As a young single adult, I can speak to the complex nature of the modern-day dating scene and all the difficult and exciting emotions it gives rise to.
And I also know that dating would be a whole lot harder if I didn't have my parents’ support.
I’m so grateful for the love and respect they show me as I go through the many phases of dating, including boredom, heartbreak, and enthusiasm. While there is much they can’t do, their support makes a big difference as I continue on my dating journey. I talked to some of my single and newly married friends and discovered five things we all agree are helpful for parents to keep in mind while their young adults are dating.
1. Focus on Encouragement
Maybe your young adult isn’t dating, or at least not dating as often or as enthusiastically as you think they should be. If you feel they need encouragement, be mindful that it doesn’t turn into nagging, pestering, or catastrophizing. There’s a good chance they already feel pressure about getting married and achieving other adult milestones, even if they don’t show it.
Instead of using phrases like, “You’re running out of time” or “All the good ones will be taken soon” try drawing attention to their strengths and special gifts. Even phrases like, “I love spending time with you” or “I’m proud of you” can boost their confidence and help them feel optimistic about the future.
Instilling confidence in your young adult may not only help them start or continue to date, but it will also help them push through challenges and accomplish goals in other parts of their life.
2. Remember That Their Path Is Unique
If your young adult feels stress about their relationship status or dating life, reassure them that there are many good and possible life paths and that everyone’s experiences are unique. Elder Gregorio E. Casillas advised:
“We should avoid comparing ourselves to one another. Your spiritual abilities are unique, personal, and innate, and your Heavenly Father wants to help you develop them. There will always be someone you can help feel the love of your Heavenly Father. Your potential is divine.”
Likewise, if you feel concern for your young adult’s dating journey, keep in mind that no two people are the same. Your child’s personality and experiences will most likely be different from yours, even in small ways. What worked for you in dating may not work for them, especially given how much dating culture has changed over the last decade (i.e., dating apps).
Your young adult may date people you wouldn’t have chosen. They may break up with people you especially like. Their relationships may move more slowly or quickly than you’d prefer. And that can be hard! But honoring their agency and letting them make their own decisions is something Heavenly Father does with us every day—He lets us “act for ourselves and not be acted upon” (see 2 Nephi 2:26).
Your young adult will deeply appreciate the trust you put in them, and supporting their unique journey will draw them closer to you.
3. Listen
Over the years, I’ve accumulated dating advice from relatives, friends, devotionals, podcasts, therapists, Church leaders, firesides, and social media influencers, and I’ve learned one thing: there is no one-size-fits-all wisdom or theory for dating. Even well-meaning suggestions can sometimes feel unhelpful in certain contexts.
The next time you’re talking to your young adult about dating, try avoiding any cliche phrases (such as “put yourself out there more” or “be less picky”). Instead, prioritize listening to them and understanding what they are feeling. Making yourself a safe space will be a special comfort for them as they navigate the dating world.
It’s a good idea to speak up if you’re worried for their safety or see serious red flags in someone they’re dating; otherwise, if you have an insight or advice to offer, it may be best to first ask if they’d like to hear it.
4. Show Interest in Other Parts of Their Life
One tricky part about being single is sometimes feeling that your friends and family only care about your relationship status. Dating doesn’t have to be a topic that’s forever off limits, but I especially appreciate when people show interest in other aspects of my life, like my hobbies, job, friends, or the last great book I read.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong provided fantastic counsel on this:
“During this life, we sometimes wait upon the Lord. We may not yet be where we hope and wish to be in the future. A devout sister says, ‘Waiting faithfully upon the Lord for His blessings is a holy position. It must not be met with pity, patronizing, or judgment but instead with sacred honor.’ In the meantime, we live now, not waiting for life to begin.”
By supporting and showing interest in what your young adult does outside of dating, you’ll show them that life doesn’t begin just when they get married. It may be helpful to gently steer extended family members in this direction as well, encouraging them to learn what other things are happening in your child’s life.
5. Point Them Toward Jesus Christ
As a single member of the Church, it can be easy to become fixated on marriage as our ultimate goal. However, in his final general conference talk, President M. Russell Ballard reminded us why we’re really here:
“We’re in the process of trying to prepare ourselves, a day at a time, to be a little better, be a little kinder, be a little more prepared for that day, which will surely come, when we shall pass back into the presence of our Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Help your young adult remember that, though marriage is a wonderful thing to work toward, the main purpose of our time on earth is to become like Jesus Christ. Encourage them to learn about His life and to study His teachings. As President Russell M. Nelson taught:
“When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation . . . and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives.”
Take Comfort
If you’re feeling stressed about your young adult’s dating journey, take comfort that God will magnify your efforts to support them.
While Joseph Smith was imprisoned in Liberty Jail, he wrote a letter of encouragement to the Saints, saying:
“Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.”
Trust that Heavenly Father will guide your young adult in all aspects of their life. As you love them and support them on their unique path, you can feel stillness and assurance, even amidst the uncertainty.
For more inspiration on parenting, check out these articles:
▶ The power of the 8-second hug + other easy ways to intentionally connect with your kids
▶ 3 things good listeners always do
▶ Find hope—not unreachable mom standards—in the mothers of the stripling soldiers
▶ 3 things parents can do to help kids grow up excited about marriage