In 2015, my New Year’s resolution took an unexpected spiritual turn. For once in my life, I wanted to make a resolution that counted—one that I wouldn’t forget in two months and that could impact me for eternity. I decided to prepare to enter the temple.
That was the best resolution I have ever made—but I had to fight for it. Every moment of that year I battled to stay focused. I questioned “Am I ready? Is this right?” and I worried over all the warnings I received about the temple being strange, confusing, or overwhelming. I learned quickly that, for those who are preparing to received their endowment, “all the elements [will] combine to hedge up [your] way” and “the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee” to keep you from entering the temple and making those soul-shaping covenants that bring eternal life and joy (D&C 122:7). But I also learned to trust the Spirit and not let anything stop me from coming closer to God, even my own self-doubt.
A few days before Christmas 2015, I received my endowment. Despite all the books I had read, prayers I had offered, and advice I received, that moment was unlike anything I had anticipated. Nothing could prepare me for the enveloping love and grace I experienced.
For all those who are preparing to enter the temple, here are a few ways I found that the house of the Lord was unlike anything I expected. I hope they will help you as you prepare for this life-changing experience:
1. The temple is not confusing or strange.
Before I received my endowment, I studied Church pamphlets, listened to talks, attended classes, gathered advice, and read several books about the temple. (I highly recommend The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer and House of Glory: Finding Personal Meaning in the Temple by S. Michael Wilcox.) You might have guessed I am a chronic over-preparer, but in all this study and reflection, much of what I read or heard prepared me for a rather lackluster experience. While many family and friends told me about their love of the temple, their words were overshadowed by the many others who gave vague warnings about how strange, confusing, bizarre, or overwhelming the experience might be. On top of that, the words of Church leaders outlined again and again how I would not understand the full impact of the temple after one visit. I misinterpreted their words to mean that first visit might be . . . disappointing.
That’s simply not true. Yes, the temple does instruct in ways we may be unfamiliar with, and yes, you will be able to learn from the temple for the rest of your life, gaining new insights with each new stage and as you mature spiritually. But let me assure you, the temple is soul-stretching, uplifting, and inspiring, even from your first visit. Go into the temple with an open mind, willing to learn, and with a desire to feel God’s love, and you will not be disappointed. Focus on listening to what God wants you to know more than worrying about the physical aspects of the ordinances. There will be people to prompt you, help you, and guide you at every step, so surrender yourself to the Spirit.
When receiving my endowment, it was not the new symbols, clothing, or instruction that I found overwhelming. Instead, it was realizing the magnitude of the life-changing covenants I was making. Now I realize those promises are not overwhelming but inspiring. They focus our minds and hearts on who we can become with Christ’s help, not where we need to be now. The temple is not a place for the perfect. It is where we strive to be perfected.
2. I can ask questions and talk about my temple experience more than I first realized.
There are three types of questions we can ask when it comes to our faith: 1) fleeting questions of curiosity, 2) questions that throw our faith into question, and 3) questions that lead to action and spiritual transformation. The Church, temple, and endowment were all revealed and established because faithful Church members had the courage to ask questions. Sheri Dew teaches, “If we want to grow spiritually, the Lord expects us to ask questions and seek answers over time. It takes a wrestle.”
To learn in the temple, we must throw out ingrained cultural myths that might make us think we need to figure out this new experience on our own and that questions signify a lack of faith. We must throw out preconceived notions about how learning happens in the Church. Be willing to stretch your mind to begin seeing, learning, understanding, and asking questions in a new way that integrates symbols, action, scripture, and prayer.
This experience is new for all of us, and because of that, it takes time, effort, and willingness on our part to embrace this new, celestial way of learning. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to speak of your experiences and ask others for their insights, advice, and help. Friends, family, and our fellow brother and sister in the Church are eager to help you. They have uplifting insights to share.
While these relationships can provide added depth to our temple visits, it is our relationship with the Spirit that determines whether we will be able to receive the blessings and truths God extends to us through the endowment and others.
As President Russell M. Nelson shares:
“The privilege of receiving revelation is one of the greatest gifts of God to His children. . . . I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, for the Lord has promised that ‘if thou shalt [seek], thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.’”
This relationship with the Spirit will help us know what, when, and where to share our temple experiences and insights with others.
As S. Michael Wilcox teaches:
“The Lord is willing to teach if we will ask. We must allow Him, however, to use His own wisdom about when and how to reveal a certain truth. Sometimes He will speak directly to our minds. Sometimes the answer will come in the scriptures. Insight might be presented to us by a spouse, a mother, or a father during a quiet conversation in the celestial room.
“These conversations are completely appropriate and may be the means by which the Lord will answer our prayers for understanding. Occasionally we wonder what we can or cannot say about the ordinances of the temple.
“Outside the temple, we must use extreme care, speaking only of those things that are in the scriptures or in the official publications of the Church. Even then, we must let this counsel be our guide: ‘Remember that that which cometh from above is sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit; and in this there is no condemnation’ (D&C 63:64).
“Inside the temple, among those who are worthy of the ordinances, we may, again with the constraint of the Spirit, teach one another, particularly those in our own families.”
3. I can embrace and learn from my discomfort.
While the temple is beautiful, unexpected, and ennobling, it has challenged and changed me in the most poignant, personal ways. As Anthony Sweat explains:
“Though your feelings in the temple will hopefully be primarily positive, you also need to pay attention to what makes you feel confused, challenged, or perhaps even unsettled. These feelings can be equally important and instructive. Some people have introduced the idea in Mormonism that anything that causes discomfort is inherently incorrect or not from God. That simply cannot always be true. If it were, the pioneers wouldn’t have trekked to Utah, Abraham wouldn’t have offered Isaac, young men and women wouldn’t venture out to uncertain mission fields, and Jesus wouldn’t have atoned for us. An old saying is that the gospel is here to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable, and the temple is no exception. In the endowment, there are pointed lines of instruction, warnings for the unfaithful, dialogue to discern, difficult concepts to grasp, and unfamiliar symbols and gestures.
“There may even be aspects of the temple that contradict your own cultural or doctrinal viewpoints, causing mental discomfort as you try to reconcile why your thinking may not be aligned with what is presented in the temple. . . .
“It’s possible that as you participate in this ancient order you may feel a little uncertain at times, but remember that many people feel uncertain when experiencing something unfamiliar, even when it’s right and good. Rest assured, ‘All that occurs within the walls of the temple is uplifting and ennobling,’ but don’t confuse being uplifted with being fully comfortable and familiar. To uplift means to edify, to grow, or to bring nearer to God (see D&C 50:20–22). God desires our growth and development, but that growth usually requires some discomfort to move us off of spiritual beaches where we have been resting too long. Don’t flee from this discomfort or think it erroneous. Like Jacob, wrestle with what God and His angels place in front of you (see Genesis 32:24–30). This wrestle will enable God to bless you to see Him more clearly.”
As I began attending the temple regularly, I was caught off guard by the days I would return home feeling unsettled, my mind racing. I grappled with guilt, wondering if I had done something wrong, questioning why I didn’t feel the peaceful calm I usually experienced in the temple.
But as I have begun to pay attention to and wrestle with those feelings and questions instead of burying them, I’ve received surprising revelation and eventually discovered a peace that lasts longer than a two-hour temple visit.
4. My temple garments are infinitely more significant than I anticipated.
When I prepared to receive my garments for the first time, I was more worried about the practicality of wearing garments with my wardrobe than understanding what they signified. With time and a little gentle chastisement from loving Heavenly Parents, my view of garments has drastically changed since that first temple visit.
Garments are not a nuisance or a hindrance to fashion. Garments are sacred. They are a protection. They provide power. They demonstrate our commitment to the Savior. They “are a piece of the temple we can always carry with us,” as my good friend Katie Lambert says. Take care of how you speak of and treat this remarkable gift from our loving Heavenly Parents.
As Elder Asay says, speaking of the power garments provide:
"The heavy armor worn by soldiers of a former day, including helmets, shields, and breastplates, determined the outcome of some battles. However, the real battles of life in our modern day will be won by those who are clad in a spiritual armor—an armor consisting of faith in God, faith in self, faith in one’s cause, and faith in one’s leaders. The piece of armor called the temple garment not only provides the comfort and warmth of a cloth covering, it also strengthens the wearer to resist temptation, fend off evil influences, and stand firmly for the right."
Remember every day how lucky you are to be worthy of and wear temple garments and I promise you will begin to see the ways they can transform your life for the better.
5. The temple ordinances are more familiar than any of us can imagine.
My first time in the temple, I wondered why there weren’t more physical depictions of the Savior or His Atonement. Wasn’t that the focal point of our religion? But as I listened to a recent presentation by Brad Wilcox at the FairMormon Conference, he taught that the Savior is in every symbol and action in the temple. In fact, the endowment is not a reenactment of Christ’s Atonement but a reenactment of how the Savior and His Atonement work in our lives. It is personal. It is familiar. It is eternal. In the temple, we find echoes of all that we once knew and now know.
I know it sounds oxymoronic to say the temple can be uncomfortable and unexpected at times but always familiar, but I promise you this is true. The temple is not a completely new experience—it reflects our celestial origins, our ancestral roots, and our future heavenly home. In the temple, angels surround you at every step—the angels of loved ones who are never distant from you, the angels of ancestors who you can serve, and the angels of spirits you knew and will know in eternity.
The entire purpose of the temple is to restore relationships. In the temple, we heal familial relationships through the spirit of Elijah. We create new eternal relationships and expand God’s family. And we reestablish our loving, unceasing, and incorruptible relationship with our Heavenly Parents and our Savior.
It is these relationships that teach us that celestial means family—that exaltation does not come alone. It is only through Christ, through the divine, and through each other that we obtain eternal life.