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[00:00:00] Morgan Jones Pearson: When Staisha and Michael Sheffield brought their little nearly three month old baby boy Clayton home from the hospital on January 31st, 2023, they were told that he wouldn't make it through the summer.
In celebration of his birthday in November 2023, his mom wrote on Instagram, this year has carved us out. We have redefined miracles and readjusted what we hoped for. But after months and months of intensive therapies, medications, and doctor visits, we have made it. One year. One year with our little guy.
Clay's future is still unknown, but for now, he is here with us. Small, but mighty. Staisha Stratton Sheffield grew up in Orem, Utah, coming from a big family of eight kids. She always knew she wanted to have a big family of her own. Staisha went to BYU, graduating in health education, served a mission in Croatia, worked and traveled extensively, then finally found her Prince Charming, Michael, who was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois.
They are currently living in Birdseye, Utah, where they are taking care of a family of and navigating raising four young children, each with their unique and special needs.
This is All In, an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am honored to have my friends. Staisha Sheffield on the line with me today. Staisha, welcome.
[00:01:35] Staisha Sheffield: Thank you, Morgan. I'm so, so happy to be here with you.
[00:01:39] Morgan Jones Pearson: Well, it is so fun for me always to have a chance to reconnect with an old friend and to be able to do this and share it with other people, because I, I think that you have so much to be able to share with people based on the experience that you've had over the last couple of years.
But I want to start at the very beginning of your experience with your fourth baby, Clay. I wondered, so as I was preparing for this interview and trying to like brief myself on timeline and everything, I wondered, had your pregnancy been totally normal up until the night that you thought you had food poisoning or was there, were there any signs leading up to that?
[00:02:23] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah, it is so interesting because, yeah, like you said, this was my fourth. I, my husband, Michael and I, we got married a little bit later, like we were married 29 and we were like, Hey, we want kids. We got to have these kids quick. So my kids, I had four kids, but they also came very quickly.
[00:02:43] Morgan Jones Pearson: Relatable.
[00:02:44] Staisha Sheffield: My oldest, my oldest was four at the time. So, but with that said, it was like pregnancy. I knew what was going on. And we had been very. Privilege that I had normal pregnancies and it was very nothing out of the ordinary. So if this fourth baby, yeah, it was completely normal. There was no hiccups, no problems.
And that's, I think the biggest reason why when I started throwing up after a family, a large family gathering, like it's just food poisoning. I'm just, I ate something weird. That's upset my stomach. So, that was my only warning sign, really.
[00:03:29] Morgan Jones Pearson: So, at what point did you decide like, I probably need to go to the doctor rather than just think it was food poisoning?
Because I probably would have thought the same thing.
[00:03:39] Staisha Sheffield: So, I started throwing up on November, like around midnight. And it was about every 30 minutes I was throwing up and I, in the back of my mind, I had my mom's voice always saying, you got to stay hydrated when you're sick, you know, stay hydrated. And so I would drink water.
I try to eat applesauce and then I, but I'd immediately throw it up. It wasn't until about 11 o'clock on Sunday, so it was a Saturday, that I started throwing up. Sunday, that my vision kind of started going where I'm like, I probably should call about this and see what my doctor says. And so it was kind of like at that point, they're like, you need to come in.
[00:04:18] Morgan Jones Pearson: So you go in and it's determined that you need to have an emergency C section. Tell me a little bit about what you remember about that day and. Tell me about, you've said that there, there were a lot of miracles that day. So tell me about kind of what happened.
[00:04:35] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah. God is so good, Morgan. I want to start about a little bit before the day.
So this was a Sunday and my husband had just been released. We live up Spanish Fork Canyon. First off, we live about 35 minutes from, Spanish Fork, Utah. So we, we kind of in the wilderness and my husband had just been released from a calling. He was in the high council, which had taken him typically on Sundays down into Spanish Fork from early morning to mid afternoon.
And so the first miracle was that he had been released and he was at our branch. Just 10 minutes down the road because on that Sunday morning he had taken the kids to church because no one else was sick, you know, and I was at home. And so I was able to text him, Hey, come home right after church.
Something's not right. I think we need to go in to get checked. So when he came home, it was quick and we were able to load up the kids and head down the Canyon. So that was another miracle that we made it to the hospital. Another huge miracle is that I have a lot of family in Utah County. And so when we made it to the Orem Community Hospital, which is where I delivered my three previous children, my sister, Amber, was able to be there really quick to do a baby swap.
So Michael dropped me off at the entrance of the hospital, and I went in and I kind of checked in. They put me in a wheelchair, and I was just feeling awful at the time. And right when I was being wheeled in To the room. I had a seizure. I kind of felt it coming on. I was like, the nurse was asking me questions and I had the thumb, like, I think I'm having a seizure and then it all kind of went black after that.
And what happened was, so I had my seizure, a nurse ran out to get Michael, who was still kind of switching the kids with my sister. And she says, we need you now. Your wife had a seizure come in right now. And so Michael comes running in and my sister. I was able to take my kids and also call my parents who were in California with my grandpa who actually was on hospice.
Anyway, she calls them and she kind of lets them know what's going on. And my dad sent out a text to my family and to my extended family saying, pray for Staisha right now. She's at the hospital and she's had a, she's had a seizure. And so. Within about 15 minutes, I had my three brothers there and my sister there to be with Michael during this really intense time that they didn't know what was going on with me.
And so my family was there, people were praying, and miracles were happening. Because what happened was I had an eclampsia seizure. You hear about pre eclampsia, right? And it's like, they monitor your blood pressure, but I had no signs, kind of like what we said. And what happened was my body was shutting down.
And so I had the seizure, my placenta ruptured. And so they, I was bleeding out and they had to quickly do a C section. Like I was only 28 weeks pregnant. So they did a C section. They got the baby out, little Clay, and got me put back together. And then we were both lifelighted to Utah Valley Hospital.
Because Orem Community, it's a perfect hospital when you have a normal pregnancy, but they're not quite equipped for bigger things. Right.
[00:08:45] Morgan Jones Pearson: I totally get that. Okay, so tell me a little bit from that point where your life flighted, you get to Utah Valley Hospital. Tell listeners about what happened from there that leads us to where you are now.
I know that's a lot to ask.
[00:09:02] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah, no. So, Clay was born, once again, at 28 weeks. So that's, he was considered a micro preemie, he was 2 pounds 5 ounces, but initially, everything checked out. From his head to his toes, like, he was fine, he was just small. His brain was okay, his lungs, his heart, everything was okay, but he was just small.
However, when they started to try and feed him, Nothing was passing through his intestines. Like there was something going on. They had never quite seen something like this, but there was a blockage in his intestines. And so what ended up happening, he had a surgery. It was Meckel's diverticulum. And if you were to have this.
As like an adult, they just go cut out the bad part of your intestines, so you back up and you're fine. But because of his size, he was so small, they had to take out the blocked part in his intestines and then leave his intestines on the outside of his body. So there were two spots on his stomach that like, so he would eat food and then there would be a bag where they would collect the food and then they would refeed the food to his other side of his.
His stoma, the other opening and then he would go into a poopy diaper and so he And originally they said, okay, he had this surgery. Now we just need to wait for him to be at least five pounds and we'll put them all back together. It's fine. Nothing, nothing to worry. Like we're, we're going to be okay. And so like, all right, you know, like we're doing okay.
But then things just happened, you know, he kept getting infections and then really freaky Out of our control things that like happened where he had another blockage, so they had to go in for a second surgery and then his intestine twisted around one of his openings, so he had to go on for a third surgery and then his veins were collapsing, so they had to go and put a Broviac, like a central line in and throughout this whole thing, they were always checking his brain, checking his heart, you know, everything else and everything was okay.
He had infections, but they were able to treat it with antibiotics, and he was doing, he was doing fine, his eyes were fine, pressures were fine, but then, towards the end, he, before he was quite the weight that they wanted, he had a hernia around one of his stoma, and the surgeon's like, we need to go put him back together, like, He's been through a lot.
Let's just put him back together. And so we're like, all right, let's do it. Let's put him back together. It's been a wild ride, but let's do it. So they put him back together and then he goes septic. Which is terrifying. Which is, yeah, like I've never seen him that sick. His incision had split open and it was red and inflamed and they were watching the infection and it was, it was pretty, it was, it was really scary.
And during that time, they did a normal routine head ultrasound, and then that's when they found some Abnormalities. At that time, they couldn't really tell us what was going on because it was just a head ultrasound, so like, we need to go take him to do an MRI, but at this point, he had been, like, he, they'd gotten the infection, like, under control, so they went and did an MRI, and they came back, and they said two thirds of his brain had been permanently damaged.
To a point where it, it, if you were to look at the MRI, it was just black. So it was like, the brain had been damaged and then filled with fluid. So it wasn't, they're like, he will not, this is not gonna fix itself. You know, this is, it is damaged and it was all in the back half of his brain, back two thirds of his brain.
And then there were two spots in the front. And so that was a huge. gut punch to say it lightly. Just his brain was fine. That wasn't ever a worry. It was just his intestines that we were worried about. And right at the very, almost in the end is like, Nope, his brain is gone. And with that came the diagnosis.
It's called periventricular leukomalacia. And that's kind of like the, right, say that fast, that's kind of the umbrella. And then within that, he had a cortical vision impairment, meaning the part of his brain that processes what he sees was wiped out. Right. It's like, so his eyes are fine, but he can't really process what he sees and also process really what he hears.
And then he also has severe cerebral palsy. So, originally, the neurologist is like, he is not going to be able to see things other than shadows. He won't be able to really hear. He failed his hearing test in one ear at the hospital. Later, that wasn't quite the case, but like, he won't be able to process what he sees.
It will be unlikely that he will ever developmentally progress past a six month old for his whole life. Like, that was the big thing. He will be stuck as a six month old. Or whatever, however long. And with that, they also said, he, because of all these things, he might lose his ability to, like, suck, swallow.
So he will not be able to feed himself, or communicate, and with the cerebral palsy, like, the list goes on, like, he'll get tight, and his bones can start breaking, like, all these things, you know. So it was just, It was a really heavy diagnosis of potential seizures and you name it. It was kind of like something that we didn't anticipate.
[00:15:08] Morgan Jones Pearson: Right. So let me make sure that I have this straight. So up to that point when they did that MRI, the concern about infections was more so like infections to his intestines.
[00:15:26] Staisha Sheffield: Yes.
[00:15:27] Morgan Jones Pearson: Or to like incisions.
[00:15:29] Staisha Sheffield: Yes, to his incision site. And so we're like, how did this happen? Right? Like, how did this, how did his brain get killed off?
And what it happened was like, because of the infections, it limited his blood supply to his brain and his brain was still growing very quickly. Right. And so, like, cause he was so small, you know, and, That limited the blood to the brain and oxygen and that's what killed it off. So it's like the infections, we thought like, oh, just for the incision site, but it actually turned out to be a lot more as it is impacting his brain development.
[00:16:04] Morgan Jones Pearson: Okay, so my thought as I was, like, trying to process how all of this must have felt for you is that throughout the process, like, you all were fasting, you were praying, your family was fasting and praying, you're doing all the things that you should be doing. And I had the thought, like. I feel like it would be very easy to think we did everything that we were supposed to do and yet he's ended up with these infections that led to circumstances that are like even worse than what we imagined.
So I wondered how were you able to put that into perspective and keep from becoming bitter and what have you learned about prayer and fasting as a result of that?
[00:16:59] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah, it was really hard. You know, I think we, we talk a lot about like, Oh, when you pray, sometimes it doesn't answer the way that you would want.
Right. Like that's, that's a common, we understand that. Like, I know, like, I don't pray and get everything I want and to have, it be such a big thing and like, so out of my control. It was, it was really hard and devastating to me. That didn't work out the way I was hoping. And so in a lot of ways, I just had to redefine what's the miracle here.
Redefine what is it that we saw as a result of like our fasting and prayers. I know our prayers were heard. I know that we were fasting and praying for these things and I know there was power and protection given to McClay at the times that he really needed and also it didn't end up the way that we wanted.
Right. And. That's okay. Like I just had to redefine, like, it's not the miracle that we were hoping for, but it's still a miracle that he's here and he is here to teach me as a mom, as our family, like what we need to learn. And that's. We are becoming who we need to become through clay, even though it's not what we had hoped or prayed for.
I
[00:18:38] Morgan Jones Pearson: think that's so well said. And it reminds me, my father in law was recently talking to us about how we frequently pray with an end in mind, right? Like what we want to happen as a result of our prayers. And he's like, you know, it's so important for us to remember that we don't pray to change the will of God.
And I think that can sometimes be like such a hard thing to, especially like you said, you know, you know that Heavenly Father answers prayers and then when it's this big thing that, you know, you're not asking for a bad thing, you know, yeah. You're asking for, like, the most pure desire and it's not, it's not happening the way that you expected.
Staisha, you, in the hospital, you wrote this. I've been thinking a lot about the power of the very small yet powerful word, and. It's the link that can bring together so much. Feeling overwhelmed and peaceful, hurt and healing, processing and regression, love and pain. I love that. I love the idea that like two things can be true at the same time.
Um, and I wondered as you all have been through this experience that I think is like the ultimate emotional roller coaster. What have you learned about the ability of multiple things being true at the same time?
[00:20:05] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah, I think. It's changing the and, so it changes the but to the and, right? It's like, I think sometimes we'll say, Oh, I'm so happy, but this is happening.
And it's like, the but kind of negates the first emotion, right? But the and can kind of like, Find it together. And I, I really believe it's like there is oppositional things and it's like we have to feel that pain to feel the joy and they, they are together. You know, like through the hospital experience and since we've been out, I have felt the biggest heartbreak and pain and sadness I think I've ever felt in my life.
And I have been filled up with so much joy and happiness and peace. It's like you really do have to be carved out to your bottom of the barrel, like carve me out so I can be filled back up and feel those different emotions. And they are coming all throughout the day, you know, it's like I can feel so much peace and also be scared for the future, you know, and So it's not like a flipping the coin.
It's like the coin is a hole. It's like faith and fear can coexist. Like my fear is gonna almost propel my faith for the future, like and hope. So it's like everything is so combined and it really is kind of a one, even though it does feel so opposite of the spectrum.
[00:21:47] Morgan Jones Pearson: Yeah. I often find myself when we're like praying for somebody that's going through something hard.
Praying for what I think the scriptures call like peace that passeth understanding because it's like it doesn't make sense Like it doesn't make sense that you could feel Those two things at the same time But I think that is to your point at the very beginning of our conversation Like that is why god is so good is because he can do things that feel impossible Staisha, over two months passed before you all were discharged from the hospital.
And I watched the video of you taking Clay home, which I should have been more emotionally prepared for. And it was very clear that that was super emotional for you. Talk to me about the range of emotions that you felt that day and also kind of like what led to that moment of getting to take him home.
Like, I'm sure there were big conversations surrounding that decision.
[00:22:50] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah, well, uh, the NICU, the newborn intensive care unit is a sacred place and it also is a scary place. Yes. Where so much of it is out of your control. And a lot of times it was like, I, why is this happening? You know, like why you kind of like, in a lot of ways, I felt like the hospital was like a safe place.
All right. Like you think, Oh, I'm going to go there and be healed. It'll be good. And. That wasn't our story and and that was okay, but to leave was
it was felt like we in a lot of ways. It was like I wanted our story to be different. I wanted to be leaving and have it be not what it was. I didn't want to have a sick baby. I didn't want to be leaving and have clay's brain be gone. And also, like, I was so grateful for the miracles that we did see there.
I was grateful for the relationships that we had. I was grateful for the doctors and nurses who gave up time with their family to be with mine. And so it was a big win. And also it was the biggest heartache to know that I was taking home a baby that they had told me would not live very long. And that was hard.
Cause I wanted to be taking my baby home to go and be healed and to be fine and to move on from our life, move on with our life rather than be still stuck in this world, like this space of like the unknown of like, what's going to happen. Right.
[00:25:01] Morgan Jones Pearson: Which is like an extremely uncomfortable space for anybody, regardless of circumstance, but especially I'm sure when you're talking about your baby.
The expectation that day was that you would go home. Clay was going to be on hospice and that you likely had three to four months with him at home. He is now nearly two years old. Is he two yet? November. Okay. He'll be too. So talk to me about the joy that Clay has brought into your home and what it's meant to have this time with him, not only for you and Michael, but also for your kids, because I imagine they didn't really Did they get to see him at all in the hospital?
[00:25:46] Staisha Sheffield: No, and that's, that's the other really tricky part about the NICU is like, our family was very split, right? It was like, I, I had this baby in the hospital and then I had my kids at home. So it was constantly the back and the forth. And so leaving the hospital was like, okay, we're back as a whole family.
And with that, it was, it was tricky. He's like, I never thought I would have to tell my four year old about a baby who their, their brother who might not be with us for very long. We had a lot of hard conversations at the beginning, but the joy that was brought is the kids didn't see any of his.
limitations. Like we would say, you know, we don't know how much he can see or how much he can hear and
[00:26:37] Morgan Jones Pearson: it doesn't stop them.
[00:26:40] Staisha Sheffield: She's like, my oldest Lucy, she was four at the time. She would get these soft toys. And come put it by his face. And she's like, look, mom, Clay likes this because it's so soft. Or we'd have to talk about Clay might be in a wheelchair.
And we live out on a ranch and Lucy and the boys love to go on the trailer of the tractor. And Lucy came, she's like, mom, it's okay. Clay's in a wheelchair. We'll just get a ramp that he can go up on the, on the trailer and we'll put these blocks around it so his wheelchair won't fall off, you know, like they are so pure in their hearts and things like that.
It's like, that doesn't matter, mom. He's our brother. And then my kids started praying that Clay wouldn't die. And honestly, I think that's why he's still here that like my little 4 year old and 3 year old would say, dearly father, please. Please, Clay won't die. We love him so much and he, he's brought a peace to our family that's like, we didn't know we needed, where he is just, you look at him, he'll just smile, the kids love to make him laugh and it's like, so he might not ever really say, Lucy, come chase me around the room, but he has a little chair that he sits in and they push him around and they make him feel a part of their Lego building or their pretend play.
Like they want him to be a part and he is, he's such a big part of our family and we've had to talk about like, if Clay goes, it's just our brother in heaven. And he still will love you, and he still will be here, and so the joy of knowing that he's here now, and the joy that he brings us, but also knowing that if he does go, we still will have that brother in heaven, who will be our protecting angel, you know, and So, in a lot of ways, for now and in the future, it's like, Clay's here and he's, he's making it so we, life is bigger than what it is, you know, it's like, it's so much that there's so much more purpose now because of Clay.
[00:29:11] Morgan Jones Pearson: Yeah. Staisha, I wanted to ask you about, you wrote on Instagram that one thing that had been hard was recognizing that it wasn't necessarily like helping anything to continue to think like, oh, live every day like it. It's your last or his last, or I need to like cherish every single moment. And instead that this has taught you to kind of live in the present.
What do you feel like you've learned about that?
[00:29:50] Staisha Sheffield: When we first brought Clay home. The most well intended individuals, like you just have to soak up every moment and I was like, have you tried to live that way? Have you tried to really soak up every moment? It's impossible. And exhausting. It will explode, like you can't do it.
And then it's like you're stressing, you're not soaking it all up. And it's like, no, like we just need to live. And that's kind of what Clay has taught us. Like, I don't know what's going to happen with Clay. We still have a lot of medical professionals saying he's not gonna make it, you know, Mike, but he's choosing to live right now.
And so I'm going to choose to live right now. And we can't focus on too far down the road because. I already know the ending of this story and this story is pretty great. It's like we have made covenants that whatever happens, this story ends up that we're going to be together. And so today we're just going to live because I can't put that much energy into soaking it all up.
We just have to live and be and choose this day. to be okay, you know, and tomorrow might not be and we'll figure that out tomorrow. But like today we're going to choose to live.
[00:31:19] Morgan Jones Pearson: Yeah. I want to touch on something you just said, and I didn't prepare you for this. So hopefully that's okay. But you mentioned covenants and that's something that I've been thinking about a ton lately is just like the power of covenants.
And I feel like watching people. In my life that have gone through like really, really hard things. It seems like that's when you come to appreciate covenants on like a whole new level that you never did before. What, what would you say? Like, how has this experience increased your appreciation for. The ability to make promises with a God that always keeps his promises.
[00:32:07] Staisha Sheffield: I think that goes back to, like, when I've prayed for things and it didn't end up the way that I wanted now. It's like sometimes my mortal brain is just like, why, why is it happening this way? And then I remember it's like, it doesn't really matter right now. Because I've been promised that the eternities are going to work themselves out, that this mortal life is just for me to prepare to meet God, to trust and to make these covenants.
And once again, the end of this, this story, the end of this mortal experience, we know is going to be incredible. If we choose to keep living our covenants and so yeah, that's I think what keeps it in perspective is God will not back out on his promises. He won't and we might have bumps and bruises along the way.
We will. It's not if we will, you know, but the end is going to be okay. It all is going to work out.
[00:33:13] Morgan Jones Pearson: I love that. Okay. You have tried your family has tried to make some very intentional memories together since you brought clay home. You wrote about how you went to Las Vegas and to Disneyland. Tell me about why it's important.
You feel like it's been important to make that effort. I'm sure it's not an easy thing.
[00:33:39] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah. It's like traveling with. four children under the age of four at this time. That's no joke. It is not. It is not like a much of a vacation for me. However, I felt very strongly. It's like my Children, Lucy, Caleb and Wesley.
They didn't know clay. I was like, we would pass the hospital and they couldn't come in with me. And they were just like, that's where clay is, mom. That's where you're going. And they knew I was gone and they, they felt that absence and they were kind of all over the place. And so I'm like, we, now that clay's here, we don't know how long we're going to have him, but we need to create positive memories with him.
Our family of six that aren't in the hospital that aren't on high alert stress all the time of like, are we going to get called in for another surgery? Are we going to have a big setback today? It's like we just needed to create something positive to remember this time together. And so. We try to escape the snow like the year that Clay was born was the worst winter that Utah has seen in a long, long time.
So, and especially where we lived, we still had snow when he came home and many months after. So it's like, let's go somewhere warm and let's just make these, these positive memories that we can remember the good times. But Clay, like us together with Clay and not he was always in the hospital or it was always super stressful.
Let's let's rewrite this story a little bit to make it a little happier.
[00:35:22] Morgan Jones Pearson: Yeah. Well, and I think there's power in that, like taking control of your own narrative a little bit, because I think while Heavenly Father wants us to turn our pencil over to him and let him write our story. He also wants us to be co creators with him.
And so if we're not doing that, that's on us. Another thing that you did, Staisha, that I loved was you said that you felt like you needed to do something together with him that would be memorable and important. And this is the part that makes me emotional. So. You began reading the Book of Mormon out loud to him.
I wondered what did that experience mean to you and what did you learn from him from or about the Book of Mormon from that particular reading of it?
[00:36:13] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah, it was, you know, we don't know everything. That happens in the spirit world, you know, like we don't, I don't know all the details, but I do know that we will have the chance to be missionaries to those who've never heard about the gospel of Jesus Christ.
And so, as I was potentially preparing for the death of my son, I was like. If he's going to go be a missionary, I want him to know from my voice about the Savior. And what better way can we learn about Christ than through reading the Book of Mormon? And so I did. I read it out loud and At the time, once again, we were told that he was deaf in one ear and he wasn't going to process certain things like he couldn't really process or see and so it was kind of like, why would you even read it?
And also he's an infant, you know, he's not going to get anything out of this, but as I read it, my heart was healed and I was reminded. That even though our mortal minds do not understand everything, like we don't understand every scripture or why is this, why are there so many war chapters in the Book of Mormon or things like that, my spirit was fed and I was reminded of the power of Christ, that through Christ, everything is made right and it was very, Powerful experience to have that with Clay as we read it, as I read it to him and just if nothing else, as a mom, you want to prepare your kids for the future as best you can.
And I didn't know what the future for Clay would be, but I wanted him to know. And at least I've heard or have felt the power of the Book of Mormon. That even just opening the book, there is a connection. Your spirit will feel something. Your brain might not understand all the scriptures you read, but opening the Book of Mormon, reading the verses, your spirit feels something.
And I know that he, he did. He felt something. And I, I felt the power once again of the Book of Mormon, the truthfulness of that book. So it was, it was a beautiful experience for sure.
[00:38:54] Morgan Jones Pearson: That's a beautiful testimony. And I appreciate you sharing it as, as you were talking, I was thinking everybody listening that is doing come follow me can relate to the question of why are there so many war chapters?
Because I've been asking the same question lately. Um, but also So like any parent who's tried to read the Book of Mormon with their kids, regardless of any physical limitation, like we try to read a few verses with Emma every night and she tends to like scream through them. I'm like, she's gonna hate the scriptures as a result of our efforts here.
But I do think, like you said, like there is a power in opening the book. And making that effort and the Lord loves effort and I just I love so much that you did that with clay. Okay, so after you had been home for a few months, you wrote 1 day about. Uh, just like an ordinary day, and I loved what you wrote.
You said today was a perfect day, a day when things didn't feel super heavy or hard. The kids still fought and had tears and big emotions. But as I sat at the dinner table, listening to the nonstop chatter of Lucy telling Michael story. and Caleb chipping in when necessary, Wes squealing and squawking as he does, and then seeing Michael hold Clay, who was peaceful and content.
I was just hit with an intense wave of love and gratitude. These are my people, my children, my spouse, my whole world. Then as we went outside and Michael took the kids on the four wheeler to fix the fence by the South Pond, I strapped on clay so I could go prune some trees so they wouldn't smack me in the face when I mow the lawn.
I was overcome again with the gratitude and love I have for my family. Then as I carried clay and walked over to where Michael and the kids were fixing the fence, the air temperature was perfect and spring is here. Everything is coming back to life and turning green. It was magical. Then seeing Michael fix the fence while the kids played and explored, my heart burst.
It felt so right and felt so good. So whole, just a little family of six living on a ranch, living our best lives. Then we came back inside for bath time and stories. We prayed as a family and recited our scripture. Second Nephi 2 25, Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. So much joy.
And then the kids were in bed and the house was quiet. And as I was doing the dishes, my heart started to feel so heavy and sad, thinking of how soon this might be over. How much longer will Clay be with us physically? And I just couldn't stop sobbing. The pain of loss just hurts so bad, but oh, how grateful that I could feel of the love and joy today as well.
Staisha, first of all, you have a gift with words, because I think it's just like so beautiful the way that you describe just that feeling, which is a difficult one to describe. And it goes back to what we talked about before about like both things being able to be true. But I wonder what has this experience taught you about mortality and the purpose of it?
[00:42:00] Staisha Sheffield: Oh, man, Morgan, there have been. So many times I've questioned why, why did this have to happen this way? On my fourth baby, I had an eclampsia seizure, like, that is so unheard of. We go to the hospital and Clay has these surgeries and these infections that lead to a brain, his brain just being killed off, you know, and Like, why is this?
Why is this the way that it happened? And there have been so many or several sweet times where it is. I'm praying, help me, Father, help me feel connected to this baby. Like, I don't remember his birth. I, it's kind of a fog after, you know, like, help me feel the reason why. There have been times when it's like I've just been looking at like Clay and it's like our spirits connect and he's like it's okay mom this needed to happen this way it's no one's fault and I think that's what mortality is is where we have to take a step back and look at the big picture Clay is what he is because that's what he needed to be like it wasn't Once again, this isn't a coincidence.
It's not someone's fault. He knew before he came that this would probably be his story. And that's okay. And I think having that understanding, it's like, this isn't the end. Like, this mortal experience, once again, we're just doing the best we can. But it is through Christ that we are going to be whole.
Like, I've said it again, but like, the end of this story is beautiful. We are all going to be together again, and it's going to be okay. And we have to feel these feelings so that we can really experience the joy and the peace and the saddest sadness and the heartache, like it's all part of it because the end is going to be so great and beautiful.
[00:44:16] Morgan Jones Pearson: I agree completely. And as you're talking, for some reason, I started thinking about Christ and like why Christ came. And I think he came. Because that mortal experience is so worth having and feeling the joy of those relationships and all of that, like, that's something that he wanted as well. Staisha, you mentioned in that, the thing that I just read.
that you were pruning fruit trees. And when I first asked you about whether you'd be willing to do this, um, you told me that you come from a family of generational fruit farmers and that you have often found yourself comparing what you're experiencing with clay to pruning fruit trees. I wondered if you could tell listeners a little bit about that.
[00:45:12] Staisha Sheffield: Yeah. So I grew up in Orem, Utah and my grandparents and great grandparents, they kind of were here and there before Orem was all built out, it was all orchards. And but by the time I came around there, the orchards were slim picking, like there weren't a lot, but we had a little property close to our home with, it was about five acres, all of fruit trees.
And so I, I grew up pruning trees and it was probably my least favorite part of the whole process. Cause you had to go and. It was just a lot. You had to cut all these branches and when you're pruning a tree, you cut off the dead parts first and then any branches that are crossing, so cut off those and then you kind of shape the tree to, to the where you want it to be growing and you would think, Okay.
This pruning is hurting the tree like you're cutting it down basically to a stump almost in a lot of ways. Um, but I always remember my dad saying pruning stimulates growth. And I think that's what Clay's been for me. It's like he, I have been pruned. Down to nothing, basically. And it has been crazy how, how the growth has been stimulated and how I have grown.
And I have tried to become with more empathy and more compassion, more, more hope for the future of like my covenants mean something. And. We're going to be okay, you know, and so the, the pruning has been done and I will be pruned again. It's like, it's not like you're one and done pruning. It's like every spring you got to prune and then you go put all the clippings into the burn pile and you burn those out and then you grow and then you bear fruit and then winter comes and you got to be pruned again.
And so, but that's the, the pruning stimulates the growth. And it's like through the through hard things, everyone has hard things, everyone does. I am, I am not some special case here. I'm nothing. I'm a 35 year old mom of four kids living in the wilderness. Like I am nothing special. But like we all have our hard stuff.
And it is through that process of putting that we can grow and become um, What Heavenly Father, uh, Heavenly Parents need us to be and become.
[00:47:29] Morgan Jones Pearson: I love that so much. It reminds me of the Hugh B. Brown story, the I am the gardener here, I know what I want you to be. Which does, like that, that idea of being pruned feels so counterintuitive.
Like, why do you have to cut me down? But I think that you just described that so beautifully. Staisha, my last question for you is, what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?
[00:47:58] Staisha Sheffield: I've heard you ask this question hundreds of times and I've always thought, what would I say in that situation? And I think it has, my, my answer has changed and evolved a little bit. And I think sometimes when we say all in, it's like, Oh, that means you have to be a hundred percent that you have to know everything and understand everything or accept everything.
And it's like, for me, all it means that I keep showing up that when I'm at 20 percent or 10 percent or 5 percent or whatever it is, I keep showing up because I've made covenants. And I know that it is through Christ. That I can be a hundred percent. That it is through Christ and his mercy and his grace that it's all going to work out.
So just to keep, keep trying and don't give up because life is going to prune you down to a stub and that's okay because you will grow. It will, you will learn. But don't give up on what you know to be true. And it's, there's so many things that can cause doubts and frustration. And that's okay, but keep showing up.
Cause that's what it means for me to be all in. I'm, I'm never a hundred percent, but I can bring my, my little meager offering. And I know that it's through Christ. The offering can be made complete.
[00:49:35] Morgan Jones Pearson: So, so beautiful. Staisha, thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me. You are absolutely incredible.
And I feel like I should tell people like Staisha has, you've always been a light. It's not just in this. circumstance. Like you were like this long before the experience with clay, but I'm sure that it has refined you and made you better and stronger. And that is, that's life. And so thank you for sharing who you are with us.
[00:50:07] Staisha Sheffield: Morgan, it is a privilege and an honor to be here with you. Thank you so much.
[00:50:15] Morgan Jones Pearson: We are so grateful to Staisha Sheffield for joining us on today's episode. We are also grateful as always to Derek Campbell of Mix at 6 Studios for his help with this episode and we are so grateful for the time that you take to spend with us. We will look forward to being with you again next week.