“Are you guys going to get married?” one coworker asked the other. They’d been chatting about her boyfriend.
“Yikes, no!” she retorted, “We don’t want to be tied down. It’s just a piece of paper anyway.”
I sat at my cash register a few paces away, hearing bits of their conversation. What a bleak perspective, I thought. The world I grew up in was so different. I was excited to be married someday! I realize now how much of that excitement grew from observing a happy marriage in action.
If you’re married and worried about children or grandchildren who seem disinterested in marriage, stay actively engaged with and excited about your marriage. Your example as a couple says more to your posterity about the value of marriage than anything else ever could.
There’s no shortage of professional advice and prophetic counsel on healthy marriages. I am by no means an expert in such a varied, nuanced field. But I do know what made me excited to get married—these three simple things I watched my parents do.
They Were Excited to See Each Other
When I was growing up, my mom took a break from being a nurse to stay at home with us five kids while my dad worked at the office. I remember that in the evenings when she heard the garage door, my mom would gasp, “Dad’s home!” She’d excitedly rush over to greet him as his car pulled into the garage, always genuinely eager to see her best friend.
My dad did the same thing, in his own way. He was known for peeking through the window of the Relief Society door at church to get a glimpse of my mom while she taught classes. The older women in the ward laughed about how “high school” my parents were for each other.
Their love for each other kindled within me the exciting notion that to have a spouse is to live with your favorite person in the world. You choose them. You want to be with them. You simply “feel better when [they] are near [you].” (President Howard W. Hunter)
They Made Physical Contact a Normal, Wonderful Thing
One Sunday, my dad was welcoming a new family to our congregation by showing them around the church building. He passed my mom in the hallway as she was leading several little children toward the nursery. Without saying a word, they exchanged a quick kiss and a smile, then continued walking in opposite directions.
Noticing the bewilderment of the family he’d been guiding, my dad deadpanned, “It’s a really friendly ward. You’re gonna like it here.”
(After a beat, the new family caught on and laughed.)
My parents always made physical contact a normal, wonderful thing. They held hands when we went for walks. They cuddled during movies. They scratched each other’s backs. They kissed and hugged often.
In simple ways, they proved that, while physical chemistry often comes naturally, it’s as much a science as it is an art: It demands practice and attention. “[S]uccessful couples love each other with complete devotion.” (Elder L. Whitney Clayton) Physical affection is a fearless, honest expression of devotion.
They Enjoyed Making Plans Together
From the time I was in kindergarten, I remember watching my parents draw blueprints, jot down notes, and make to-do lists. Whether it was a new way to design the basement, organize the garage, or landscape the yard, they absolutely relished all aspects of building a life together.
Watching them talk excitedly at the kitchen table, heads bent together over their next great pen-and-paper scheme, I began to believe that creating a home of my own would be a pure adventure. One day, my husband and I would be able to fill our world with whatever we could imagine together.
It wasn’t just about hammering nails into book nooks and playhouses; it was about laying the foundation of a future without endings. My parents loved making plans together because there’s no limit to what two devoted companions can create on an eternal timetable.
Marriage Is a Gift—From and To God
“The noblest yearning of the human heart is for a marriage that can endure beyond death.” (President Russell M. Nelson) Neither of them was going anywhere. Not in the long run. The joy of making plans sprouted from the reality that forever really meant forever.
For my parents, marriage wasn’t a piece of paper, a political arrangement, a business partnership, or even a perpetually swoon-worthy fairytale. It was simply life with your favorite person.
They disagree. They are different people. But friction only propels them forward because that was what they decided it would do.
I grew up knowing that marriage would not be without conflict—but I also knew that it could be the safest place to disagree with someone, learn you were wrong, and change for the better.
President Russell M. Nelson has said, “Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential. They let their romance become rusty, take each other for granted, and allow other interests or clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what their marriage really could be. Marriages would be happier if nurtured more carefully.”
Now that I am married, I can gleefully affirm that yes, it is every bit as exciting and fantastic as I dreamed. The best moments we share involve intentional, sincere excitement, for and about each other.
“Marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him.” (Elder L. Whitney Clayton)
If you want to see your children and grandchildren happy with the one they love, joyfully show them in your own ways that marriage is a gift.
Find more articles on marriage in the links below:
▶ Our favorite wedding gifts for Latter-day Saints (that you won’t find on the couple’s registry)
▶ Love is meant to change: 4 questions to help you find (or save) your happily ever after
▶ The only marriage advice I really needed (that might help you too)
▶ The simple tradition that strengthened Ardeth Kapp’s marriage (that feels straight out of a storybook)
