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[00:00:00] The episode you're about to hear involves a discussion surrounding the topic of suicide. Listener discretion is advised. There is a quote by Elder Dale G. Renlund that grabs Monte Deere. It says there's an old sectarian notion that suicide is a sin and that someone who commits suicide is banished to hell forever.

That is totally false. I believe that in the vast majority of cases, we will find that these individuals have lived heroic lives and that suicide. Will not be a defining characteristic of their eternities for a man who lost his brother and best friend to suicide assurances like Elder Renlins are a source of great comfort.

Originally from Oklahoma, Monte Deere's career began in law, which he practiced for over 25 years before becoming the CEO of Kizi. Monte and his wife Bobby, previously served as mission leaders in Spain and are the parents of four children.

This is All In, an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am so honored to have Monte Deere on the line with me today. Monte, welcome. Thank you, Morgan. It's a pleasure to be here with you. Well, I have been so looking forward to this Monte's brother, Jason Deere, who many of our listeners know from Nashville.

Tribute Band speaks so highly of you, Monte. So I have wanted to talk to you for years now, and I'm glad that we're finally making this happen. I wanna start with, I understand that just recently your father passed away. Is that right? That's right. He was 84 and. He, he died on, on February 6th. And, and so that's fresh in our lives.

He, he was our hero. I, I understand that your dad had a pretty remarkable life. It sounds like he was somebody who was a bit of a self-made man and then taught you all to work hard for everything that you have. So I'm curious, how did your dad and his work ethic and desire to succeed drive you and your work ethic today?

I, you know, I started learning from my dad. He would tell us stories even when we, when we were small, he was raised in a, in a very difficult family situation. Recruited, uh, he says he was the last one recruited to the University of Oklahoma to play football, uh, back in 1959. And. When he hit the campus at University of Oklahoma, he weighed 155 pounds.

That's, that's by far the lightest one on the field. And he made up for the, he made up for his size in effort. Uh, he ran every day. He lifted weights before lifting weights. Was, uh. A part of the regimen in, uh, in athletics, and he just taught us early from stories that he told us, uh, that investing, uh, effort.

Uh. Work would pay off for us. And, and then he didn't just, uh, you know, those stories were just stories until I was about 11, 12 years old and he set my brother Michael, uh, and me up throwing papers on a paper route and. Dropped us off, I think I was 13, uh, at a work site. And we, we cleaned a construction site.

We cleaned a, even, cleaned a bar, uh, for a while. It was a client of his, uh, he was a banker and so he taught us how to work and, and kept us working through. Through our teenage years and, and, and sometimes he worked with us. So, uh, that's how, that's how he did it. We, we knew that was important to him and it, it became, by doing it became important to us.

I think that ability to teach your kids to work hard is so admirable. And something as like a very young mom, I'm like, how do I, how do I do that? How do I approach that? So. I'll have to draw upon the example of your father. I, you mentioned your brother Michael, and I understand that you and Michael are 14 months apart.

Is that right? Yeah, 14, 15 months apart. That's right. Yeah. Okay. You know, we shared a room for 18 years and then we're also roommates at, at BYU for a year. So, uh, yeah, we were, we, we, we, we are close. [00:05:00] Okay, so tell me as a, as a mom of two little girls that are 17 months apart, I'm always curious about these very close and age relationships, but tell me a little bit about, obviously you liked each other if you continued to room together in college, but tell me about your relationship with Michael.

Michael. Well, we were different. We are different and, uh, but. We just, we just hung together. And even, you know, I was always a student. He was more of an athlete. Uh, he, I was older, he was taller, he was, uh, a little bit bigger and stronger, to be truthful. Um, but I think even in our differences, we looked out for each other and.

And I think particularly my mom, uh, fostered that she, she liked that we liked one another. I remember we, there was a point where, uh, we moved into a home with a, a couple, couple of extra rooms maybe in second or third grade, and they. I think for two nights we slept in separate rooms and then I think it was me, I picked up my pillow and went and climbed in bed with Michael when we were third and second graders and we just decided we're gonna do this, uh, for, for the duration.

I'll just say that relationship was, was special. Now. I mean, I can also remember my dad having to come home from work one day because Michael and I had gone to blows, uh, out into the front yard. I mean, that's what happens when you grow up in a house of four boys. So it wasn't all perfect. Yeah. But mostly, uh, we watched out for each other.

And then I understand Monte, that as you got older, you were both accomplishing. Big things, chasing dreams and, and living successful lives, but that there started to be some things that you recognized that Michael might struggle with, and that ultimately those struggles resulted in his being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Is that right? That's right. That's right. And and Morgan, it was, it's hard to see. It's, it's a really hard disorder, a hard disease. You know, I, I would see his manic phases, his depressed phases, uh, and, you know, it affected his work. Uh, it affected his family life and I wanted to help him. And I tried at times, but it was hard.

It's hard to help a grown sibling. And so I watched, uh, hard things happen in his life, in his family's life. I'm curious, Michael, how, how, as a family you all approached, helping, helping Michael and also I. How did it affect you? Obviously, if you're so close to a sibling and you're watching somebody that you love and care about, deal with these mental health challenges that I feel like weighs on you as a family member.

So, so I'm curious what, what you would say to maybe others that are observing this in people that they love and, and what you maybe learned from that. Well, you know, I remember with Michael. Part of the challenge was, I mean, I don't know if we learned over time or if the time that we learned about his bipolar disorder, it, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't as clear and, uh, it took a while.

I will say this, it took a while for him to be diagnosed. For him to try different medications. So I can just remember seeing the challenges before we could put a name or a finger on what was going on, right? And so I remember in those times

I can remember having successes in my career and watching Michael struggle and.

I just wanted him to know that I loved him and that my love was unconditional. And I think he did know that. And so I had to be, uh, even when he was struggling losing a job or another job, uh, you know, there were times when I could help him. But, you know, the challenge with. His challenge, and I think it's, it can be the challenge of many who are suffer suffering from serious [00:10:00] mental illness is that they, he, he withdrew right?

And was embarrassed. And so I think what I had to do, uh, was reach out, ask him for help. He felt like, how could I help Monte? He has everything right now. I had to ask him for help. Uh. Be with him, uh, be with his family. And I know that's not much Morgan, but that's, that's what I could do. Right, right. I, I think that you're right.

I think that it's, it's so important to, to just continue to reach out. And sometimes I think that can become, it can become a hard thing because you're like. You feel like your lives are on different trajectories a little bit, and you never wanna seem like you're rubbing in anything by reaching out. And, and so I do think finding that that middle ground, that common ground, can be tricky.

Um, I'll say, I'll say one more thing. Yeah, please. The more communication we had and that I initiated. The more he knew that I wasn't judging him and that that was important. I also remember one other, uh, detail that I think is worth knowing. I, I remember those with bipolar disorder or even, even other mental health challenges.

Know that sometimes medications to help with mental health. Can have serious side effects. Side effects. With Michael, he was an emotional person, a very spiritual person, and the medication, the lithium that he would take to manage his bipolar disorder would just make him numb. He said he felt like it was in a cocoon, and so sometimes he would just stop taking his medication because he couldn't stand it anymore and he needed to feel right and he needed to feel his.

Family and his children and the, the Holy Ghost, but then that would spiral him out of control. So I, I remember Bobby and I would talk about, look, let's not judge him. Uh, let's just be with him. Let's just help him. So as you are. Are, you're well into your adult years when all of this is going on and you get called to be a mission president, and so you and your wife go to Spain to serve as mission leaders.

Talk to me. I don't know. I was trying to think, Monte, as I was preparing for this and I was like, I don't know how many former mission presidents we've actually. Talk to about this experience. And so as somebody that has had success professionally and, uh, had a lot of different life experiences, talk to me about that call to serve as a mission leader.

What, what did that mean to you? And, and talk to me about some of the unique challenges of being a mission leader. I'll say this first, it was completely out of the blue. Uh, and you know, sometimes you can look and say, I, I wasn't retired. I was 47 years old. Uh, I wasn't independently wealthy. I wasn't working in CES, so that, uh, so, so that the church could move me from one place to another.

Uh, I was 47 years old in, in the middle of my career as an attorney, and I got a call one day from, uh, Margie, who is, uh. Then Elder Oaks, uh, Dal and H Oaks, uh, secretary. And she said, elder Oaks would like to speak with you, uh, today if possible. And you know, I remember it was surreal. I can remember, I can remember getting on my knees and before we went to see Elder Oaks and uh.

Asking to be worthy, asking to be forgiven, asking to be clean. So if he wanted me to do this, I could possibly do it. I felt so unable and, and I remember I went to see Elder Oaks and, and it was Bobby and Bobby and said something like, we're pretty young and. Are we a little too young for this? And Elder Oak said it'll be okay.

You'll do fine. And it was great. Morgan hard. We took two children with us to Spain [00:15:00] and I can remember, you know, sometimes the Lord helps us in extraordinary ways and I can remember how he lifted us and me and gave us. It gave us the courage and even the confidence to, to go and serve. I can remember the day that we first spoke to Elder Oaks.

We called our children. One was on a mission, one was just off a mission, and at BY U2 were, you know, one was in seventh grade, one was 16, and a sophomore. And a daughter taking a daughter out of high school when you, when she's 16 years old, she played soccer at Lone Peak High School. I can just remember gathering them around our table.

My older son who was off his mission, he knew something was up. What's up, dad? You don't draw us together like this. Ask me to come home from drive up from BYU and we sat down together and. I can remember, I, I, I told my children, mom and I met with Elder Oaks today, and immediately Annie's face went into her hands and she just realized that her life was gonna change.

And, you know, it was one thing for me to, to leave my law practice, to leave my Bobby and me to leave our home, but. This is our daughter who, who was at a critical time of her life. Her hands were in her face, was in her hands for maybe three, four minutes, and then she picked up her face and she said, we've been blessed.

I guess if the Lord asks we can do this. And it was really hard for her to leave and to start school again. High go to high school in, in Spain, but I. You know what? We look back, it was a great experience for us, and, and we were blessed from the time you started talking about your daughter. I got like chills thinking about.

Thinking about the number of kids that don't necessarily get a shout out or a lot of glory for sacrifices that they make for the church, and that is a big sacrifice. Any, any young woman having to move in the middle of high school is a sacrifice, much less moving to a foreign country. And so I. Applaud your daughter and your family for, for your service and all those families who make unseen, seemingly unseen sacrifices for the, the gospel.

Monte, while you were in Spain, how, how far into your mission were you when you received word that, that your brother Michael had taken his own life? Yeah, we started in the summer of 2012, and this was in July of 2014 that, that Michael took his life. And you know, it's interesting, you've been a missionary, some may not have been who are listening.

Missionary life goes in cycles. It actually goes in six week cycles and the busiest cycle for mission leaders, for Bobby and me. Was the week that missionaries were leaving from the mission and a new set of missionaries were entering. And this, it so happened that Michael had gone missing. And this happened.

We, we learned about this first on a Monday, may, maybe Sunday of the week of transfers. And we, and we really learned that they had found his body. And that he was gone and that, that, I mean, there was a whole saga to it and, but while this happened, my brother Jason and my father were driving from Salt Lake City.

Jason had flown in, picked up my dad. They were headed up to Meridian, Idaho, and they were learning about. The whereabouts of my brother's body, what had happened over several hours through a Monday, and we had in Spain 5,000 miles away, we had, I believe, eight new missionaries and eight trainers there. The missionaries who were to be their trainers in our mission home, staying in the, in the missionary quarters, in the basement, and.

[00:20:00] So the work goes on, right, right. I was interviewing missionaries and meeting new missionaries, training trainers, and we were learning that Michael was gone and it was hard. Uh, in fact, I remember that I felt numb. Maybe I didn't, maybe I felt like I didn't have time to feel I. And so I marched through that week, getting back with my family, started to talk about funeral arrangements, how I could possibly participate from distance, but frankly, not much grieving, not much feeling at all.

I would say not much spiritual comfort. Some feelings even early on of, oh, why, why didn't I help? Why wasn't I more aware? There was a, a bit of a financial aspect to Michael's challenges and his family's challenges, and I thought to myself, oh my gosh. Could a few thousand dollars have changed his situation so he wouldn't have taken his life.

And I think it's natural to feel those feelings, and I've had to deal with those. And, you know, Bobby is so great. She, I, I, I actually wasn't terribly receptive to her comfort, but, uh, first, but she put her arms around me and said, it's not your fault, auntie. There's nothing you can do. Or could have done.

It's okay. And I remember some days passed and I had been numb. The week ended. We got missionaries out of the mission home off to their areas. You know, it was a time always in the six week cycle that we just took a couple of hours and took a nap during the day and just recovered. But I can remember one day in the, in the mission home.

And I remember specifically, I usually prayed on my side of the bed on my knees, but this time I was sitting on the side of the bed on Bobby's side of the bed, and

a call came over me and I slid down to my knees.

And I don't know if I was praying or just listening. But, uh, I heard a voice, not an audible voice, Morgan, but a voice nonetheless. They were words. I heard words. How about that? Yeah, and this is what I heard. I heard three things, Monte.

I've got Kelly and the kids. Don't you worry about them? Second, I am not finished with Michael.

And third, you have work to do and I can't do anything about that. And you can't do anything about that. So just go and do it.

And so. Those messages were meaningful to me and still are. Still are. I mean, the idea that he was telling me I am not finished with Michael, I mean, for those who have lost a loved one, you know, you can look in the scriptures. It's hard to find in the scriptures specifics, but for anyone who's suffering as we were suffering, then.

I think those words are real. I ha I am not finished with Michael Deer, and I think you can find signs about that in the scriptures. There are signs in doctrine Covenant section 1 38, which is a, you know, a, a, a revelation given to a father who had lost a son and was asking questions about his son. I have some family friends who recently lost a loved one to suicide and, and so this has been a topic that has been weighing heavy on my heart, and, um, I'm grateful for your willingness to share your experience with Michael.

So, Monte, you, you've returned home from your mission and you. I understand that you're a very active person and you [00:25:00] mentioned in our communication prior to this interview that one thing that has been impactful in your life has been that in the recent years you suffered a heart attack and you're a very active person.

So tell me, tell me a little bit about this experience that you had with your health and how that has, has affected your life, not only physically but spiritually. I would say until I, until I was, you know, maybe aside from Michael's death and I was about 50 years old, then I would look back and, and I can remember saying to Bobby, uh, we hear about trials, but we live a charmed life.

And, and then I would say my fifties. Charmed would probably not be the right, right. Description. I had a heart attack, but it wasn't just a heart attack. It was, it's a recurring set of health issues that I never would've thought. I mean, I was a runner. I've run multiple marathons. I, it's just, I've been active biker much of my life, and 2017, that set me on my backside.

And honestly about every year or two since I've had some serious, I've had some serious health issues and, and I remember one Morgan I'll tell you about, I was, I had had a heart attack in 2017. Didn't really know the extent of the damage. I can't see your heart. They can't really see how much is damaged unless they look really closely and I.

Then I had just left my law practice and was working at, uh, k, uh, a shoe company that of which I'm the CEO, and I mean, shortly after leaving, leaving my law practice, the pandemic came. And in those early days, if you remember back. There was a lot of uncertainty around covid. Today we have, for one thing, the strains are not as strong and not as dangerous, but pre vaccination it was serious.

We, I, I can remember I contracted COVID in August of 2020 and, and. At the time I was, I was busy. I was serving as, as a, a state president in a, in a YSA stake in Provo. Great calling by the way. Loved working with Ysa. And I, and I was the CEO of, of this company, Kik. And I got sick. I got very sick. And you know, in those days I was in the hospital.

I could barely get up and walk and. Again, there was so much uncertainty around covid. Bobby couldn't come to see me. My children couldn't come to see me in the hospital, even the excellent healthcare providers. The protocol then was for them to come in and see me. They had to completely put on a plastic or a paper suit.

PPI, I think they called it. They had to PPI up and walk in, and then when they finished, they had to pull all of that paper off. Take off their mask, their gloves, their their eye covers, wash their hands, wash their face. We didn't know, is this being contracted through the air? Is this something, if you just touch something that's been infected, you'll get sick.

So, I mean, I can, I can remember I was sleeping 16, 17 hours a day and just looking at the, at the hospital, at the ceiling, at the hospital. And so I, I was very sick and I. In fact, a, a, a, a quick story. This was hard for me, Morgan. I couldn't get better, and at this time when I was most sick, I remember a friend of mine, Steve Bednar, an old law school classmate, he called me and wanted to get together.

We hadn't seen him and his wife, Cindy, for a while, and he called me and wanted to go to dinner and I couldn't answer. And so after a couple times he called Bobby and said, what's up with Monte? I haven't heard back from him. And she told him the story and Bobby said, look, let's set a date out in the future.

And so this was September and we set a date to go to dinner on November 6th. Surely Monte would be better by then. Well, I can remember this was a particularly hard time for me because I thought I was gonna die actually. And. I can remember. I can remember listening to Bobby pray and saying, heavenly Father,[00:30:00]

we belong to you, and if it's Monte's time, we can be okay with that. It's not what we want. But we can be okay with that. And I think when you get to that point together as a couple, oh, I, I was completely reliant upon her. And I mean, it was sweet in that way, but it was hard. And, and I remember maybe the hardest thing for me during that time was I got a call from a member of our area presidency saying, look, Monte, he said, president, Deere, but look, Monte.

Somebody else can do this job. And I said, please, I love this. I love this job. I love this calling and I don't wanna be released. Can you give me another month? And I remember he said, okay. He asked Bobby what she thought. He said, okay, we'll give you a month. This was in October and, and a week later, he called back and he said, I can't get you off of my mind.

We're gonna have to release you. And I think it's the right thing, president here. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And I, I was just distraught and I remember thinking, heavenly father, look, you called me. You can heal me. I have the faith, please. And I couldn't see the reason why that couldn't happen, but I didn't get better.

And in fact. You can't just release a state president, you have to go through the process of calling another. And so he called me back and said, look, you'll be getting a letter. And I got a letter saying, your state conference will be on Sunday, November 8th, and that's when we'll replace you and you'll be released.

So things went on. And remember I had set a date with friend Steve and Cindy Bednar and Bobby and I. I was well enough to go to dinner at their home in, in Midway. We got to their home in Midway and uh, we just were catching up and they were saying, how's your health? And I said, well, it's good, but you know, the truth is it's been hard.

I haven't gotten completely better and I'm gonna be released from my job estate president on Sunday. Steve got quiet and he said, where's your stick center? And I said. It's by the, it's right by the Costco in, uh, Orem. What stake is it, Monte? I said, it's the y it is the Provo. YSA 11th stake. And he said, oh, I have an interview there tomorrow morning at 9:35 AM I said, oh my gosh, I'll be there 27 men are being interviewed tomorrow.

And I'll see you there because I'll be there hosting Elder Schmo. And, and his companion is a interview for the state presidency job. So I was there the next morning. Steve showed up. I actually knew several men who were being interviewed that day, and 27 men were interviewed. And mid-afternoon, other Schmutz said we were finished.

They were finished with interviews and he called me in and he said, president Deere, did you have any feelings? I said, oh, I was not expecting you to ask me. And I said, well, I don't know that I had feelings, but I had an experience. And I just recounted to him our dinner the night before with Steve and Cindy Bednar, and tears started coming out of his eyes and he said, Hmm.

He said, the Lord just shined his light on Brother Bednar. And in a moment I'll make a phone call to him and his wife and if they'll accept that, they'll succeed you as a state president of, of this stake. And to me it was just the Lord saying, look, Monte, I've got this. It's okay. I don't know. That wasn't the story that I'd planned to tell, but uh, that's what happened.

And I was sick and I got better and I have been sick again. Morgan. And it teaches you things that, that are hard to learn, but important to learn. Well, I, I can't imagine, I, I just actually was thinking about this yesterday, about how interesting it is. I am 35 and I was thinking about how I can remember my parents being my age and I can remember my dad started to have some trouble with his back and my mom has had struggles with her neck for years and, and thinking about how.[00:35:00]

I am now at the age that they were when they started dealing with those things and thinking about how aging and, and health is such a fragile thing and you don't know what you're gonna deal with. And, and I think that that can be scary and daunting and, and as you I understand are are really active person and somebody that has relied a lot upon, I'm sure exercise and being healthy.

Physically in order to be able to fulfill the other responsibilities that you have in your life. I'm curious what you've learned, Monte, from dealing with these health challenges about the way that the Lord helps us even when we can't do like we'd like to be able to do. Does that make sense? Yes. Yes, it does make sense.

You know, I, I think one little lesson that we learned, Bobby and I learned, I, I don't know if it answers your question exactly, but it comes to mind at the time when we, when I was sick, and this has happened several times, we had, we had friends, a couple who she had been sick, uh, with, with some autoimmune disease challenges and.

At the time they lived in North Salt Lake in the same ward with President Russell M. Nelson and his wife Wendy. And after she'd been sick for a while, president Nelson checked in with my friend Steve and said, how is Brenda? And Steve gave a report and President Nelson said something interesting. He said.

This is interesting, Steve. He said, I've seen this. I've been around, and of course he's been around, he's been around a hundred years, and he said, I have seen people who have gotten sick in middle age, and then it caused them to take much better care of themselves, and then they went on to live long lives.

I know that's pretty practical, but when a prophet of the Lord says that, Bobby and I have hung on the, on, on that story. Yeah. I mean, if you knew what I eat and don't eat today, uh uh, you know, we're working on it and, and I think sometimes when we have this kind of sickness in, in midlife. It's easy to think, uhoh, this is gonna be, my life is over.

My life is over. And uh, you know what? That's just not me. That's not Bobby. We're we're optimistic. We're resilient. Am I gonna be sick again? I bet I will. I mean, the odds are good because it's happened to me. But we're gonna do our best. We're gonna do our best. I love that. That's such a great, such a great insight.

I, I wanna touch on something Monte, before we wrap up. You have mentioned that you were a lawyer and now you are the CEO of a company and I. First of all, I am curious about how that even happens, how somebody goes from being a lawyer to then taking over a company. But as we've been talking about these health challenges, I couldn't help but think that if you Google kic some of the, the most, uh, some of the top search results that come up.

Deal with the way that Kik has helped people with limited mobility. And so I'm curious how, or I'd love to hear how being a part of a company that is helping people with some health challenges be able to do something that seems so routine as being able to put on your shoes, but to some people that is not.

That's a hard thing. Um, and so talk to me about what it means to you to be a part of a company that is helping people with, with some, some health and mobility challenges. Love that question. And it's, it's the best part of my job. Our founder, Mike Pratt. He, he wasn't necessarily thinking, Hey, we've gotta change the way we wear shoes in order to help people with disabilities, or help people who are aging, or children or women who were expecting.

But you know, we found as we, as we made hands-free shoes and as they got better and as they were available to people of different ages, that, you know, this product is good for. Everyone, but oh my goodness, it's life changing for those who need it most. And, and, and I, I, uh, I guess I would say the kind of story that I hear every single week, at least sometimes daily, is the story of maybe a man with [00:40:00] early onset, uh, Parkinson's, who has lost mobility in his hands and arms.

Maybe whose wife has been putting on his shoes, uh, for four or five years and he's lost independence. And he says, oh my gosh, Monte, to be able to slide into my own shoes and be independent even in that way, it just is life changing and I, I I I love that. I love that. I also love. To see a little 2-year-old, I have grandchildren, they slap their hands on the wall to brace themselves, bam, bam.

Right foot in, left, foot in, and, and these shoes work for them. And, and it's, it's, it, it is, I would say, satisfying, to say the least, uh, to be able to help people that in, in, in ways that they didn't even know they could be helped. Well, I think it's neat to see the way that, like you said, you said the, the founder of your company didn't, didn't intend to help people with mobility challenges.

That wasn't the, the initial goal, but it's amazing to me how the Lord works and meets people's needs in ways that, that we don't even anticipate. Monte, you have been a joy to talk to. Thank you so much for sharing So many. Personal things and and insights into your life. I think it's so interesting to see the way that the Lord is in the details of our lives and shapes us and molds us into who he needs us to be, and it's clear that he has done that in your life.

My last question for you is, what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? Well, I knew you were gonna ask me that, Morgan and I thought about it and. My wife Bobby says, Monte, do you always have to be so dang all in in everything you do? Could you not do something halfway? But, but you know, I think, I think my view on being all in, in the church of our savior, Jesus Christ, it's about him.

And I think maybe the way he would have us be all in is maybe sometimes a little counterintuitive. Because we are all in, whether we're plowing fields or working a job or being a mother of two little girls, you know, he's okay with us being all in on other things. And I think being all in for him is creating a little space for him.

Uh.

Listening to him say, come, let me pick you up. Let me brush you off. Let me apply a little salve, a little balm, and let me give you some bread and some spiritual water. Uh, let me clean you. From the inside out, and then you can be back, uh, being all in on the things that you choose. But give me room. Give me space.

Let me love you. Let me do for you what you can't do for yourself. What only I can do to me. You know, he, the scriptures define that as faith in him and repentance. But to me, that's what he wants to do for us. What we can only, what he can only do and we can't do for ourselves. That's such a beautiful. Way of putting that.

I couldn't help but think as you were talking. I just, in the last couple of weeks I had been feeling so overwhelmed and anybody with small kids can probably relate to that, but I, I. My, my girls were not sleeping well and it felt like we were going to bed late, my husband and I working late while they were asleep so that then we could get up in the morning and do it all over again.

And it just felt like there wasn't enough time in the day. And I went to the temple and. Wrote down the, the morning after that I needed to get up early. And for any young mom that is, it's like you want me to get up half an hour earlier than my girls wake up, so that I feel even more exhausted and, and like you said, it feels counterintuitive, but I started trying to do it and I have not been perfect.[00:45:00]

But I've noticed on those days that I do get up that half hour early. Um, and read my scriptures and say my prayers, the things that were getting lost in the shuffle of the mad dash in the morning to make oatmeal and change diapers. Um, the Lord took that little offering and was giving me more energy.

And the ability to do more and to do better and to feel more like myself. And so I love that answer and I'm grateful to you for, for putting it the way that you did. Monte, thank you so, so much for your time. Thank you for having me, Morgan. It's, it was such a pleasure to be with you, to hear. Your voice to be able to share some of my thoughts and feelings.

We are so grateful to Monte Deere for joining us on today's episode. As always, we're grateful to Derek Campbell of Mix at 6 Studios for his help with this episode, and we're grateful to you for spending your time with us. We'll look forward to being with you again next week.