someone new at church or. A social event, she would go and say, Hey, I don't know you. I'm Katie. Like let's be friends. And like, I see you have kids. Let's have dinner and have your kids come like play with mine.

And so she was a very service oriented woman and I. She was a great mom. She was a great friend and she was just fun. She was awesome. And my dad, Steven, he was a quiet guy, but he would. He just kinda, I, it, it made me laugh just thinking of like the antics he would get up to with the guys in the young men's leadership.

They just always had stories about scout camp and like something that my dad did, just being a goofball. But you wouldn't expect it 'cause he's a quiet guy. But my dad was a hard worker. He worked. Nights as a Domino's delivery driver to just kind of help get us in a better place. When we first moved to Texas, and I remember like the highlight of my year that year was Dad being able to join us for dinner because he wasn't delivering pizzas anymore, and so it was really.

It just stuck with me, especially as I'm grown now and I have to do, I have to make [00:05:00] my own money. Like my dad worked hard and my mom worked hard taking care of us, five kids and the house, and my dad was, he worked hard to, to be able to support all of us, but me and my siblings, we all got along for the most part.

I was, I was often. You know, sometimes I was the, the older sibling bully, you know, you gotta keep 'em in line. Right. But I, I love that's, that's an oldest child thing. Okay. Just making sure, because I still feel bad. I also am the oldest child. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta remind 'em who's the boss. But I loved playing with my siblings.

Our favorite thing to do is play hide and go seek in the dark and. We had family home evening every week, and one of the songs opening or closing always had to be, Jesus wants me for a sunbeam where my siblings would like line up at the front of the living room and upon beam, you know when you normally jump, when Jesus wants me for a sun beam, they would like frog jump as far as they could across the living room.

Then once they made it to the other side, while we're still singing because they launched themselves, they would turn around and prepare to just keep Sunbeam in their way. Just it was like the highlight of their week. Seeing Jesus once week for a sunbeam. And it's hard for me to like listen to primary kids sing that without just laughing a little.

Just 'cause I picture my siblings just. Propelling themselves across the floor. Yeah, we were a happy family. We all got along pretty well and our house was the place to play at for our street. We had a lot of members on our street and there would be times when there would be like, uh, 10, 15 different kids over and total, and it would, it was a lot of fun.

Our house was the place to be. Cassidy. The thing that amazes me about you, and I noticed this in the videos that I watched last night as well, is that somehow you managed to talk about something that was horrific. Like any person's worst nightmare, and you do it with a smile on your face. I don't know how you do that.

I think that's incredible. Ugh. It's hard sometimes. My, I remember after the incident, I just had the thought of like, I can Stay in bed all day long and be miserable. I could, people would let me, probably, my aunts would drag my butt out of bed at some point, but I could just be upset and be sad about this.

Or I can, you know, you can laugh or you can cry. And so I. Made the choice and continued to make the choice to get up outta bed. And being sad and miserable is exhausting. I get a lot, much more enjoyment out of my life. Just trying to be happy, trying to be positive. I love making the patients at the hospital I work at.

I love cracking jokes with them when it's appropriate. You know, I love trying to make a smile, get on their face because. Yeah, we're all going through a hard time and you know, if we're all acting, if we're all being sad, I mean, no one's gonna be uplifted. We shouldn't, we shouldn't live our lives like that.

We should try and look for something to look forward to. And so I just, I try my best to be positive and to. Just try and be happy. Yeah. Well, you do a great job. I, I really admire that. Okay, Cassidy, before we get too much further into this, I wondered if you could just tell me and tell listeners what you remember about that day.

So. What I remember from that day is my dad had said that he needed to go to the bank for his business. He, uh, had recently started his own real estate company and his bank was out of the way, and he was like, who wants to come with me? And they were like, crickets. No one, none of the siblings wanted to go out with dad.

And so my mom was like, I'll go. And so it was just us five siblings at home. We had our mutual summer pool party later that evening. It was just a. Normal, slow, hot, humid Houston afternoon and um, I remember my parents were gone and there's this knock at the [00:10:00] door and there's this guy. Uh, in a FedEx uniform.

He has this package. It looks kind of like a, like someone took a pillow and folded it in half and duct taped it. So like a really bad duct tape, neck pillow. He had this package and he was like, is this the Stay residence? And I was like, is like, can I sign for your package? Because I was 15. I had signed for stuff before and he was, uh, are your parents home?

I was like, no, but they'll be back like, can I sign for it? And he was like, no. Yeah, your parents have to sign for it. I was like, okay. He's like, when do you think they'll be back? I was like, uh, seven. It was maybe like four. It was the four o'clock hour at this point. Um. And I knew they would. They would for sure be back by seven o'clock and he was like, okay, like I'll be back.

I was like, okay, cool. Bye. And I go back inside and I go back to. I was on Pinterest, actually. I remember I was planning my future wedding, like all 15 year olds do the best. The best 15-year-old activity of all time. Exactly. I was busy at work and my mom calls and she was like, Hey, can you put some water on to boil, preheat the oven?

You know, we're gonna have mac and cheese and like. Chicken patties and you and Brian are gonna eat at the pool party. I was like, yeah, sounds good. By the way, a FedEx guy came, um, she's like, oh, like did you sign for the package? I was like, no, he wouldn't let me, but he'll be back. She's like, okay, cool. Well we're on our way home.

I was like, cool, I'll see you guys later. 'cause it was quite a bit of a drive for them. And, um, go back to what I was doing on the computer and my siblings are all doing their own things and. Then a little while later, maybe five minutes later, 10 minutes later, there's another knock at the door. I get up and it's the same guy and I was like, is he like time blind?

Like what's going on? And he is like, Hey, your parents home. I was like, Nope. They sure aren't. And. He was like, oh, okay. And I, and I like remember stepping back, um, away from the door to look into the living room where our clock was on the wall in the other room. So I remember stepping back away from the landing to like make sure I wasn't crazy that I.

That much time really hadn't passed. And, um, I turned back around and he closes the door and he's, he's inside the house. And I was like, okay. And I didn't have any alarm bells yet at this point. And I, I. Was like, can I help you? Like what's going on? Where are you in my house? And he was like, oh, uh, I know your parents.

I was like, really? Do you know them from California? 'cause that's where both of my parents and like all of us siblings were born. And he was like, yeah. I was like, great. Do you know them from Escondido? 'cause that's where I was born. That's where they spent like their. Newlywed years. And he was like, yeah. I was like, do you know them from the Rankin Valley ward?

And he was like, yeah. I was like, okay, like we're getting somewhere. Like, tell me your name. Like that's great. Tell me your name and I'll tell them that you stopped by so that he could kind of get the hint of like, let's introduce ourselves and get out Buster. See you later, buddy. Yeah, like. Are you not reading the room?

And then he stops just he like holds still 'cause he's kind of fidgety. He goes, Ron Haskell. And I remember he was kind of freezing and I knew that that was a bad name. I knew I didn't know everything, but I knew that he had. I knew of the abuse, um, that he had done to my aunt because my mom had helped my aunt leave, uh, Utah and come down to Texas with their brothers.

And, um, and I knew him as Uncle Ronnie. I never knew him as Ron, uncle Ron, Ron Haskell. He was just Uncle Ronnie. And so it like, was like forming in my brain and it clicked and I just froze. I was like, uncle Ronnie. And he takes off his sunglasses and he looks at me, excuse me, and he goes, why don't you go have a seat on the couch?

I was like, no. What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here. And I was like, you need to leave. And he takes out a gun from his pocket and he points it at me and he goes, how about you go have a seat on the couch? And immediately I just was like, okay, sounds good. Let's. Got it. And I remember thinking like in [00:15:00] that moment, I was like, man, the movies make this look so easy.

You just like. You do a quick move and you know, you disarm the guy and then you're on your way. Uh, when someone's pointing a gun at you, you are gonna do exactly what they say. And so I turned around, I was like, Hey guys, let's go sit on the couch. Because at that point my siblings had kind of, you know, congregate, like meandered their way over to see what was going on.

And so we all go to the living room, we're all sitting on the couch. And he had said. Why don't you put something on the tv? And I was like, okay. So I put the show, good luck Charlie on it was the episode where they race the babies. That is like forever burned into my head. And so we're watching that and he asks for my phone and I was like, okay, like I can go get it 'cause it was plugged in in the kitchen.

Um, 'cause I normally listened to music in the kitchen. On our little sound system we had on there. And he was like, no, she can go get any points to my sister Emily. And so I'm like, Hey, em, like, go get my phone. And so she goes and she gets my phone and brings it back. He asked for the password. I told him the password, he checks it and he puts it in his pocket.

And I remember hearing the water boil from earlier when my mom had told me, put the water on to boil for macaroni. Um, and I was like, Hey, the water's boiling. Can I turn it off? And he was like, no, it's gonna be fine. I was like, okay. Awesome. So we're just gonna listen to this while we wait for mom and dad to go home.

Home. Great. And so I was sitting there and my siblings were on the couch, just couches in the living room, and my little sister, Emily had sat next to me and she, I. I was the first person I really had had in my life that had anxiety and I didn't really know what that looked like, um, unless it was in Emily and she was starting to get really nervous and she had some developmental delays and things like that and had a hard time communicating.

But I could tell she was starting to like work her way towards a panic attack. And so I remember I just put my arm around her. And I was just kind of gently rocking her and rubbing her back, just trying to like keep my energy calm so that she could feel that calm energy. 'cause she was picking up on what was going on.

Just bad vibes. And I remember sitting there. I said a prayer and I closed my eyes and I said, heavenly Father, I don't know what you have planned for us today. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what's going on, but please help me be okay with it. Thy will be done. Just please help me be okay with your plan.

And I just remember just saying that a couple times, like, please just pleading with him. And then I opened my eyes and I just felt this feeling of peace and comfort come over me and I didn't feel so panicked anymore. And, uh, he was sitting, he was sitting just a couple feet away from me. Ron was, and he looked at me and he goes, what did he say?

And I. Played dumb. I was like, what did who say? And he said, what did Heavenly Father says? And so I looked at him and I said, he said that everything's gonna be okay. And I, I felt that in my heart and I just kept hanging on Emily just calming her down. Just hanging out with my siblings watching. Good luck, Charlie.

And um, I remember hearing my parents pull up to pull up the driveway and we had a really rattly gate and I heard the gate start going. And normally in my family, uh, whenever dad comes home, it's a cause for celebration. Everybody would get up and dad, like he's coming home after a long time at sea. And so I was.

Expecting that. And I didn't want them to freak him out. I didn't want my siblings to get shot. And I was like, Hey guys, I have an idea. What if we surprise mom and dad and we Stay sitting down? And they're like, oh yeah, that's a good idea. You know, because what little kid doesn't like surprises? And so I was like, let's just sit still and just wait for them to come in.

And everyone's like, okay. And so Haskell gets up and. Uh, as my dad's unlocking the door, he opens the door and he sees Haskell there. And he was like, why don't you guys come inside the house? And my mom was like, what are you doing here? Like, no, what are you doing here? And he was like, I've come to get my kids.[00:20:00]

Like, come inside the house. And, um, my, my dad, like, my mom was like, no, like. Get outta the house, like, why are you here with my kids? And so he pulls the gun out at my parents and is like, come inside the house. And so my dad's standing there frozen right in front of him with like his key in the door. And.

So he's like, and give me your phone. So my dad hands over his phone. My mom had actually thrown her phone in the bushes. That's where the cops found it later. Um, but she, she chucked her phone, which was unlocked, had everyone's, you know, name, address, all those things in there. She had the foresight to throw her phone, aim into the bushes where he wouldn't be able to find it.

And, um. So my dad hands over his phone and my parents come inside the house and he was like, I'm here to get my kids. And my mom was like, oh, we were just over there today. 'cause we had gone over to my grandparents where my, uh, aunt was with her kids, and he goes, I know. So he had been following us that day.

Great. And um, and my mom said, oh, the little one will be so excited to see you. She talks about you all the time. Um, you know, just trying to spin this situation into something a little more positive, trying to talk down this madman. Um, and so he was like, I am gonna need a car. So my dad gets up and he takes his, his car key off of the key ring and hands it over to him and he's like, okay, now I'm gonna tie you guys up.

And so my mom was like, come on guys. Like it's okay. So we all lay down on the floor and we're laying there just belly or like prone belly down. And I remember I was, I had my hands. Um, tucked under my chin. I was just laying there, just kind of like looking up, looking around, like wondering, okay, we're gonna get tied up, then obviously we're gonna call the cops because this is crazy.

And then he reaches back into his pocket and he pulls out his gun. And I remember my mom stood up and she just yelled, no. And in my head I liken it like a, like a, like to a bear, like a mama bear, just. Trying to just take someone down. And my mom wasn't a particularly like large woman or anything, but she, that maternal instinct kicked in and she just started to just grapple with him.

And then the gun went off and I watched my mom drop. I immediately just covered my ears and I put my head down and I started screaming because I just watched my mom get shot and I heard more gunshots. Excuse me, I heard more gunshots go off and just one right after the other. One right after the other.

And then I felt the. The bullet hit me. It grazed me on the left side of my head. It went between my skull and my middle finger, just perfectly between my head and my hand, and I still have a scar from that I'll, those are two scars I'll have for the rest of my life. The finger one isn't very noticeable unless you look closely.

'cause it just means I have a funky fingerprint. But. I remember laying there and more gunshots are going off, and I was like, this is it. Like I've been shot. I'm, I'm, this is how we all go. And I remember seeing this like just this, this white light far away and it just kind of went o. It looked like a tunnel doors closed.

I was like, okay, I'm not dying. I'm gonna get shot again if I can't stop screaming. And I couldn't because of the immense amount of pain I was in just from watching my mom get killed to knowing what was going on on either side of me and the physical pain of being shot, and I couldn't stop and all of a sudden.

This hand, just a hand covers my mouth and a voice whispers in my ear and it just says, be quiet. And just like that. I just fell limp and I just dropped and I played dead. And this hand was covering my mouth, keeping me from screaming sure [00:25:00] wasn't my own because my. Hand, my hands were firmly glued to my ears, uh, because it was really loud.

And so that voice, I don't know who it was, but it saved my life. They saved my life. And so I just fell limp and I played dead with that hand covering my mouth. And I waited until I heard him leave and I got up and I. Looked around and I was like, I need to call the cops. I need to call the cops. Like he is on his way to my grandparents' house.

He knows exactly where they are. I need to call the cops. And he had taken all of our cell phones and I. Remembered that my dad had gotten a home, a landline, a home phone for his business. Just a couple months earlier. I was like, dad, why do you need a landline? Like we all have phones. He's like, oh, it's just a good idea to have for the business.

So I remembered that and I just made my way across the living room into my parents' bedroom and. Grabbed the landline and I called 9 1 1 and I told them exactly where he was going. I told them what was going on. That nine one one phone call though is something I wouldn't want anyone to listen to again.

I've told my loved ones, said, I don't want you to listen to that, because I had to re-listen to it for the trial and that just ripped a huge scab. I didn't even know was there ripped open that scab. But I remember as I was pacing around the house with 9 1 1, I was just making laps. Making laps 'cause of all the adrenaline that was going through my body.

And I remember walking through the kitchen and I looked at the stove and the water was still, and I looked at our old oven, and the oven was turned off. I just remember thinking, huh, nice. And I just kept pacing and just kept pacing and pacing. And I, looking back, my little sister didn't have the foresight to turn off any of the, of the, uh, appliances while she was in there grabbing my phone.

Haskel sure didn't turn any of that off. He. Got the heck outta Dodge while after he had shot everybody. And then I just, it wasn't anyone in on this, in this earthly realm, uh, that did that small little, I view it as an act of service to me because I was stressed about that. And then the cops came and they were able to intercept him.

I remember, uh. I remember I was wearing my freshman marching show t-shirt because I was in marching band all through high school. I remember I was wearing my freshman marching show shirt and these like silky, uh, rainbow pajama pants, um, because I was gonna put on a swimsuit later. So I didn't really wear a decent outfit, but I remember the, the EMTs had cut open my shirt.

I was like, seriously, guys? Like this is a. One of a kind shirt. Uh, they were just checking me for injuries. They had like shredded my pants, checking me for injuries. And I remember looking up and seeing life flight, waiting for my little sister because as I was on the phone with nine one one, they had asked, is anyone still alive?

Is anyone still alive? And I thought, no. But as I made another lap through the house, I poked my head into the living room and I saw my littlest sister, Rebecca, on the floor and she. Was still alive. And I remember saying, yeah, Rebecca's still alive, but she's not gonna make it much longer. And I had this very just clear thought of her spirit is trying to leave her body like she's not in any pain.

Her spirit's just trying to leave and. Officer Beck, uh, he was the first cop on the scene. He was pretty close to, they, they always have like a constable patrolling in my, in my subdivision. And I found out later that he went up to Becca and he rubbed her back. And he prayed over her and he talked with her.

As she was leaving this mortal life, and I remember just crying when I found that out years down the road because as the oldest child, you know, you kind of [00:30:00] have that feeling of responsibility to, to be there, you know? And I had felt bad that I wasn't there for Becca. And even though there were a million other things going on, I just, I felt like I should have been there and I was scared that she had died alone.

But to know that another God-fearing Christian man was another person was, was there with her and just kind of just was able to help provide some comfort to her that. That gets me every time, and that is just one of, to me, that's just one of the biggest blessings of that day personally, because no 6-year-old should die, period.

But no 6-year-old should die alone. Cassidy, how did you, how do you think you knew what, where he was headed next? He had. Said that he was gonna go get his kids and he had followed us around that day. And so he had seen us at our grandparents' house where he had been earlier, so he knew where to go. And I remember like telling the cops, 'cause they're like, where's he going?

Where's he going? This is all happening in my front yard. And. I was like, my grandparents live, um, on Anvil Drive in the house with the wooden mailbox. I didn't know their, their like physical street address. I just knew it was Anvil Drive and there was like, I think they had the only wooden mailbox. And so I was telling 'em this and one of the cops yells over, he goes, and Ponderosa Forest.

I was like, yep, that's the one. And so they immediately dispatch cars there and. That was like one of my biggest focuses was like he's on his way to my grandparents' house. Yeah. Well, it's amazing to me that you would have the, that your mind would be in a place where you would even be able to think about that.

But Cassidy, because of that, many people have called you a hero because of the lives that you likely saved by being able to think ahead and think quickly on your feet. You took the stand in the trial, so the trial was five years later, is that right? Yeah. And you, you testified and you also provided what's called a victim impact statement.

And I understand it was something that you hadn't planned to do but decided to do the day before the verdict and you took the stand, you looked right at. The man who killed your family and you looked him in the eye as you spoke. What gave you the ability, do you think, to do that? Something I remember very clearly about just the whole trial in general was that he didn't look up at people.

He spent the whole trial just slumped over, kind of rocking himself, trying to keep up. The facade of this is someone who is insane. This is someone who didn't know what they were doing. And so a big thing was he wouldn't look at anyone. Even when I was asked to identify him in court and I pointed, I said, that man right there didn't look up at me.

And so I remember going up there and I, it's funny, I. I still have the notebook somewhere where I, where I wrote out my, my notes for what I was gonna say. And I had written out the statement, something along the lines of like, you, you like, you're gonna get the lethal injection, or you're gonna get the death penalty, or you're gonna get the life sentence.

It was like a circle one and um, oh yeah, it was like the jury decided this or this. And. Then it was, and I agree or don't agree. And so I literally circled what played out as it happened. So I kind of knew what direction to take with what I was gonna say, but I went up there because I was like, I just have to get this off of my chest, because I know that victim impact statements are like, you know, they're, they're for the victim, they're for the families, you know, and.

So as I started speaking and he just looks up at me and like all of that facade that he had was just completely gone, and he's just staring right at me making eye contact. And it was chilling because it's like, yeah, his game is up. He doesn't have to pretend anymore. And that kind of fueled me even more because I was like, he realizes.[00:35:00]

That it's over for him. You know, he doesn't have to, to do the whole, uh, insane act, you know? And so just as he was just looking at me and I was going and, and talking, I just felt more like empowered. I was like, wow, this guy, like, it's pathetic. He's pathetic. One of the things, Cassidy, that you said in that statement, so essentially the message was, you have received this verdict.

Your mortal life is coming to an end as a result of it. But you'll have to answer to someone else. And you said, only God can save you now. And that statement made headlines caught people's attention nationally. Why was that message in particular, why was that the message that you decided to give him? Why was it important for you to deliver?

It was important because. I wanted him to know that he didn't have any more power over me. I remember because I had mentioned in, in the impact statement that he doesn't feel any remorse. And I found out later that when he was asked about like, if there's one thing he regrets, it's something along the lines of that, um, it's, he regrets not making sure that I was dead.

He regrets not finishing the job and like, what an awful, what an awful way to feel like to live your life. And so I only God can help with something that complex and that deep when you're willing to ruin your life over something like that. He. My family had said that like, he thrives, you know, he feeds off of our emotions, you know, like knowing that he's upsetting someone.

Like that's what makes him feel good. Kind of like Satan and the adversary. Like they want us to feel bad. They, they want those negative, those sad, those awful feelings. I'm sure Cassidy, that there were many things that people did, um, many acts of kindness that got you through. The days and weeks that followed.

Um, one that made national news, uh, probably international news, is that you got a handwritten letter from JK Rowling. Um, and in it she wrote to you as if she was riding from Dumbledore. Is that right? Yes, that's right. And were you a big Harry Potter girl? Yeah. So I. Remember, I can't remember how it started, but my mom, essentially, my mom and I read the books, uh, all the way up to book four through book four together.

We would each take turns reading a chapter, and then I wasn't allowed to see the movies until I read the books and I wanted to see the movies after I started reading. And I just absolutely fell in love with the wizarding world of Harry Potter and. There was a memorial at my siblings elementary school just a couple days after the shooting, and I hadn't made the choice.

My family was like, you don't have to do this, like it's all up to you. But I made the choice to speak to the crowd, and I shared the alba dumb door quote. Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on a light and that. Just kind of resonated with a lot of people.

And I mean, there's so many good quotes, uh, in the Harry Potter books. There's so many good quotes. But that was the one that kind of really was, is, was what I needed. And I remember my, one of my oldest friends, uh, his older sister kind of started the campaign of like. JK Rowling, me Cassidy or something like that.

I, I don't remember the specifics 'cause I was not involved with it at all. For me. That letter from JK Rowling came out of the new, uh, came outta the blue. But I remember getting that letter. I was like, this is the coolest thing I'll ever have in my life. And it still is like one of the coolest things that I own.

[00:40:00] I, I. I think it's awesome that she was willing to reach out to a 15-year-old in such a awful time and just provide a little bit of light. It had such an impact on her and it's really helped me throughout the years. She's a, she had some, some good written words of advice. That's awesome. Cassidy, what does it mean to you to know that you'll be able to see your family again someday?

Obviously that's a big part of what we believe as members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So what does that knowledge mean to you, and what do you look forward to most about that? That is what gets me through the hard days. 'cause I still have hard days and I anticipate I'll have hard days for the rest of my life.

'cause you know this, there's a sister in my ward, I. Sister Thacker and she said the other day in Relief Society, she says, not only is life not a picnic, but it's a picnic with aunts and I, that just stuck with me. I wrote it down 'cause it was such a good quote. But just the, the knowledge that my family is forever, that my parents were married in the temple and that they lived a good and righteous life.

That I have something to look forward to and for me, if I don't have that, what am I doing? If I'm not working for that, what am I working towards? I am so excited to see my family again. I, I think the thing I'm most excited for, honestly, is to see, um. Is to meet my brother Brian without any disabilities.

He was born with cerebral palsy and, uh, some mild, uh, intellectual disabilities, and he was, he's such a sweetheart. He had no enemies. Everyone loved him. Everyone knew him and. Um, my grandpa had said that he had a dream of Brian running in a field and running was something Brian loved to do. He just wasn't very good at it.

He would fall and his knees were always bloody and scabbed and bandaged because he just could not run very well. I am so excited to be able to speak with my oldest best friend and get to know him. On a deeper level and, you know, play tag, do all those things that I wasn't ever able really to, to do with them.

But I, I am also really excited to talk with my parents and ask them

just how they knew, how they were ready, how. How they were able to raise such a strong family at such a young age. My mom died when she was 34, and I, some of my, my coworkers, a lot of my coworkers at the hospital are 34. I'm like, you're not 34. 34 is old because that's how old my mom. Is was she's just stuck at that age of my mind.

That's younger than me. Yeah, it's so weird. My mom would be 45 now. No, she'd be 44, turning 45. I don't know. She was born in 79. You can do the math, but she'd be around that age, and so I'm just excited to talk to my parents as an adult, as someone who's had a life and. Oh, I am, I'm so excited for that sweet reunion.

I'm not in any hurry. I have a lot more things left to do. I need to get married. I need to have my own kids and you know, figure out all those things. But I'm really excited to see them again. Well, I know that your parents have to be so proud of you. You have a light Cassidy. I know we're talking at a distance, but you have a light about you, um, and a goodness that any parent would be proud of.

I, I wanted to ask you, you talked, uh, following the trial about how, uh, you had given your burdens to Christ and that that was the thing that was helping you through this experience. [00:45:00] I think about what you went through, Cassidy, and it is hard for me to even like wrap my head around it. I think as an oldest child, I, my, my oldest child, heart feels like connected to what you went through that day.

And so I wondered how, how did you learn to give your burdens to Christ? So. When I was in Young Women's, I was maybe 12 or 13. I remember I got this pretty nice printout of the scripture, Isaiah 41 10. Uh, fear thou not for I'm with the be not dismayed. For I am thy God. I will strengthen thee. Yay. I will help.

The yay, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. And. From that young age as a young woman, that scripture just stuck with me. One of my favorite hymns is hell from a foundation and one of the verses is fear not. I am with the be not dismayed for I am thy God. I will still give the aid.

And so to have those that promise from God of fear, not I am with you, I.

Have such faith that, I mean, I, I know, I know that Jesus Christ knows what we're going through the week before the shooting happened. Uh, I went to EFY for the first time and I. At EFY, I think they call it FSY now. Um, but at EFY, they said, have a question in your mind, and as you go through and like write it down, and as you go through your classes, as you go, like as you study the scriptures and pray and all these things, your question will be answered.

I was like, okay, how can I know I'm loved? And through that week it was just continually confirmed that I am loved by God, I am loved by Jesus Christ. And through that. Jesus Christ knows me and he can take his burdens upon me. And I, over these years, I've gained such an appreciation of the atonement. I think a lot of people often think of the atonement as just repenting for your sins, but I.

Christ suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, and he had all the pains of the world upon humankind just brought upon him. And so he knows perfectly exactly how we feel. And I remember, I'll never forget this, there was one night where I just, I could not sleep. I felt. My heart was breaking. My therapist had said that that's like a real thing, is just the feeling of heartbreak.

I could not stop crying. I just, I, I could not calm down. And I remember saying a prayer of like, please help me. I. I don't know what to do. I just, I need help. These are a lot of feelings that I'm feeling. I need help just to, I, I just need some of this off of my chest. I need some of this weight off of my shoulders.

And all of a sudden it felt like I was receiving a big warm hug and just kneeling there. I just had the clear thought of. This is a hug from my older brother, Jesus Christ. He knows how I'm feeling and I was able to calm down. I was able to stop crying. I was able to go to sleep and get some rest. And so just through my experiences over the years of trusting that Jesus Christ knows what I'm going through, it helps me feel less alone.

I. Because loneliness is a thing that I feel like everyone struggles with from time to time. And when you know that you have your older brother, our savior, the comforter, the Prince of Peace with you, he, he can provide that relief when you trust him and you can, I'm able to find comfort knowing that he knows.

What I'm feeling. Mm. And it just helps make those burdens and those hard days a lot easier to bear. As a bit of a follow up to that Cassidy, for 10 years now, so a decade, you have amazed people with your resilience and I wondered, you know, I think having that [00:50:00] continual relationship with Jesus Christ and continuing to rely it's.

That's something that takes, it's almost like that decision to continue to rely and to continue to give him your burdens has to be made over and over and over again so that you don't get down or discouraged or frustrated or bitter. And I wondered, what has that looked like for you in practice that Staying close to Christ.

When things get difficult, I make the choice to not be upset with Heavenly Father. I believe Elder Maxwell said something along the lines of, God can't take away people's agency, but he can put blessings and people and miracles in our path to make those burdens a little easier to bear, and when I choose to, when I make the choice to lean on heavenly Father in Jesus Christ.

Rather than shake my fist up at the sky and say, why me? It makes things a lot easier to handle. It's my mom always said, I know this quote isn't original to her, but if you ask her friends, this is just something that she would say. She said It will all be okay in the end if it's not okay. It's not the end.

And she also said, today is a good day to have a good day. And so if you combine those two sayings, you're gonna have a rock star of a day. You know, you just need to keep pushing forward. And when I choose to have that faith in Jesus Christ daily of, okay, today's a new day. Is it a good day? We'll see. My day becomes a lot easier to manage when I kind of put that trust and that faith in Jesus Christ because he, like I said earlier, he knows exactly what I'm going through.

He knows exactly what everyone else around me is going through, and so when I kind of turned that over to him. And move forward with faith that things are gonna work out. It becomes a little easier to move forward and take those steps into the darkness and not knowing what's gonna happen next.

Absolutely. Well, I want you to know, Cassidy, I have so enjoyed talking to you, and I admire the way that it's clear that you. Honor your parents and your siblings by the way that you continue to live your life. And I recognize that that probably is a choice as well. So I just want you to know that that is, that's not lost on me.

My last question for you is, what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? Be all in means to.

Trust in the Lord's plan and to move forward with faith. We don't know exactly what's gonna happen in our lives, but when we trust that things are gonna work out in the end, it was when. The Lord told Joseph Smith that these things will be for thy good. When we trust that all of these things will be for our good and we continue to go to church, we continue to say our prayers.

We continue to make the choice to allow Jesus to be in our lives taking a break from. The gospel, taking a break from Jesus isn't gonna do us any good. He is there with open arms waiting for us to come to him, waiting for, waiting to help us, and as long as we are accepting of that. We can be all in and get all the help that we need from him.

Beautifully said. Thank you so much, Cassidy.

We are so grateful to Cassidy Stay for joining us on this week's episode. A big thanks as always to Derek Campbell for his help with this episode, and thank you for listening. We'll look [00:55:00] forward to being with you again next week.