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[00:00:00] Morgan Jones Pearson: In 2010, the church released a video that featured Stephanie Nielson and has been viewed over a million times. In the video, Stephanie, a popular blogger who became a true inspiration following a small plane accident that left 80 percent of her body burned and kept her in a burn unit for the For five months with four small kids at home said, I'm just grateful that I'm here on this earth and I have the opportunity to be a mother and do the things that I love and enjoy.

I view my role now as more divine now, 14 years later, her oldest daughter, Claire, recently completed a role as a burn tech at that very same burn center. Stephanie's example has long inspired me to cherish the opportunity to be a mom if. that opportunity ever presented itself. So on this, my first Mother's Day with a daughter of my own and another on the way, I am grateful to have had the chance to visit with this special mother and daughter.

Stephanie Nielsen is the author of Heaven is Here and the creator of the NieNie Dialogues blog. She and her husband, Christian, are the parents of five children. Claire Nielsen, Stephanie's oldest daughter, served a mission in Brazil and upon returning, worked as a burn tech in the Arizona burn zone. center.

She plans to attend Brigham Young University this fall.

This is All In, an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am so honored to have Stephanie and Claire Nielsen on the line with me today. Stephanie and Claire, welcome.

[00:01:40] Stephanie Nielson: Thank you.

[00:01:42] Morgan Jones Pearson: Well, this is so fun for me. I have had the chance to interview Stephanie a few times now.

And it is always a delight. I am a big fan, both like personally and from a distance. So I just admire this family so much. And I am so excited to have the chance to talk with both Stephanie and Claire. Guys, thank you so much for being willing to do this.

[00:02:09] Claire Nielson: Thanks, Morgan. We love you, too. We're so excited to be here with you.

[00:02:14] Morgan Jones Pearson: Well, this will be this will be a special treat. I think that's my hope for Mother's Day. We've done a few different Mother's Day type episodes on here that people can reference back to. We've done ones about adoption and different kinds of mothers. And I think it's important to acknowledge all of that.

But I Kind of selfishly, I think, as a new mom of a daughter, I thought that it would be sweet to have a mom and a daughter on this year. So, I want to start out with something that you wrote, Stephanie, about your relationship with Claire when she was little. He said every night after she was in bed, I'd reflect on our day together and everything about her left a profound impression on me.

I learned a lot about myself from her, including courage and conviction that I was a good mom and could handle and love more children. After our accident in 2008, Claire, age eight, grew up quickly, maybe too quickly. And she lost some of that passionate curiosity. She had to be the big girl doing and acting like the oldest of three younger, fragile siblings, living in a world where her two parents were physically and emotionally very sick, nothing romantic or happy about that.

When you described. What it was like putting Claire to bed as a little girl It reminded like that is how I feel about my daughter Like I go to bed and I will just lay there and think how lucky I am to have her and everything that she's teaching Me, so I wondered if the two of you could take me back a little bit To the time around your accident stephanie claire.

You were eight years old Which I would imagine is old enough to remember kind of the before and after. What do you remember about that time?

[00:04:02] Claire Nielson: Well, yeah, I remember, I mean, it was a little while ago, but I do remember a lot of things. I remember when the accident happened, we were staying at my grandparent's house and it was me and, and all my siblings.

And after everything had happened, we kind of separated and we were staying with our different aunts and uncles. And I remember just. Yeah, kind of like what my mom had written. I just felt like I had to grow up kind of fast. And I think oldest children, maybe especially oldest daughters kind of feel that way anyway.

We're kind of the second mom. And so I've kind of always had that in me and I felt like I I was just taking care of my siblings and in a different way now and making sure that they were okay and reassuring them that everything was going to be okay. Even if I didn't really know, but I think I think

[00:04:58] Stephanie Nielson: I noticed with each child that I had Claire, just becoming a different child, like, you know, and I had kids pretty quickly and, and pretty quick, pretty they're close together and it just, you know, yeah.

Happened really quick and with each child, I feel like she just kind of got older and just emotionally and in every way. And I felt like when I had her for those, you know, those brief 15 and a half months before we had Jane, you know, she was my best friend. We, we were hanging out together every day, all day long.

We were. You know, and everything we would do is so fun for her. Like we could just sit on the couch and paint her toenails or talk about whatever it was. And that was like the greatest thing that ever happened to her. And she was just a really easy, easy child. But then when, when the kids, you know, started coming after that, I noticed that she just sort of felt like, I don't know if it was just in you that you just had to grow up.

And, and so I think when the accident happened, I, I think she just did that even more. I think it was just all of a sudden, like, Oh, now I'm, now I'm in charge now, instead of, you know, mom's mom's the mom and I'm next it's, I'm, it's me, I'm, I gotta do this. I think

[00:06:25] Morgan Jones Pearson: Like an instinctive. Growing up. Stephanie, you've said that the day that your kids came to see you for the first time in the burn unit was one of the worst days of that entire experience post accident.

Jane came in first to see you and she then went out and told Claire she shouldn't go in. I can't imagine how painful that had to be. But then Claire, I watched an interview as I was prepping and you said that, uh, you lost a tooth and you wanted to show it to your mom. So you were like, I looked straight into her eyes and it's been normal ever since, which I just thought was so precious.

What did the two of you learn about how love can overcome anything from the experience after the accident?

[00:07:16] Stephanie Nielson: I think that story is so special because I think Claire and I are very similar in, in personality. I think that we see people deeply. We, and I think that's why Claire's is going into the medical field because she's, she's really good at seeing people for, for, you know, what they're going through and who they are.

And I think, I think those are the, that moment kind of got you where you are now. It kind of opened the, yeah, you're right, I think. Because I don't know if it was, you know, any of my other children, how, how that would work out. But I think because we're so similar, I think that, I think I could see the fear in her eyes.

I knew she was scared, but she just, she just overcame. And conquered that. And I think it was still really hard. I mean, I think you, you have still,

[00:08:17] Claire Nielson: yeah, we were, we were talking about this today, like that, that day and what it was like, because I, I remember Jane went into the room and then she went right back out, like, One second, she came back out and she was like, don't go in there.

And so we just kind of sat on the ground right outside of her door and colored pictures and it was like a glass wall so you could see us, but we couldn't see her because there was a curtain. And then later I went in and I, Yeah, I remember being kind of shocked and a little bit scared, but I, something that I've learned from my mom throughout my whole life is the importance of inner beauty.

And um, yeah, like what my mom was saying, just seeing people for who they really are. And we're not, we're not, our bodies were. We're our spirits and the good things that we do and, and what we believe in. And so when I went in to see my mom, I saw my mom's eyes, which have not changed and they're beautiful, sparkly green eyes.

And I knew that it was her and I knew that we were going to be okay and get through it. And, and yeah, it took some adjusting to, but after that it was, yeah, I felt like I had just overcome it. I didn't need to be afraid. And I knew that she was still my mom and.

[00:09:40] Stephanie Nielson: And yeah, I think, you know, touching on the eyes, I think.

Eyes talk. I think you can, you can see a lot of people just by looking at their eyes. And, and I think, you know, we've talked about this a lot when she worked at the burn center in Arizona that, you know, lots of the patients she worked with were intubated and they couldn't talk and she could just look at their eyes and you can know, you know, what's going on with them.

And I think the same as with just, you walk down the street and you pass somebody and you look in their eyes and you can say, you can see, I can tell you're hurting or. You know, something's, something's off or whatever it is, I think it's, it's a beautiful blessing that, that God gave us is to be able to, to look at people in their eyes and, and, and, and understand more about who they are and, and what we can offer them.

And I think, I think I wanted my kids to know that. That lesson because it meant so much to me when, when people, you know, especially those, those first years after the accident, when things were really hard for me, when people would look at me, I could see you're really looking at me. You, you really are talking to me.

And then most of in most cases, it was just by the way that they looked at me. In, in my eyes and could see me because I was like, I'm in here. I don't, I don't look like I'm in here, but I'm here. I I'm here. And I, I loved when people would, would look at me. So I'm, I think that that's such a, uh, one of the most beautiful exchanges that Claire and I have had as a mother and daughter.

And I think it's something that will probably carry carry us through, you know, for a long time for forever. And we'll bless others with that. But with that story, I think, yeah,

[00:11:36] Morgan Jones Pearson: Stephanie, I wanted to ask you, uh, Looking back on that time, cause it's, it's been a while now. Um, and so you have years, years built up.

Um, you've talked a lot about how your motivation was your kids that when you came to from the accident, the first thing that you remember is like seeing your children in your mind and you obviously had to kind of choose to stay here and to fight for your life. Your book was titled heaven is here. One of my favorite books, um, how have you found even more over the years that that's true that heaven is here?

And why are you glad that you chose to stay? I guess this side of heaven.

[00:12:20] Stephanie Nielson: Well, I, I mean, I, I, from an early age, you know, motherhood was, was the, the, the job, the profession that I, I wanted to. To do, to be, and so I took it seriously at a really, really young age and, and I, I felt like, you know, before the accident, I was really good at being a mom.

I, I, I had young kids and so I, lots of things were in my control. It's different now. I, I've older kids now and they, they can choose things that they want to choose and whether I like it or not, they do it. But I felt like I, I, I ultimately. I was their mom. They were, um, they came to me and I'm, I'm the best person to be their mom.

And so I felt like I, I wanted to finish that job. I wanted to, you know, I wanted to, to raise them. Cause I'm the best person that can do it. There are lots of people, you know, we were prepared to have family take over if they needed to, and they would have done a fantastic job and or Christian got remarried or whatever it was that she would have done a marvelous job.

But the fact is, is that they are my children. They were given to me and I wanted to. To raise them. And, and so they were my motivation to get, to get better. It was, you know, I've said this before, but it was, you know, the first in the hospital, my physical therapists, they would say, you know, let's work, work, work stretching so that you can get better.

Let's get the, you know, I would have to like separate like, like silly, like preschool things, but like separate the, these blocks and put them in. Colors so like the reds would go here and the blues would go here and I would have to separate them all and all these things were just really hard for me for my fingers and my hands.

And and I, like, that just didn't really speak to me. I wasn't motivated. I, it wasn't until the nurses would say. You know, let's, let's pretend you're playing with your children or let's, let's say you're vacuuming or you need to reach for the, you know, the spaghetti sauce in the cupboard. And, and it wasn't until I got those prompts that I was like, yeah, cause that's what I'm working for.

I got to get back to my kids and, and, and then, then it just changed like overnight. And I think they knew what my motivation was and they kept me going. I saved my life. I would think about them. I wanted to get back to them. I wanted to get back to, you know, putting them down for naps and reading stories to them and writing bites together and playing around.

And so I think that's kind of was my motivation to, to get back with, with my kids.

[00:15:10] Morgan Jones Pearson: I think that it's cool to see now, like you two got on this call and said, you just finished exercising. Like you made it to the, to what was the goal? Yeah. Um. Claire, how, how would you say that that period of time, because your mom was in the burn unit for months, Stephanie, how long were you in there five and a half months?

Okay. So how, how would you say that that period of time changed you? Um, we talked about you kind of growing up fast. But now that you, especially having recently worked in the burn unit and kind of reflecting on that time, how would you say that it changed you and how did all of this impact your relationship and your love for your mom?

[00:15:55] Claire Nielson: Yeah. Yeah. I think when, when my mom was, when my parents were in the hospital. I, yeah, I kind of grew up really quickly and became, I mean, we had, yeah, we had lots of family that was taking care of us, but in a way I became a caretaker for my, for my siblings. And, and I feel like to an extent, even on an emotional, in an emotional way, my parents and making sure that we're okay and, and I'm not scared.

And, So that kind of just became a big part of me. And then when I got older, we, we all just kind of keeled together as a family and we were all fine. And I decided to go back to the burn center and work again. And it kind of opened everything back up for me that I had just kind of neatly packed away in a little box and left in the back of my mind.

And when I went back to the burn center, I saw everything in a new perspective in a new way from the medical point of view. And I saw how hard it was. Must have been for my parents from their side in a physical and emotional way and how challenging it must have been. And it, it was, I worked there for almost a year and it was the most amazing time of my life.

I loved it. And because I, I grew so much and I, I got to connect with the patients and their families in a special way that, that not very many people can. And I'm really lucky to have been able to do that. And. Yeah, it's just, it's all been, I think I say this, um, to my family sometimes. I think Bern has always meant to be a part of my life and, and, you know, it has been since I was a little girl and now working there again.

It's just, it's a part of who I am and it's made me who I am for the better. I think it's, it's taught me empathy and courage and, um, love seeing people for who they really are. And I'm, it was really hard, but I'm really grateful for, for it. Cause I don't know who I would be without everything that we've been through.

[00:18:08] Stephanie Nielson: And I think it's been really hard for you to have to face that because I think we, in our family, we talk about this thing called the box and we all have boxes and we put things inside the box, hard things, things that we don't really want to talk about, stuff that we're, we're mad about, whatever it is, it goes in a box and you can put the box wherever you want.

But we always talk about, you know, pulling the box out and Heavenly Father gave us, gave us this box that, you know, that we can use to pull out, like, like we had to dig in the box to, to come onto this podcast with you, we had to, to bring up, talk about things that maybe Claire doesn't really want to talk about or whatever it is, because, but I feel like, And my father gave us these things so that we could share them with other people.

Cause what good is it if it sits in the box? I, you know, some things need to stay in the box and they can come out when they're ready, but you know, we wanted to open the box so we can share, you know, what we've discovered or experienced. And so Claire had to pull out her box. Yeah, for the first time in years and years and years and years and lots of things started coming out of the box and some things you put back in, but most of it is out.

[00:19:30] Claire Nielson: Yeah. And for the better, I think. Yeah, definitely. And yeah, it's helped me see. What I want to do and I want to go into the medical field and in burn and I want to help more people because that what I've been through and I can share the things that are in my box with other people and hopefully help them sort out their own, their own boxes and their own.

[00:19:55] Morgan Jones Pearson: I think part of life is like knowing when to pull the stuff out of your box. You know, like when you're ready, when it should be shared, when it shouldn't. And I appreciate both of you being willing to, to open the box a little bit today. Stephanie, you wrote this about Claire's experience working in the burn center.

You said it was so therapeutic and healing working at the Arizona burn center helped her discover emotions that inspired her to grow and do hard things. She experienced feelings. She didn't even know she was harboring specifically about the accident and the aftermath that, uh, of that abrupt change. I wondered Claire looking back now, having had that experience for almost a How do you feel like you did find healing through that and, and how do you feel like helping others that were going through that same experience helped you to be able to kind of reach into that box and then, and then move forward?

[00:20:56] Claire Nielson: Yeah, I am. Yeah, I'm really passionate about this. I so I've kind of always been drawn towards medical stuff since I was little, and I actually didn't want anything to do with burns before I started my job. I. I just had had enough of burns for a lifetime. I didn't need anything else. But a job opened up and I decided to just go for it.

And I still remember my first shift. My responsibility was I was called a burn tech. So I was, I was in charge of The dressing changes for all the patients that we had in our ICU and my first dressing change, we went into this room. She was a younger girl and it was really overwhelming for me. It was kind of scary and just a lot of memories that I didn't want to remember came back and and smells and sounds and this just this poor girl.

And I was kind of shocked and it took me a minute to get my bearings, I guess. And then I just realized I'm here to help. I'm here to work and I'm just gonna do it. It was kind of like a moment of when I, when I looked into my mom's eyes for the first time, I just kind of overcame it and got to work and helped this girl.

And then we did like six more dressing changes that day. And, and after that, I just kind of kept pushing forward and, and, you know, I would see things were really sad. Burns are sad. And, you know, families and, and a lot of really sad things, but I was able to get through it because I, I knew that I could.

And I think working at the burn center gave me a lot of confidence and courage that I didn't, you know, I didn't have. I didn't know that I needed more of that, but I, I did. And it, and it helped me so, so much. And

[00:22:58] Stephanie Nielson: I think, I think you had a lot of people helping you too. I mean, the staff at the burn, at the burn center, they were, you know, very cautious and a lot of the nurses and doctors were the same people and they would come up to her and say, you're doing okay.

Is this okay? It's how you, you know. And I, and the same for when you came and saw me the first time, I mean, my sisters were there and they were there with open arms to take you in and, and help you get through this. So, we're definitely, you know, doing it with people. There's people that are that are along the way that have helped us get here.

We, we. Certainly can't do it on our own. And I think the Lord sends us people along the way to help us get through these terrible, horrible, challenging, crappy situations. And we do, we do it. We, we can get through it.

[00:23:50] Morgan Jones Pearson: Well, it's funny because before Claire, before you ever said like, it was like. When I went and saw my mom and looked in her eyes, I could almost picture like the little girl like mustering the courage, you know, and then like the same thing happening again, which is so cool to think about the way that the Lord prepares us for different moments in our lives and, and how those things years later can prepare us for other moments.

I wondered, Stephanie, you wrote. And this was, this is back years ago, you said that you felt like you didn't let for a period of time in that burn unit. You weren't letting the process heal you. And then you said, I think we have to let the process heal us. I imagine that process is like very much ongoing.

And so what does letting the process heal us look like to you now?

[00:24:49] Stephanie Nielson: I think, I think when I think about. Everyone wants a quick, quick change. Everyone wants, you know, to be healed fast, to fix quick fix. And, and it just, uh, rarely does that ever happen. It, it, it's climbing that mountain. It's, it's, it's going through, And into some very uncomfortable things, but if you don't go there and you will never feel that true feeling of success and, and courage to, to, to come, to come through on the other side of it.

And, and I felt, you know, like, so many times when I was sitting in my hospital bed, I would be like, I just, just want this to be done. Just, I can't believe this is, I can't believe this happened to me. And I just want it to be over. Or I just want to die. I, you know, I, I, what I don't want to do is wake up again tomorrow and do all of this again.

I just, I don't know how, how much longer I can do this. Crazy is that every day it got better. I mean, maybe not a lot better, but you know, something. Got better, or I was like, I'm, I'm stronger than I think I am, or, or I can see an end today or an end in sight today or whatever, whatever it is. And and then so that by the time I got to a huge milestone, I could look back and think, I made it that process got me here.

I wouldn't be proud of myself had I not gone through that huge process and all of those ups and downs and. You know, I'm stronger for, for doing that. We talk about that a lot in the world. You know, we're always saying, you know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And, and that's true. Like that, that's absolutely true.

And so there is no quick fix and that's the healing. That's the process that I'm saying, the healing process. We, we have to go through that. We have to, it's, it's sometimes the worst and. But along the way, you know, it's trusting the Lord and, and relying completely on him and sometimes all, you know, he's the only one that's, that's there, he was the only one there at the middle of the night when I'd wake up and be just anxious and concerned and worried.

And, and he was the one that was calming me down and. And so I, you know, that's the process to me is the healing process is you have to just go through it. There's just really no way around it and there's people who can love you. People who can help you. The Lord is always there. He never, ever leaves you, but it's just buckling up and hanging in there.

And I know that's hanging in there is kind of. I hate when someone says, just

hang in there, but

[00:27:51] Morgan Jones Pearson: when you said, uh, when you said you just have to go through it, I was just reading to Emma this morning, the book, we're going on a bear hunt where it talks about like, you can't go over, it can't go under it.

You gotta go through it, which A lot of times is a lot worse than mud and the stuff they go through on their bear hunt, but I wanted to ask you to the, you both have shared a lot about healing, um, and about Christ and you just talked about the savior being the thing that helped you. get through this.

Claire, your mom shared something on her blog about how you spoke, uh, not all that long ago about the story of Christ in the Book of Mormon and how he invited the Nephites to come to him and be healed. And you said this, Jesus heals broken hearts, broken families, broken bodies. There is no wound. Beyond the healing power of Jesus Christ, there is no person beyond the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

And then Stephanie of Healing and Scars, you wrote this, these scars help me connect with others and with the Savior who has the power to restore broken things and heal wounded hearts and take the scars and turn them into beauty. Stephanie, that's something that you have talked a lot about in the past is that idea of beauty for ashes.

And I think we all have scars. Some are seen and some are unseen the two of you, I think, and, and this is one of the reasons that I wanted to do this interview with this specific idea in mind was because I was thinking about Claire, you going and working at the burn center. And I was like, In a way like that was taking your scars and making beauty for ashes.

Um, and I think we all have to do that in some way. So I wondered if the two of you and Stephanie, you kind of already alluded to this. I don't know if there's anything else you would add, but how you have found healing in Jesus Christ and his ability to heal us from our scars.

[00:29:49] Stephanie Nielson: I think he's. And another thing to add to that is that he's done that through other people.

I think he's, I see healing because I. And minister to people in ways that I never, ever thought I could. And I think he's, he's, I see it through, through other people. I see it through serving and ministering to, to people who maybe are, like you said, it's, it, scars are inside and outside you, some scars we don't see.

And some we do, but I. in a roundabout sort of way. I'm so grateful that I carry them on the outside because I feel like I can approach anyone and say, I know what it feels like to have a bad day, bad time. And I just, I'm so grateful. I'm grateful for that. Did you want to add to that? No,

[00:30:43] Claire Nielson: that's exactly what I was going to say, actually, is just serving other people and ministering to other people.

is one of the best ways for me to feel better to heal. And I felt that way at the burn center, being able to help people in that unique way. And just since then, and even before that, I remember years ago, I think I was a freshman in high school. My mom taught me something. She, she gave me this cute little mirror to just kind of keep in my backpack and a talk.

And I don't remember who the, who gave the talk, but. It was about how when we're feeling down or bad about ourselves, we need to look away from the mirror and out the window and see who we can help who needs something. And that has stuck with me all throughout high school, during my mission, and since, and I, Think about that probably every day, how I can look away from the mirror and look out the window and see what, what needs are there, what, what can I do for somebody else?

And that is the greatest way for me to, to heal because when we're acting as Jesus Christ would, when we're doing what he would do for other people. He, he helps us as we, as we serve him. And I think it was Sister Tana. Sister Tana.

[00:32:07] Stephanie Nielson: Can't remember that.

[00:32:09] Morgan Jones Pearson: That reminds me of, there was an old talk where Sister Hinkley, I believe it was one of her daughters, I think, gave the talk and said that their mom used to tell them, like, you can look at yourself and in the mirror before you leave for the day and make sure you look the way you wanna look.

But as soon as you like, leave the house. That's it. You think about other people. And yeah, it's just like so good. You know, it is. It's so true. And it makes a huge difference. I think happiness is found in not thinking so much about ourselves. But I love Claire that you brought up your mom, giving you that mirror and putting it in your backpack because Stephanie, I've always been so inspired even before becoming a mom, but even more so now as a new mom, by your love for being a mom and your desire to be a good mom and also your intentionality as a mother and.

I just got set apart for a calling on Sunday and in the blessing it talked about, like, being intentional as a parent. So it's something that's been on my mind a lot. And so, like, for example, you put the, the backpack and, and, and gave that to Claire, the, the mirror and the backpack, but you also have done Countless other things with your family.

And I don't think I don't think it has to be done in the exact same way. But the idea is being intentional. So for like, you have a theme for your family each year. Why would you say that being intentional as a mom is so important? And then I'd love to hear Claire, what it has meant to you that your mom has been intentional as a mom.

Like, how has that impacted you?

[00:33:50] Stephanie Nielson: I think I feel like I, I just want my kids to feel loved. I feel, I want them, I mean, this, I know that this is my job, you know, to be a mom and be the very best I can and, and, you know, I'm going to be a mom and I'm going to, I'm going to put all my effort and energy into that.

The other thing too is that I, I used to think, you know, we have a theme and every year we, you know, memorize it and it could be a scripture, it could, it could be just a quote from a prophet or church leader. A hymn one year we did a hymn and family proclamation. I mean, it's all over the board and we encourage them to memorize it.

So the point was, is that they could always bring that to their recollection whenever they needed to, but particularly on their missions. So, when they were teaching people on their missions, or they meet new friends or whatever. So they could, they could remember, you know, the 15 plus themes that our family had discussed that could possibly fit with whatever they were talking to this friend about, which, and I've probably

[00:34:55] Claire Nielson: used every single theme at least once.

So glad. Yeah. That was cool. And I think for me, it's, it's been meaningful because yeah, my mom has created a home that is happy and safe and somewhere we want to come home to. It makes me sad when moms say, I'm just a mom because it's not, you're not just a mom. Your moms are everything and they're, they're homemakers.

And in a world where we just, we live in a scary world. We need good homes where. Kids can grow up safe and that they can grow their relationship with Heavenly Father and, and learn about Jesus Christ. So that when we go out on our own and we go out into the world that we have those essential things, a strong testimony and.

And, um, having had learned important lessons so that we can be good moms and dads and, and missionaries and help other people. And, and yeah, I, I, I mean, I'm a homebody because I, I just love, I love being at home.

[00:36:06] Stephanie Nielson: Most of our kids are homebodies. We do have a couple that are not, and we're like, what's wrong with you?

Why do you want to be home on Friday night? Why do you want to go out? Why? What's out there?

[00:36:18] Morgan Jones Pearson: I want to because Stephanie you have such a gift with words, and I love your writing so much but there was something that you shared not too long ago on your blog, and I just want to read this and ask one more question before we get to our all in question.

You shared a picture on your blog that was taken the day before Clare started kindergarten. And you said, I remember feeling so mature having a child start school. Now I've had three children graduate high school, Clare's in college, and I have two missionaries out, and I'm preparing to send off gigs for his last two years in high school.

And Lottie will enter middle school. What I wouldn't give to go back to August 13th, 2007, just for a few minutes. Even I'd walk around the house, look in every room, check my mail. I thought I was stressed. Then peek in my closet and look at the toothbrushes in the kids bathroom. I checked to see what clothes were in the dryer waiting to be folded and put away.

And I'd look at the menu I had planned for the week on the calendar by the refrigerator. But the best part would be seeing the knees, hugging them. Talking to them and touching their little cheeks and hands take me back I feel like the accident took a huge chunk out of my life and those quiet innocent days I'm just not quite the same and I love this for multiple reasons one I think it's like a really cool update on your life.

Like how much your life has changed, but I also love You have this gift for making the ordinary feel magical in your writing, and I think that's why people have been drawn to you for so many years, because all of us know those things that you describe, and they don't seem magical a lot of the time, but you make them seem that way.

And finally, I love the way you said, I'm just not quite the same. So I wondered in, kind of in conclusion, before we get to that last question, how are you different for better or worse? And how did your accident change you as a mom?

[00:38:23] Stephanie Nielson: I think a huge chunk of me was taken. You know, on, on August 16th, 2008, I mean, I was 27 years old.

That's like a best time of life. I felt good. You know, and then, and then, and then I came back completely different person. I didn't have the energy. My body was different and I hurt a lot. And, and, and I just, you know, I felt like. I died and, and now I'm looking in on this life that is being kind of, I don't know.

I just felt like I looked, I look, I look back a lot and, and think, you know, where, where did that go? Where did that girl go? Did she die? I had to mourn me. I mourned me for a long time. I was like, she died and I miss her and, and, and still sometimes I get those feelings. But, and this is another thing that Claire and I are very similar about is, is the word bittersweet.

We, we, we study that a lot. We, you know, it's, it's being happy and sad at the same time and it's being okay with being happy and sad at the same time. You can do that. You don't have to only be happy and only have to be sad. You can have that bittersweet feelings of, of being happy and sad and being okay and being present.

In being happy and sad, and I think I feel that a lot. I think the accident has made me feel bittersweet a lot. I feel sad that I didn't get to see some things or get to live the best years of my life. Healthy and beautiful and lovely and all of those things. But I'm also happy that I'm alive and I get to live these things.

You know, it's like, it's just that, that bittersweet. That we're, you know, trying to balance and, but I, I feel like I'm better for it, for it having been able to navigate the loving and losing. And it's, it's, again, it's that happy and sad and it's all, you know, rolled up in, into this bittersweet life that I live.

And I do look back often and, and I look back, you know, five years ago and think I just live that way. I think, you know, I go up to my boys rooms and look at how different it is. Now I've got the sun on a mission and the room's different. It's not two beds anymore. It's one bed. That makes me feel bittersweet, you know, and then I, I, you know, go downstairs and, and, you know, see some of the things that I, you know, shoes where there used to be shoes there.

And it's just, it's just living bittersweet and it's, it's life. And, um, some days though, it really overwhelms me and it, and it takes over and I can let it. If I, if I let it, it can really bring me down because I feel, I feel so I mourn that loss so much so deeply, but I'm also so grateful that I'm where I'm at.

So I just, I don't know if we could ever just be in one place. I think we're always progressing and can always look back, but we always got to turn back and. And keep walking forward, you know, I just, I just don't forget things and I hope that I'm learning things. I hope that I don't forget so much that I, that I don't remember how hard things were or, or how difficult things were, because I think that's shaping me into being who I am.

So it's, again, it's the bittersweet, it's being happy and sad and being comfortable with both and feeling both and, and moving on.

[00:42:09] Morgan Jones Pearson: I think that idea of bittersweet is something everybody can relate to, you know, and everybody is mourning something. I can think of the thing that I'm mourning, you know, and it is bittersweet.

So I think that that idea is very relatable. Claire, do you have any thoughts on that?

[00:42:29] Claire Nielson: I liked what you said about bittersweet. I think that's, that's very real. I feel that too. I think a lot of people do. And And I, I think that's, that's how we learn and grow. And it's the bitter and the sweet and the happy and the sad and the helping and the healing.

And we do both at the same time and we become more because of it. And the accident and everything that's happened since has been hard. But has helped us to grow and become more and, and we can accept the hard for what it is, but also be grateful for all the good that's come from it.

[00:43:08] Stephanie Nielson: Yeah. And I also just one last thing on that.

I think just to, to, for everybody, no matter what stage of life you're at, just, just enjoy it and stop and look around and, and smell and just live. I just, I love to take pictures of, um, my, my kids rooms. And just like what, what their dressers look like and how they put their shoes and, you know, just silly things like that because I love to go back and, and see, you know, that's what her dresser looked like when she was 10 years old and those are the things she loved.

For some reason, that brings me so much joy because I miss it, but I'm also so, so grateful that I remembered those things because it brings so much emotions and, and for me, feeling emotional and crying, it makes me, it heals me. It's really good for me. And I think Claire's very similar to me. I don't cry very much.

Claire doesn't cry, but we both feel deeply. And so, yeah. Just Morgan to you, just love you having your, your two little girls and where they're at. And I know it's moving fast. It feels like, you know, you're having, you just had a baby now, you're gonna have another one, but just, just remember everything.

Just remember what they smelled like in there, what their clothes look like and, and how you folded things. And you know what I mean? Like I would even take pictures of my Refrigerator, like the food in my refrigerator, just so I could remember, like, oh, I remember, you know, buying and making, preparing food with that.

It's just, I don't know what, I think I'm weird, but. I think I also, it's, it's helped me heal.

[00:44:56] Morgan Jones Pearson: Well, I think it also is just like living life and gratitude. I think if you don't stop and look around and appreciate what you have in the moment, then it's never appreciated, you know, and, um, there is, there is a magic in the everyday.

Um, that when it's gone, you do miss it. My mom always says when my niece was a baby and she would come to my parent's house and then she'd go home, my mom would be like, I will find one of Brighton's socks and I just start tearing up because she's not here. And, and I think that's, you know, that's what happens when your kids all grow up.

And lucky for us,

[00:45:37] Stephanie Nielson: we, I, I get to have, we get to have grandbabies and we get to like do it again. It's better this time, they go home and they get to, no, I'll take your kid anytime.

[00:45:54] Morgan Jones Pearson: Well this has been so fun. Thank you both so much. My last question for you is what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?

[00:46:03] Stephanie Nielson: I think what it means to be all in is being deliberate. In your choices in following the savior, I think Every day we make choices and if we're deliberate in making those choices that would point to the savior That keeps us all in that keeps us safe and protected and so i'm I would just I feel like being deliberate and everything in life is how i've stayed all in

[00:46:35] Morgan Jones Pearson: thank you claire

[00:46:37] Claire Nielson: I think I liked what my mom said.

And also I think just yeah, being all in giving everything that you have. To Jesus Christ and my parents are wonderful examples of that. And I also, I learned that on my mission too, that you're the happiest missionary when you are just giving everything you have and doing your best and working your hardest.

And that was when I was most tired, but that was when I was most happy and most fulfilled. And I feel that way now. I've been home for a little while now and just giving what you have and, and doing your best and doing it out of love for the Lord. I think that's what it means to be all in because the end of the day, it's about your relationship with him, how well you know him and how much you can become like him.

And when we give everything we have to him. He makes us so much more and helps us to be able to do so much more.

[00:47:45] Morgan Jones Pearson: So well said, I think that coming back to the idea of motherhood, that the way that you just described it, Claire reminds me of like the feeling when I first had Emma, like the idea of getting up in the middle of the night over and over and over again, I was just like, I don't know that I can do this, you know, and then somehow you.

You give more and more and more and I like genuinely when I hear her start to cry in her crib, I get excited, which is like so weird, so much I hear you, but I think that that is what happens when we give everything that we have to the Lord. We want to give more. Um, and that is what all in is all about to thank you both so much.

You are both a delight and Stephanie contrary to what you said earlier, you are beautiful and lovely and all the things. So thank you. Thank you both so much. Thanks, Morgan. Thank you. I am so grateful to Stephanie. Stephanie and Claire Nielsen for joining me on this week's episode. I want to personally wish a happy Mother's Day to my mom, whose example has influenced pretty much any good thing I have in me.

And also a happy Mother's Day to my mother in law who raised the best man I know. Finally, a happy Mother's Day to all the women who have mothered me throughout the years, many of whom do not have children of their own, but whose nurturing of me has changed my life. And to you. To anyone who has ever taken on that role of nurturing another, Happy Mother's Day.