5 ways to have natural gospel conversations with teens

Here are my five principles for having natural and normal gospel conversations.

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Editor’s note: This article first appeared in the January/February issue of LDS Living magazine. The theme for the issue was teaching and learning the gospel, especially in the home.

As a parent and former seminary teacher, I recognize that talking with children and teens about the gospel can be tricky. Each kid has a different personality and distinct interests, schedules, and experiences, all of which affect how their testimony will grow.

Here are five guiding principles to help you as you strive to have natural and normal gospel conversations with the youth in your life and, ultimately, help grow their faith in Jesus Christ.

1. Remember the Goal

We should have two main goals in mind when talking to our kids about the gospel:

Build the basis of their faith with gospel knowledge
Increase their understanding to the point where they can act upon that knowledge

As they act upon what they’re learning, they might experience increased understanding, miracles, guidance, and peace. Elder David A. Bednar refers to these things as evidence.¹

And if our children’s lives are full of evidence, it will be much harder for their faith to be shaken.

It’s also important to remember that a natural and normal gospel discussion is one that the child or teen is willing to have. If they’re not willing to have it, then it’s not going to feel right.

The Spirit can direct you. You might receive a prompting that says, “Don’t go here right now. They might not be prepared for this.”

Don’t force it. Be calm, watch, and be ready to respond when the moment is right.

2. Put Your Own Gospel Study First

We might feel intimidated imagining a situation where our teens come to us with a big question or problem. But I think about Doctrine and Covenants 11:21 when the Lord tells Hyrum Smith, “Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed.”

I see much of my own scripture study as preparation for future conversations with my kids. As we study the scriptures, the Spirit can naturally prepare us because the Spirit knows what’s coming. He can help prepare us for those unexpected moments when your teen comes home after a night out with friends and needs to talk or has a question.

We need to be prayerful that we pick up on the Spirit telling us which moments to respond to.

3. Be a Nurturer

If you put a seed in frozen ground, it won’t sprout. But if that soil is warmed by the sun and if you nurture it with water and nutrients, the seed will begin to grow.

In the same way, we can warm the hearts of our children to the gospel and create an environment that invites normal and natural gospel conversations.

Some ways to nurture your children include:

studying the scriptures consistently as a family
sharing a video from the Church’s website
sharing an uplifting gospel quote
asking a gospel question and checking in for your child’s thoughts later in the day
pointing your children to Christ when something scary happens in your family, neighborhood, or the world at large
visiting a Church history site in person or virtually
putting the same care into creating gospel experiences for your kids that you would for a Young Men or Young Women class

Think of ways to create experiences that allow your kids to drink deeply from the gospel and experience the richness of it. What can you do to make them want to learn more instead of just quickly writing it off? How can you give their seed some sunshine? How can you add nutrients to the soil?

There are so many ways to warm hearts. But if we go in cold, hoping to have a meaningful conversation, we shouldn’t be surprised if our kids aren’t interested.

4. Let Grandparents Add Exclamation Points

Grandparents have a unique role in that they’re not necessarily changing diapers, helping with homework, or running kids around. Because of this, they can be a calm strength and add exclamation points behind the good things parents are consistently trying to do.

I would invite grandparents to think about texting a grandchild a scripture they read during the week or a principle they’d like their grandchild’s thoughts on. They can write letters or leave notes. The Spirit can direct grandparents on how to communicate with each grandchild. Grandparents have a unique toolkit that parents don’t necessarily have, and teens may respond to them differently.

Parents can also curate special family events with grandparents like many of the prophets did in the scriptures, where they gather their posterity to testify to them and share their spiritual experiences.²

Grandparents can also record these stories on FamilySearch, in a voice memo, or in a family history book to preserve for later generations.

5. Don’t Give Up

It’s easy to assume the worst if a teen is being resistant to talking about the gospel—we think they’re saying, “I don’t want this.” But I think most of the time it’s “I don’t want this right now.” Maybe something happened at school, or they got a bad grade on a test.

It’s up to us as parents to be patient and aware. As you’re able to respond to their needs from moment to moment, they will begin to trust you and be more receptive to having gospel conversations.

Also, keep in mind that the scriptures are full of resistant children. Alma the Elder rejoiced when Alma the Younger was struck down by the angel because he knew that his son was now really being taught. He was a wise parent watching, learning, being patient, and allowing the Spirit to work on his son.

So many parents I talk to feel like they’re failing, and they think they’re the only ones. It’s completely normal to feel discouraged, intimidated, or unqualified. Even the best teachers sometimes feel that way.

Satan will amplify those feelings so that we’ll want to give up or slow down. But keep going. Remember that your children will likely someday have these same obstacles with their own children. Show them how to overcome setbacks, to keep inviting the resistant child, to pray for inspiration, and to be nurturing in the home. Model now what you hope they do then.