Close X

Living with Same-sex Attraction: Our Story

Ty and Danielle Mansfield - May 22, 2012

« Previous 1 3 4
Ty and Danielle Mansfield on their wedding day in 2010.

In 2003, Ty Mansfield wrote an essay for a class at BYU about how he—a member of the LDS Church who has experienced same-sex attraction—had found peace through the gospel of Jesus Christ. That essay resulted in a book, In Quiet Desperation, that made Ty's private struggle public. In 2011 he published an anthology on the same topic, Voices of Hope: Latter-day Saint Perspectives on Same-Gender Attraction.

Editor's note: 
 
Same-sex attraction is a sensitive and complex issue. We feel it is important to try to understand how we can better meet the needs of friends, family, and Church members who experience SSA. Ty and Danielle graciously shared the following story as a first step in creating a more open dialogue about same-gender attraction in the LDS community. We are in no way suggesting marriage is a catch-all solution; we recognize everyone’s experience is different. This is simply one man’s story of finding fulfillment and happiness while living in harmony with the gospel.


I hadn’t originally intended to be so open about my feelings of same-sex attraction. When I was first approached about the possibility of including some thoughts in In Quiet Desperation, I was hesitant. Although I had worked through a crisis of faith around the issue and felt a lot of peace, I was quite  private about whom I opened up to. I still felt some shame given the cultural taboo around it and I was concerned about how people would respond.

However, I also knew that through my experience I had gained some spiritual insights I hoped could be of help to others. I agreed to tell my story with the assumption that, if it were published, I would use a pseudonym. I felt trust in the love the Lord had for me and in the path I was on, but I didn’t have the same trust in people, given the climate of cultural attitudes around this issue. The thought of blowing the doors off my privacy felt so overwhelmingly vulnerable that I just didn’t feel I could go there.

As the book was going through the editing process, the theme of being a witness started to show up more frequently in my personal scripture study. I kept thinking of Alma’s declaration that covenant disciples are to “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that [they] may be in” (Mosiah 18:9). The Spirit impressed upon me that the power of my witness would be diminished if I used anything other than my real name. I felt there was only one right choice for me in that particular situation. 

On Marriage
I had pretty much concluded that I probably wouldn’t marry in this life, and I had come to a place where I was okay with that. I had let go of any personal or cultural pressure to marry and was content to stay single. Then I had an experience in which I felt prompted to continue to prepare myself spiritually and emotionally for the blessing of marriage and leave the rest to the Lord. As much as I felt I wouldn’t marry, I tried to leave it an open question and to trust in God. I felt good about that spiritually, but I continued to experience some emotional ups and downs.

Some time after that, I was earnestly seeking additional divine guidance. I was feeling frustration around some deep emotional connections I had developed with another guy, and it hurt that I couldn’t have what a part of me really wanted. I needed some spiritual reassurance. It was general conference time, so I wrote down some of my most heartfelt questions and went into the Saturday morning session fasting.

As soon as the opening prayer was given, I was completely enveloped by this spiritual feeling. I hardly remember anything that was said during the session, but the feeling was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. For nearly two hours, all the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the frustration were completely gone. In their place was this feeling of divine love I had also never experienced. As a part of that, there was a feeling of what I perceived as pure celestial love and desire to be with a daughter of God in the most holy, connected, and uniting of ways. The world’s portrayal of love and romance seemed so shallow and “false” in comparison. With the feeling came the words: “Just stay with me. If you do, this is the feeling you will someday feel—and it will be a permanent part of your being.” And then suddenly, as the end of the session approached, the feeling left. I didn’t know how I would eventually grow into that feeling as an integral part of my being, but I trusted that God would lead me there.

I experienced some gradual change over time as I continued to try to stay close to and be led by the Spirit and as I sought other various means of personal growth. As I did so, I went from believing I probably wouldn’t marry in this life, to believing I probably would marry but later rather than sooner, to then believing it would be sooner rather than later, until I finally met Danielle and had a strong impression that she was the woman I would marry.

In this area and so much of my life, I feel I’ve had to live the principle President Boyd K. Packer taught of going to “the edge of the light and [stepping] into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead for just a footstep or two” (That All May Be Edified (1982), 340). We have to put Him first today, taking the necessary steps of faith today, and simply trust Him to take care of tomorrow. It’s only been through my learning and living that principle that the Lord has slowly been revealing to me His plan for my life.

« Previous 1 3 4
© LDS Living, May/June 2012.
Comments 78 comments

hannykins said...

04:18 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

As someone who was raised in the church and married a closeted gay man I find this story hard to digest. Once he said he was bi but we kept the marriage going I sought solace in church readings which I have learnt since starting the straight spouse network in Australia that these marriages are unfulfilling for both the gay and straight partner. These marriages can last with much compromise and eventually whether it's 1 year or 30 years later eventually things go no a tail spin and the devastation to the straight spouse is immense. Not to mention the trauma of the gay spouse. This article has made me angry. I am a lapsed member and until such stories as this are no longer promoted it will remain that way

hannykins said...

04:21 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I will see this as a successful marriage when I find out they have gone through the ups and downs of marriage long term and they are both having a sexually and emotionally fulfilling relationship. And I mean for real not because it sounds good.

ferrell337 said...

06:41 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

Hannykins - I hear everything that you are saying. You say that you are a lapsed member and plan to remain that way until things change. The gospel of Jesus Christ is still true no matter what anybody else does or says. That simple fact will NEVER change. You cannot allow being offended by others to keep you from the Lord. Nor should your personal trials keep you from him either. If anything trials an struggles should push you closer to your Father in Heaven. Your anger will get you nowhere and I would suspect that your dealing with some major faith issues as well. I may not know you personally but EVERYBODY has issues and problems. But oddly enough the solutions are almost always the same. Prayer, scripture study, church and temple attendance. If you'll do these things faithfully, your heart will be healed. I'm sure someone is going to tell me how wrong I am but I have been dealing with members and their problems for years. No matter how big or how small the answers have always been the same.

keljob said...

07:34 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

Thanks so much for this article. This is an issue that I'm always wanting to understand better. I have relatives and friends who are gay and I don't want to react to them in a bad way. I want to be understanding to them. I don't like how some of my LDS friends react to the same-sex attraction issue. We are all children of God and all have to seek for His guidance in our lives and this story is a great example of this. Thanks!

chez-moi said...

08:30 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

This article speaks volumes on faith, hope and charity which is the pure love of Christ. I commend you for your courage to stand as a witness "of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in," God loves all of his children and understands our hearts better than anyone. What a blessing that you have found the pure love of Christ in your marriage.

sweetcarol126 said...

08:35 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

This is a very difficult issue. We really don't know why some are gay. I don't think the feelings are a choice, although not being chaste is a choice. I really hope that they can find happiness long term, but I feel a bit like some of the others in thinking that he may cross that line. Or like David when he was tempted, follow the temptation instead of turning away from it. Both could be hurt, but especially the wife. However, we do need to pray and read the scriptures for strength and we need to love what some would term the sinner even if we hate the sin. I know a lovely couple who left the church because their son was gay and they love him and they have come to love his partner as well. I don't know if they feel they won't be accepted or why they stay away. Their son's choice is not something they had control over, and in some ways, we don't know how much control he had in those feelings. Yet we expect someone who can't find a mate to remain celebate. It is vry similar. Many women and some men find themselves in this situation. It has to be a difficult one. We should pray for them and befriend them as they are very nice people most of the time. But they have made a choice that is against God's teachings. It is a tremendous burden to be born with gay feelings. Sometimes that may be from abuse but not all the time. There should be no bullying or gay bashing. I am appalled that Gov. Romney and a bunch of boys would hold down a boy and cut his hair short because they thought he was gay. This can't be permitted. Intolerance and bullying does not help the situation. We have had some gays killed in Florida and some homeless as well by kids whose parents may have expressed very negative views toward gays and the homeless. We need to open our hearts to love our neighbors. Their choices, for which there are some things they can't control, may still be wrong choices but that is for God to handle or punish, not us. How do we treat unmarried couples who come to church and go home to live in the same home or who have kids? We teach them the gospel and pray for them. We don't follow their example and who would want to do that. We don't have sex with everyone we are attracted to. It isn't right. We have to control that urge. We have no idea why certain people have those feelings. It may be something we want to know when we cross over but there must be some great reward for those who can live without giving in to those feelings.

oldcan said...

08:46 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

This is a topic I have strong feelings about. I worry about how harshly we tend to treat those men who suffer from same-sex attraction instead of giving them the support they need to live the way the Lord wants them to. This is a real struggle for these men this is not a "choice" that they made to feel this way. I work with two such men and have seen first hand how hard it is for them to fight this struggle - but they do it because they belive they do have a choice with how they act and know what the Lord expects but that does not make it easy. Both these men teach me all the time about Faith, Love for the Lord, and doing what is right. I respect them so much. Men with same-sex attration are our brothers and it is important that we show them the love and support that they need and deserve and leave the judging to lord.

brent said...

09:29 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

Thank you Ty for your courage in forging out your own path and in sharing your story. Openness like yours is just what is needed to move this issue away from hateful politics and backbiting and into compassion for individuals.

mroesberry said...

10:32 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

What impresses about this story is the faith that is exemplified in both Ty and Danielle. Faith in a covenant, faith in the hope Christ gives, faith in a divine plan, faith in the Atonement of Christ-to assist with personal struggles. I do beleive that as we live our lives, so that the Lords Spirit is our companion, our mindset changes, our hearts change and our desires change. Thank-you for sharing your story-very inspiring-left me pondering how I may increase my faith with my challenges.

jew said...

10:32 AM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I am surprised at the anger and the use of this issue to be inactive in the church. I am not gay. I am most likely a person who realy dislikes gays. I have this issue in my married family. I feel that a person who is gay has made a choice to be gay. It is not a I was born this way issue. However that being said I find a real true deep feeling here for this couple. I feel they have learned much like we have not the pure love of Christ. Let them live their life and do not use them or the story or any other excuse to be inactive in the church. You are only hurting yourself and you are not be true and real with yourself. Remember the Lord is there to bless us all in many ways if we are worthy to reveive these blessings. This couple have prepared themselves to receive his blessing by living the gospel and living according to his ways. Having in them and showing the pur love of Christ. Instead of anger, being inactive in the church, finding fault with them or anyone else, allowing ouorselves to be offeneded and the list goes on why do we not just live our life according to the Gospel and show the Pur Love of Christ in all we say and do. Let us be worthy to receive his blessings he has for us in oour lives and not block out the Spirit with all of the excuses. Lets live and be as Christ and not as a judge for we are not the judges as we all well know. I hope the very best for this couple and for his blessings to be upon them always. I hope and pray they have a long a loving life together now and through out all eturnity.

ada123 said...

12:12 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I am very grateful for Ty and Danielle and for their willingness to talk about their story knowing that it might face opposite reviews. Above all I am deeply moved by Ty's desire to stay true to the gospel. This is even more meaningful when it comes with a price. It has helped me to understand better situations like his and to strengthen my faith-based belief that there is nothing that we cannot achieve when we believe and that the gospel of Jesus Christ helps people, not the opposite. Thank you.

redhen said...

12:43 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I commend Ty and Danielle for the courage to be real with each other and the world. I have been married for 32 years to my husband who lived a gay life for 14 years before finding the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is why he knew he must give up the gay lifestyle for good. He had made the decision to not act on his feelings several times before because of the unhappiness and turmoil it had caused but finding the Gospel was the catalyst that made it work. He has written a book about getting out of that life and joining the church and how it all happened. "Why Me A Gay man's struggle for love and family" by William Seger. View at whyme-whystruggle.com

grannyshrink said...

12:55 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I think the key to understanding this whole article lies in the fact that Ty Mansfield was blessed to have the experience of feeling the pure love of Christ for himself. Speaking as a person in my 60's who has had a very happy and completely fulfilling marriage for many years, what really keeps a marriage together through all kinds of problems and challenges is being able to feel this Christ-like love for your companion. When physical closeness is an expression of this kind of love, it far surpasses the hormonal rush of feelings experienced by young lovers - whether same or opposite attracted. A good adjustment in marriage is more about loving the soul of your companion and committing to each others' eternal progression. I greatly respect what Ty and Danielle feel for each other. That's what keeps love alive forever.

sun said...

12:59 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

To Jew: Your comments are really confusing. You say you are a person "who really dislikes gays". You then go on to say "Let's live and be as Christ and not as a judge". So you really dislike gays but think we should be as Christ and not judge. Hopefully, you will get over your dislike of any of God's children and stop judging. I for one know too many who are "born this way".

ldsrevelations said...

01:25 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I hope Ty and Danielle a successful marriage and a happy life. I would say though that from my observation this type of a relationship often ends in disappointment. My worry is that this article over simplifies the real issues/struggles involved in a SSA/hetero marriage— and that it will make such a marriage seem like the solution. The issues with sexual desire and intimacy sometimes prove too big to overcome. Not so long back in the Church 's history leaders encouraged gay men to marry women as a way to cure or end their SSA and this advice has ended in sadness and divorce for many. At least in this case Danielle is aware of the issues before the marriage. In the past the young men were encouraged to not tell their prospective spouses about their SSA. I wish Ty and Danielle the best. That said I think the chances of success and fulfillment are slim. The odds are not in their favor.

ldsgirl923 said...

01:46 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I am so glad that you addressed this and that Ty and Danielle are so willing to discuss it. I think many members want to pretend "it doesn't happen to us", but the fact is it does and it is refreshing to see it brought to light. There are no answers, I realize, but I believe it is better to have an open dialogue. We as Latter-day Saints put so much pressure on ourselves to be some perfect thing and none of us are. The fact that we have the highest rate of dependency on anti-depressants, one of the highest on dependency to pain meds, the highest in the nation of youth who contemplate suicide and we are the 4th highest in the nation for young adults to actually commit suicide speaks volumes!! It is a sad commentary and we need to stop hiding from it.

mosop said...

01:49 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I express my deepest respect and gratitude to the Mansfields for choosing to share their very personal and sacred story with the world. I am inspired by their courage to stand under the scrutiny of the unkind public eye, and I admire their gracefulness. Everyone has their own story to tell and their own unique experiences in this life. We're all on our own levels and paths of learning and progression. What has worked for the Mansfield's may or may not happen for someone else. Their story stands entirely on its own. I rejoice for them. Ty’s story certainly is not meant to set some sort of requirement for everyone struggling with SSA. I think this story is simply to illustrate how amazing miracles happen when people choose to keep their covenants and embrace the gospel "come what may". Ty and Danielle each developed a deep personal relationship with their Savior Jesus Christ long before they ever developed a relationship with each other. That is the key to happiness in life, and the core of every successful eternal marriage. It is obvious Jesus brought the two of them together, and it is Jesus who can keep the two of them together forever, as long as they keep their covenants and commitments to God and to each other. It’s that simple. Mortal life is a long and bumpy road. If we can learn to live faithful and grateful, no matter what happens to us, we get this incredible peace inside that “passes all understanding”. May God bless each of us to be as faithful, loving, and courageous as these two beautiful young people.

grannyshrink said...

02:22 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

With all due respect to ldsgirl23, You are not interpreting and quoting the research correctly. I am a PhD level researcher and am familiar with most of this research. Living in Utah is not the same as being LDS. These rumors get started by people who have not read, analyzed and correctly interpreted the research. There is NO STUDY that shows LDS people use more anti-depressants, the high rate of suicide reflects the whole intermountain area and mainly occurs in rural areas with few mental health resources. The high rate of suicide in young men in Utah is primarily non-LDS men. It is important that people look at the original research from a perspective of research design, measures that are used, statistical procedures and who is the sample. Too many people just hear rumors but have no accurate understanding of the research. There are several well done, published studies that show LDS women are not more depressed and that the more they have personally internalized LDS values they are actually less depressed. No offense intended, I just wanted to set the record straight according to science.

rivqah21 said...

02:51 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. It has helped answer a lot of questions I have had. Thank you for being willing to be in the limelight and to share intensely personal things. You are a blessing to many.

cheltz said...

03:54 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I wasn't going to leave a comment, but after reading the negative and/or qualifying comments, I'd like to say: Thank you, Ty and Danielle! You are an inspiration, and you will be blessed for the sacrifice of your privacy as you stand as witnesses.

ldsmomofthree said...

04:31 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

Thank you so much for sharing this story. What a beautiful story of hope. I agree that Ty and Danielle's story stands alone from any statistic. We write the story of our own lives independent of what anyone else might say or do. As one who overcame her own obstacles in live--years of anorexia and bulimia--I too refused to be a statistic and believe that total recovery and life free from an eating disorder was impossible and I am a living testimony that it is possible through our Savior Jesus Christ--just as you are a living testimony to the possibility for happiness and marital fulfillment in the face of SSA. Thank you, thank you for having the courage to share your story.

bskia said...

06:05 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

I think the most amazing thing I read in this article was the thought Danielle was given, "You can trust Ty. He is who he says he is." I wish everyone could be given that thought about each other. Wouldn't that be a wonderful world to live in? I've had a lot of gay friends. A LOT! Although it's such a foreign matter to me, I can't help but feel they have a lot of sensitivities we could all learn from. However, they all need what Ty received. A way to channel their sensitivities in the right direction. And, the only way that can be done is through The Atonement. Of all my gay friends, only one of them has made the choice Ty made. Strange how I had no idea he was waging that battle when we shared the rent before I got married. What a peculiar problem to be saddled with. I'll take my problems over theirs, any day. Danielle, you're a wonderful girl for the depth of your understanding and support. hannykins, I'm sure sorry to hear about your situation. I think if more "Ty and Danielle" stories were available, maybe you wouldn't have had such a difficult outcome. Nonetheless, if you apply the same effort to your salvation as it appears Ty and Danielle have to theirs, things may still turn out well for you. At least that's what I'll pray for. I don't know you from a bail of rhubarb, but I love you. Things will fine. Just do your best and things will be fine. I hope you'll find some solace in that. http://www.atonementofchrist.com

johnrpack said...

08:10 PM
on May 22, 2012

Report Abuse

There's no question that this addresses a topic where there are a lot of entrenched opinions and intense emotions. Unfortunately, Hollywood has defined sexual gratification as the purpose of life. As all of us are exposed constantly to Hollywood, Madison Avenue, and our own hormones, we all buy into this myth to some extent. But it's still false no matter the marketing expertise used to sell. Every single one of us is commanded to keep our passions in the bounds the Lord has set. It doesn't matter who you're attracted to or what sexual impulse you think isn't being sufficiently gratified in your life. Back in high school, I was attracted to my male buddies. Shockingly, they had more in common with me than the girls. Their skin was very appealing. Thankfully, I didn't grow up in today's high schools where I'd have been labeled a homosexual and forced to commit to an orientation that I supposedly had from birth. I didn't date until the second semester of college -- and only then because I was supposed to (and because of the entertainment value of the activities). It wasn't until age 22-23 that my orientation matched the social life I'd chosen. I think it's a tragedy that youth today are forced to declare themselves at all -- much less before they've fully developed, emotionally, physically, and socially. I strongly believe our choices have a significant impact on that development. And, ultimately, since our purpose in the life is to choose to become as close to our Heavenly Parents as possible, any choice that takes us further away from them is a tragedy. Choose not to buy into Hollywood and Madison Avenue -- even if it means avoiding their products. Choose family (both here and eternally) instead -- in every choice at every time and in every place.

jan63 said...

07:21 AM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

When are people going to accept that people are born Gay this rubbish that it is a choice and that god wouldn't do that to someone well how about all the children who are born with disabilities are you going to say they had a choice.....and no matter how good their intentions are Ty and Danielle should have been given some real counselling before going into this marriage and not from lds members either because LDS Bishops and authorities really have no clue how to deal with these real life situations.And just for the record i married a return missionary in the temple and was married for 22 years before he came out. The Bishop and Stake president of our ward when we got married knew about his ssa but neither one of them thought i derserved to know what i was getting into their only council was to him...get married and have a family and these feelings will disappear maybe if they had told me and i still decided to marry him then i would be partly to blame for our marriage not working but to be told nothing and even when i went to our bishop just before our marriage ended with some concerns his answer was to put him in a calling working with young single adult males and when i questioned him about this he didn't see a problem.....these church leaders really need to take a long hard look at themselves....and also on a side note to grannyshrink there was a study done and published in the ensign a few years ago about Lds woman being more depressed then other women and they concluded it was because of the molly mormon syndrome

grannyshrink said...

09:53 AM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

Jan63, I am sorry to hear you had such a painful experience. Deception is never a good way to start a marriage. As to your reference to an Ensign article, I would love to read the article. The Ensign publishes many excellent and accurate articles on mental health issues, but as far as I remember they have never published a study showing LDS women to be more depressed. If I missed that one, I would really like to read it. Perfectionism is highly related to depression but perfectionism is a counterfiet belief to learning to become perfected through Christ's atonement. I am not sure what you mean by the "Molly Mormon Syndrome." This term is not found anywhere in scientific research literature. I would really appreciate the title and author of the Ensign article. You might also want to check out the research on the causation of homosexuality - It is much more complicated than biological or genetic determination. Inaccurate information causes a great deal of sorrow and grief to many. I am sorry you have been so hurt. God bless you and all those who have sorrow because of the pain of mortal experiences - by the way I have 2 chldren who were born with disabilities so I speak not only from reading about these issues but from personal experience. I believe that Christ's atonement can eventually heal all sorrow - even that sorrow caused by SSA.

kimberley said...

10:25 AM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

Thank you, grannyshrink, for your professional insights and your compassionate concern.

ednorm said...

10:40 AM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

I appreciate the open and caring comments I have glanced through. I also have a perspective to share for consideration and reflection. We know from scripture that the Natural Man is an enemy to God ... until yielding to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. As a generalization we are all sexual, but the Lord has set the bounds and provided the means to be obedient and repentant. Sanctification applys to everyone who is observant to the gospel. It has been said we speak to the Father through prayer and he answers us through the scriptures and His Holy Spirit. I know people who have just as much difficulty with keeping covenants who are heterosexual, so I feel sexual orientation is not the issue. The most challenging commandments are going to be "celestial" especially when it involves additional covenant parties over whom we do not ultimately hold control. This makes me all the more appreciate the infinite and eternal atonement and our mortality as an opportunity to grow and learn.

gaymormonguy said...

12:38 PM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

Something that inspires me about Ty & Danielle's story is the fact that they are still sharing it. They're happily married, with a son... and from their perspective, this is a story of the past more than of the present. So many men and women who struggle in life turn outward and share their stories while in the midst of trials... but once the trials disappear, so often does the inclination to turn outward and serve those who need help. That's one reason why we have so few success stories of men and women who live married lives with same-gender attraction... because so few of us share the success we've seen with the world. It makes me wonder about my own story, and the impact I have on the world. Will gaymormonguy.blogspot.com still be a part of my life when I someday find a wife? Will it be something I tell my children about? If I ever become non-anonymous, how will it affect my relationships and my service in the Church? And when it is just a story that I look back on, will I still have the compassion and faith to reach out to those who need help most? Thanks, Ty & Danielle, for being willing to share... but, far more, for the faith that you use in your own lives. I know that it's sometimes rough to be put on a pedestal... but it's clear that you don't intend to fall anytime soon... and we thank you for that.

george123 said...

01:58 PM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

I have read the article and comments. All I can say is "good luck with that". Didn't work out so well for me and my family. I would recommend the "mixed orientation" what ever that means. After 23 years she had enough and ran off with another woman. Leaving both me and our kids and extended family all wondering why. All I can say is get ready for heart ache sometime in your life. It will happen. Mixed orientation...what a joke.

hawkabungatau said...

02:08 PM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

I would like to know where all the articles are highlighting the gay young men in the LDS church who have committed suicide? It is still happening. What is the church doing about this? And what message does this article send? That there is hope to change? If THIS guy is worthy and faithful and righteous enough to change, then so can they? But what if they can't? Being gay is not a choice. Simple as that.

hawkabungatau said...

02:15 PM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

How sad. I feel for the young Mormon men struggling to find a balance within the church especially when they read these revelations from general authorities. Boyd K. Packer: "There is a falsehood that some are born with an attraction to their own kind, with nothing they can do about it. They are just "that way" and can only yield to those desires. That is a malicious and destructive lie. While it is a convincing idea to some, it is of the devil. No one is locked into that kind of life. From our premortal life we were directed into a physical body. There is no mismatching of bodies and spirits. Boys are to become men --masculine, manly men --ultimately to become husbands and fathers. No one is predestined to a perverted use of these powers."

prharvey said...

03:42 PM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

Thanks, Ty, for sharing your testimony of the Gospel and how it has helped you. Each person comes into mortality with their own challenges and trials. My family doesn't face the challenges that come with same-sex attraction, but does face pornography. To some extent both are challenges people can be born with, but it is completely up to the individual as to whether or not they act on what they feel. Christ's Atonement is always enough to help anyone facing whatever challenges are before them and their lives can be much happier because of their efforts to live as the Lord knows we will be the happiest.

kimberley said...

08:02 PM
on May 23, 2012

Report Abuse

I have appreciated all the viewpoints represented in the comments made--one more that struck me as particularly wise was johnrpack's. Thank you.

jan63 said...

05:01 AM
on May 24, 2012

Report Abuse

Grannyshrink i can't remember of hand what the name of the books were that talk about molly mormons I got rid of all my church books after i decided a lot of what i believed was a lie.the Ensign article would have been back around 1984 and there was also studies done outside of the church that also stated the same findings....I also feel that Ty and Danielle should wait at least 20 years before going and writing articles about overcoming ssa because i really do believe that in time they will come to the same realisation that a lot of us have that it just doesn't work out....Ty is not really being his authentic self by trying to suppress these feelings....even the psychologist who founded the diversion therapy has since come out and apologized for all the harm he has done because it just does not work and just because no one has found the right gene to say yes it is genetic does not prove it isn't and all of the ssa people i have spoken with all say the same thing they knew they were gay but suppressed their feelings....why would anyone choose to be gay?.....I also feel the leaders of the church have a lot to answer for because they put so much pressure on being hetrosexual and that is even more evident now when they have gone a removed a couple of talks by general authorities and edited one that was given at the oct 2010 general conference....i have to wonder how many high church leaders may in fact be closeted because of the fall out if they came out...one thing i have noticed since taking a step back from the church is that it really is a boys club....after all why is the priesthood holder asked permission for his wife to be called to a position but rarely is the wife asked before the priesthood is given a calling also if the wife does something wrong the bishop always speaks to the preisthood holder but when its the reverse he is counseled to not do it again and that is the end of it...i am not speaking from actual personal experience just what i have witnessed even to the extent the church sent its own lawyers to oversee a court case because of the bishop allowed something to continue even after the preisthood holder confessed to him....and just to go back to the fact that people are born gay just because it hasn't been proven doesn't mean they are not just like some children are born with disabilities that cannot be explained yet or because the actual gene that has caused the problem has not been discovered does not mean they don't have that disability

esaseeker said...

03:40 PM
on May 24, 2012

Report Abuse

I was really impressed with this article. 10 years into my own marriage there are definitely challenges with sexuality that can result from personal as well as cultural components. Even though our marriage doesn’t share the added challenge of SSA, we still seek to know how to achieve a full, fulfilling, and celestial marriage on all levels including our sexual relationship. Fulfilling sexual relationships just don’t come naturally for everyone and it can create doubts and despair. I am so encouraged by Ty and Danielle’s choice of fidelity to each other and faithfulness to the Lord’s commandments. Keeping a bright testimony of Christ, his doctrine, and living his gospel is key when we face challenges that can become trials of faith. We all must face these trials at some point. What would you do if your challenge was Ty’s? I can’t think of any more faithful and Christ-centered choice than the one Ty (and Danielle for that matter) has made. Marriage is not easy on any level, nor it intended to be that way, but it is necessary for our ultimate progress and joy. Ty and Danielle seem to have the keys in hand to help them achieve it. They have made covenants with the Lord and each other. This provides power and protection and the only sanction from God we have to use the powers of procreation and become righteous parents in the kingdom of God. There is no other way. I commend Ty and Danielle for choosing it. I truly wish them great success as they face trials ahead and a life with SSA. I’m a firm believer however that what we are doing in this life has more to do with the next. His promises are sure. Ty and Danielle seem to have a sense of that as well. Incidentally, I have never heard the dialog surrounding homosexuality refer to “SSA” as pathology like this. It made it easier for me to reconcile living with SSA and staying faithful in the Church. Has there been a lot of backlash however from readers and others who feel offended that it’s relegated to pathology rather than a natural, genetic, or personality trait? I’m glad you published this article. Considering the sins of our day, we must all become more articulate on this subject and be prepared to defend the sanctity of marriage and to share the love our Father has for all of his children.

sunnysideup said...

07:54 AM
on May 25, 2012

Report Abuse

I am grateful for people out there willing to share their story. SSa is more common than people think and most men prefer to keep it hidden. I dated and intended to marry a man with SSA. I educated myself a lot and was willing to give him space to work on his issues, but in the end we broke things off because he was not at a point where he was willing to deal with things openly and became hurtful toward me. I have faith that in time he will someday be able to let the love of Christ fully into his life to make things work with another woman someday. It is a gift to have a deep challenge because the only way through it is to develop a close relationship with Jesus. When you have experienced the full depth of God's love, you can make anything work. Most people don't get it because they did not dig deeper. I speak this as a single mom of ten years, with children with special needs, who had suffered abuse as a child from more than one person. The atonement is powerful, but I also understand that a good portion of church-going people have not experienced the atonement to its fullest extent. If everyone had, you would not be reading so many comments from nay-sayers. Perhaps it sounds trite, but I know the enabling power of Christ's love can help one work through any challenge, if they put it fully on the altar of God's Grace and mercy. I wish this couple the best. As long as they are living a Christ-centered marriage, theirs will be stronger than those more shallow partnerships dependent upon more terrestrial factors.

boats5 said...

07:31 AM
on May 26, 2012

Report Abuse

As a bishop of a single student ward, I worked with several young people who had SSA. Two were women; the rest were men. Most of the men were RMs and were striving to live worthy lives. I admit that initially I wasn’t sure how to help them. But I was fortunate to attend a conference at Evergreen where there were sessions specifically for ecclesiastical leaders. The understanding I gained was so valuable. I learned that healing was possible. They stopped short of saying that a man with SSA could be “cured” but that he could experience “healing” through the power of the atonement and by living the gospel. In the same way that an alcoholic may never be totally free of the temptation or “cured,” he can experience significantly diminished attractions, and the ability to live his life free from the debilitating effects of alcoholism. Like a person with a propensity to overeat must avoid hanging around the bakery, a man with SSA must stand in holy places and learn to control his thoughts and impulses. A man with SSA can’t simply hope to “pray away” his desires, but by making the atonement effective in his life, he can be worthy and pure, thus decreasing the negative effects of the challenge. I also believe that there is a special place in heaven for these individuals who fight the good fight and remain strong.

krazymama said...

08:22 AM
on May 26, 2012

Report Abuse

Thank you for sharing this inspiring story. What a remarkable couple. It goes to show you the power that comes from living the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thank you for your courage to share your story.

sestraleonard said...

10:58 AM
on May 26, 2012

Report Abuse

@Jan63: I would like to point out that the term "Molly Mormon" doesn't hold any weight in the church. It's not a syndrome or a disease. It's a term that's commonly used for joking around among college age students and I've heard it used again, as a joke, to refer to someone in the relief society whose super good at crafty and home building type things. I looked it up in the dictionary, oh gee, isn't there. I've never heard a general authority refer to the women of the church as Molly Mormon's, nor have I ever heard one say that we all need to be Molly Mormons. According to you though, it probably has just been "edited" out of the general authorities talks, right? I would be extremely curious as to how you know that these talks from Oct. 2010 have been "edited" and I'd really love to know which talks you are refering to. Also, it may have been your experience that the husband is always asked "permission" before a wife receives a calling and the wife rarely is, but I don't ever recall a bishop asking my husband for permission. The phrase that was used is, do you support your wife in this calling. When my husband was called to a leadership role in the ward, I was also asked the same question. Do you support your husband in this calling. At this time, I was able to lay out a few of my concerns with the calling and how it might affect our personal lives plus how it would work with my husband's job schedule. The bishop took that into consideration and called an assistant for my husband (a calling that didn't exist) so that when my husband was deployed, there were people taking care of his calling and he didn't have to worry about it. I'm sorry that your husband was asked for "permission" to allow you to do your calling, but I don't think that's really how it works in the rest of the church.

zehnwaters said...

11:58 AM
on May 29, 2012

Report Abuse

I always find it interesting the way people interpret Pre. Packer's Conference talk. Is it really so difficult to understand? God wouldn't give us a temptation but to act upon. Sounds like an accurate doctrinal statement.

wagnertgt said...

05:52 AM
on May 31, 2012

Report Abuse

It is sad to me to see another "band-aid" story being told here to justify more pain to our brothers ans sisters that are homosexuals. When are we going to get over all these hurtfull policies towards gays? Sometimes I wonder if Christ himself would be so hard headed as some of our leaders are about accepting others that are different than us. As The Spirit has confirmed to me that the Temple ban for blacks was plain wrong and not accepted by God, now it also has confirmed to me that the way The LDS,Church has treated homosexuals to this day, it is not the way Christ would do to any of His children. We just don't get it as a church and unfortunately, our present leaders don't seem to get it either. I wonder if political pressure will be again, the main catalyst for another future revelation. I hope so!

whakamo said...

10:08 AM
on May 31, 2012

Report Abuse

What an inspiring couple! I think their success will be because of their understanding of the Saviour, His gospel and the Atonement, which seems to be deep. Anyone with severe personal challenges can live a full life and be happy because of this same understanding which is only achieved, and continualy increased, just as described by Ty in this article. Unfortunately we all know of too many marriages that fail, that have nothing to do with SSA, and possibly more to do with selfishness and pride on the part of one or both of the individuals, and an unwillingness to allow the Saviour to make us whole as he has assured EVERYONE of us, that He can. We are also taught by the Apostle Paul that "[We] can do ALL things through Christ, which strengthenth [us]" I thank you Ty and Danielle for who you are and what you stand for. You are an inspiration to me.

kabucky said...

10:45 AM
on May 31, 2012

Report Abuse

Thanks for your willingness to share your stories. I feel very strongly that your are being honest and not trying to make this up to keep up appearances. The Lord is good and wants us to be happy, when we work hard on our part he always comes through for us. Thanks again guys!

jans said...

01:37 PM
on Jun 01, 2012

Report Abuse

People may be interested to also know that the BYU Sociology dept had a panelist discussion involving openly gay students (including a married man) not too long ago. It was VERY well attended. These discussions are so important so I am glad that more LDS people are opening up about it. It is interesting to me that so many people predict the failure of the marriage due to Ty's sexual attraction, that he will somehow be unable to control himself. Wouldn't it be the same temptation for every marriage? Seems to me that most of the time I hear about hetero marriages failing it is due to affairs or pornography addictions. Doesn't seem like the deck is stacked even harder against a couple dealing with SSA. I think they have a better chance than most, with their attitudes and open communication. And Ty's website is a great resource - some great reading.

liv said...

02:23 PM
on Jun 01, 2012

Report Abuse

Marriage is based in openess, love, and trust. This marriage has all of that, and I see no reason why it would succeed. Which is a far cry from being married to a porn addict who cannot stop lying for one minute to save a marriage. And after 16 years, I will be a single mother of 8. Yes, love and honesty is what really matters in the end.

nate said...

04:21 PM
on Jun 02, 2012

Report Abuse

There is nothing very extraordinary about a gay man marrying a woman. It happens all the time, and has been for thousands of years. As long as you don't have unrealistic expectations about sexual attraction and fulfillment, the marriage can often be very successful: based on friendship, selfless love and sacrifice. What is extraordinary is that an openly gay man gets married in today's day and age. Ty and Danielle are definitely making new ground there. Good for them, and why not? It takes a lot of courage, and a lot of faith in the future. Let's hope they stick with it, and don't get derailed by the myth that sexual fulfillment is always necessary to be happy.

kippers2222 said...

06:36 PM
on Jun 02, 2012

Report Abuse

I'm a gay Mormon in a 7 year relationship with another man. I wish for the best for Ty and Danielle. But if he is more bi then it might work. But if not I don't think it will work. Also ldsliving.com why don't you print stories about same-sex couples who are in loving commitment relationships and still believe in the gospel. I still believe in the church but just don't agreed with the policy against gay people and gay marriages. We are no different than hetro couples. There are many of us out there and still believe in the gospel but feel like we can't be part of the church because people are discomfortable with gay people. I truly believe that the next generation that they will be more accepting of us and not feel discomfort.

blacksheep said...

07:10 PM
on Jun 02, 2012

Report Abuse

Full love, support, and appreciation to Ty and Danielle Mansfield for sharing this, but would like to add: Human relations involve stresses beyond gender attraction. Back in the '70s, the US military tried to create a program for troubled GI's misnamed "Human Relations", but anyone who had severe loneliness issues not directed towards specific family or friends was automatically pigeonholed as "homosexual". My issue was simply this: I have always believed that FRIENDSHIP, once established, was a permanent bond, but Life repeatedly showed me that when people part company, for whatever reason, they forget one another, and don't even care. I have never been able to do so, and thus, at age 62, I have hundreds of people I miss and can never forget, but who won't even reply to a friendly call, card, or email, and when I do reach them, they don't understand why I am calling (does a friend need a reason?). It HURTS, all the time, more than I can say. Same theme, different song. Thanks for listening.

jan63 said...

04:03 PM
on Jun 03, 2012

Report Abuse

sestraleonard How do I know it was edited I was in Salt Lake at the time of that conference and heard what was said and when the same talk was printed in the ensign it had parts edited out......maybe you should watch the conference and read the ensign...gee you might be surprised.

jan63 said...

04:07 PM
on Jun 03, 2012

Report Abuse

I also believe given time there will be some amazing revelation concerning homosexuals as was with the blacks holding the priesthood and attending the temple.....when will people wake up and smell the roses......GOD DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE.....well not the God i know

spinner said...

11:03 PM
on Jun 03, 2012

Report Abuse

Well, good luck to Ty and Danielle, but I have slim hope that they'll be able to make this work. My own marriage disintegrated after 20 years when my husband (who had converted during the marriage) decided he was gay. With hindsight, I can tell you a "mixed orientation" marriage is a misery; you always have a sense that something's not right; something's missing, and you're not really cherished the way you should be--you're at most a friend, but more often, just tolerated as a means to an end. There is going to be doubt underlying everything about their marriage. Danielle had better make sure to keep her job skills current and keep her own savings, because chances are, she's going to need them. I believe the Atonement can heal anything, but not all of that healing happens in this lifetime.

oporterrockwell said...

04:19 PM
on Jun 04, 2012

Report Abuse

Briefly ...It is a challenge to be straight in a marriage ... imagine believing to be homosexual ...starts by lying to self! Not go!

pinklady321 said...

10:55 AM
on Jun 06, 2012

Report Abuse

They shared their story to be a help to others.. everyone is so wrapped up in their own thinking. It's their life, their decisions and their eternity they are working for. So take the story for what it is, if it helps you, GREAT! Thats what it was created for.. if it doesn't help you, you don't like it or think that they are wrong then...butt out and quit reading it! Worry about yourself and your decisions and the way you share your own opinions. Wishing Ty and Danielle all the best. To each their own! All many people are trying to do is their best, what is asked of them. We don't need to hurt others to get our point across. Why be hurtful to someone who is trying to understand the trials they have or to try and help others along the way.

pinklady321 said...

10:55 AM
on Jun 06, 2012

Report Abuse

They shared their story to be a help to others.. everyone is so wrapped up in their own thinking. It's their life, their decisions and their eternity they are working for. So take the story for what it is, if it helps you, GREAT! Thats what it was created for.. if it doesn't help you, you don't like it or think that they are wrong then...butt out and quit reading it! Worry about yourself and your decisions and the way you share your own opinions. Wishing Ty and Danielle all the best. To each their own! All many people are trying to do is their best, what is asked of them. We don't need to hurt others to get our point across. Why be hurtful to someone who is trying to understand the trials they have or to try and help others along the way.

mom-of-ten said...

01:25 PM
on Jun 06, 2012

Report Abuse

I am not naive to the work this takes. However, this made me laugh in happines, cry with heartfelt joy and relate to the love God has for us and what we should have for each other. May your love continue and grow forever.

ktkids said...

10:13 PM
on Jun 08, 2012

Report Abuse

I think marriage takes work and faith for any couple, no matter what specific challenges are present. Every relationship has problems to overcome, the biggest difference between Ty and Danielle's challenge and those in many other marriages is that they talk about it openly and have since the beginning of their relationship. Not feeling the need to hide when they're struggling will allow them to remain close to each other and the Lord. It takes courage for them to stand up and share their story and what a blessing it will be for others. Thank you for sharing your faih with us, Ty and Danielle.

warriorpoet said...

01:04 AM
on Jun 10, 2012

Report Abuse

@grannyshrink, I think that you are too stuck in the Mormon bubble to actually be seeing clearly. It may not be talked about " officially " yet, but everyone does know that Molly mormon syndrome is very real and is an issue for some that should be addressed. You also say "The Ensign publishes many excellent and accurate articles on mental health issues"....The Ensign does have many articles on mental health issues, however from MY professional experience, they are far from accurate. The church hierarchy may ( or may not!), be trying to address some of its misconceptions about mental health issues, however when local leaders handle a member's mental health issues not only badly but to the detrement of their overall health, the leader is supported and backed to the hilt leaving the member in a worse position than they were previously! This however, is a totally different topic altogether. For me though, your comments epitomize they way many in the church treat others with problems! You are living in an unreal world refusing to see the evidences of things that others are experiencing and other research out there. You ask someone else for specific examples, yet actually cite no independent ones of your own. Everyone can cite research to prove a point, that's second year of what we learn to do when studying psychology goodness! What's more important to listen to the experiences of others and offer real help and support. I am happy that things are currently working for this couple. As long as their marriage was and is based on honesty, then they are in the same situation as the rest of us, working away at our marriages. To those who had marriages based on a lie, then those church leaders ( who presumably were just following church guidelines / orders???), they should be ashamed of the selves!

thinkingitthrough said...

09:22 PM
on Jun 14, 2012

Report Abuse

Profound part of this story to me comes in these words, “Just stay with me. If you do, this is the feeling you will someday feel—and it will be a permanent part of your being.”

grannyshrink said...

12:42 PM
on Jun 18, 2012

Report Abuse

Poetwarrior, I have also seen serious problems for people when leaders are not adequately informed about mental health concerns. That is why I advocate for accurate information. LDS people need accurate information on mental health. I also see many people who struggle to sort out differences between deeply held PERSONAL religious beliefs and cultural myths and traditions. For example many people confuse perfectionism with the doctrine of becoming perfected through Christ's atonement. Perfectionism is highly correlated with depression. Intrinsic, personally religious individuals have better mental health than those who rely heavily on social religion(you can find research on Google Scholar by Allen Bergin, Scott Richards Marie Cornwall and othersl Tim Heaton's Book on Mormons is an excellent resource) Individuals who have personal histories of abuse often struggle to sort out male abusers from a God Image of a loving Heavenly Father. These kinds of issues require tender sensitivity to a person's pain. Passive, dependent personalities may need sensitive and caring help in becoming more assertive and developing a more authentic personal religious life that reflects their own personal beliefs rather than not knowing how to access and use their God-given agency. Listening to the person's pain is not the same as assuming that correct LDS doctrine CAUSES mental health concerns. APA professional guidelines require that therapists are sensitive to a person's religious beliefs and values. If you would like more references on mental health and LDS populations I would refer you to Johnson, S. M. (2004). Religiosity and life satisfaction among LDS women. Journal of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists, Spr.,(29), 87-101. Masters, K. S., Bergin, A. E., Reynolds, E. M. & Sullivan, C. E. (1991). Religious Lifestyles and mental health: A follow-up study. Counseling and Values, 35(3) 211-224. Williams, M. S. (1999). Family attitudes and perfectionism as related to depression in Latter-day Saint and Protestant women. In Daniel K. Judd (ed.) Religion, Mental Health and the Latter day Saints. SLC, UT: Bookcraft, Inc. Spendlove, D. C., West, D. W. & Stanish, W. M. (1984). Risk factors and the prevalence of depression in Mormon women. Social Science Medicine, 18 (6), 491-495. Also check out APA publications by Scott Richards on Religion and Psychotherapy) Compassionate care and listening to each person's individual story is critical in understanding how to help but it is also helpful to understand the difference between cultural myths about LDS people and mental health and what the research says. An interesting article that looks at that is Thatcher (1980) in the January AMCAP journal. I suspect we share more in common with a personal desire to help LDS people than you may realize.

grannyshrink said...

01:21 PM
on Jun 26, 2012

Report Abuse

Oops, I forgot another important reference. The American Psychological Association's website posts answers to questions about sexual orientation and homosexuality. It states,"How a particular sexual orientation develops in any individual is not understood by scientists....However, many scientists share the view that sexual orientation is shaped for most people at an early age through complex interactions of biological, psychological and social factors." It is not believed to be solely genetically determined. Also, I would not tell a faithful LDS woman her depression was caused by "Molly-Mormon Syndrome" anymore than I would tell an "Out and Proud" Gay man his depression was caused by "Fairy Syndrome" or tell a person of color that their depression was caused by "(some stereotyping racial slur)Syndrome." Such negative,perjorative and unsubstantiated stereotypes are unhelpful to people regardless of whether they are based on gender, sexual orientation, race, religion or any other part of a person's identity. I am very familiar with the cultural meaning a Molly Mormon - doing crafts does not cause depression and doing crafts is not part of LDS doctrine.

nobody said...

07:24 PM
on Jul 08, 2012

Report Abuse

When will we see an article on those who find themselves attracted to young children, of the same or opposite sex? I see no difference between that and this article. i feel for anyone who finds themselves in the position of SSA but to give the impression that its a feeling or whatever that cannot be controlled is no different that those who say they are attracted to young children and want to express thier love to them. The homosexual lifestyle is revolting with no redeming aspects. Thy lifestyle, not the person. To coddle and raise those who profess that weakness is no different that doing the same to those who expouse feeling for the young. I think all this does is make it an acceptable weakness.

hisprincess_21 said...

07:57 PM
on Jul 08, 2012

Report Abuse

@nobody: you sound very judgemental. Unless you been in someone's shoes you cannot voice your opinion. Based on what I read no one is making SSA an acceptable weakness. The point of this article, as well as the other comments, is that feelings are uncontrollable but actions are. We cannot control what we feel, and believe me I am a witness; however we CAN control what we DO. If we could control the way we feel I doubt very seriously that I would have feeli'ngs for this woman on my job. I'm not attracted to women. An attractive woman can walk by me and it won't phase me. I never considered being in a romantic relationship with a woman. But I've been in situations where the women became attracted to me first and I pursued it though mutual stares and flirtations. The feelings that I felt I prayed for them to leave. Unfortunately I lived in a body of agony. Like one commenter said it is constant torment for a child of God that loves Him with all his/her heart to feel attracted towards someone of the same gender. It is not a good feeling. I've been there and I know what these people suffering from SSA are going through with. Many, like myself, dont act on their feelings but they still suffer because they are tempted. Unless you've been there or know someone personally who has please don't judge, ok? The same goes for childhood molestors. Yes they should be punished for their deeds. But like SSA sufferers their feelings should be brought to the cross.

nobody said...

08:22 PM
on Jul 11, 2012

Report Abuse

I live a life with a reminder that i was someones "toy" as a boy with SSA. Now i live with a child who is involved with an SSA of the opposite sex who has been mistreated but feels things will be better. So yes i do have an opinion and will express it when i want where i want.

nitemare76 said...

06:52 PM
on Jul 19, 2012

Report Abuse

I have often been curious about the enigmatic contradiction of my life, haveing been born into a strong LDS family and also being a lesbian. I am so very grateful for people like Ty, for having the gutts to make such intimate details of his life open to the scrutiny of members and non-members. I am recently becoming active in the church again because I learned for myself that "wickedness never was happiness"(Alma 41:10) when I was trying to live a life away from the teachings of the gospel. Speaking from my own point of view as one who struggles with same sex attraction, all I want is for other members to keep the covenants they made at baptism and which they renew every week by taking the sacrament: Which is to be "willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light." (Mosiah 18:8) If more members open their minds and soften their hearts, more people like me will feel like we don't have to leave the church to be true to ourselves. We are all children of our Heavenly Father and we should treat each other as such.

sved52 said...

11:30 AM
on Aug 08, 2012

Report Abuse

Kudos to both of you! Many do not understand a true spiritual connection with the Lord, so they cannot possibly understand the transformation and understanding he gives when one is so diligently obedient to the promptings of the Spirit. It's heart-warming to see two people who have the understanding of what a relationship really is meant to be. I could add much more but my words can't describe nearly as well as you have done in your own words. God bless both of you for all eternity.

vieja said...

03:23 PM
on Aug 18, 2012

Report Abuse

nitemare76, I hope you feel each day how much the Lord loves you! Thank you for sharing; I'm so glad you're back! I really do feel that if we love the Lord first we can love each other so much more.

ggd said...

07:29 PM
on Aug 31, 2012

Report Abuse

Hi, thank you for sharing your story. I am an LDS female. I was a tom boy when I was little and wanted to look like a boy. When I hit puberty I got more of the female hormones flowing in my body and became more interested in females and wanted to start dressing a little more like a girl. I felt same sex attraction feelings and it caused me a lot of pain. I tried to always keep the commandments and be a good example to others. When I was 17 my best friend (and only friend) stopped being my friend. And I thought it was because she thought I was attracted. It was really difficult for me and I repented of some little things with such a broken heart and remorse that I felt a complete change of heart. I felt joy and love beyond anything I've ever experienced. I felt that spirit for about 6 months. Since then I've always tried to keep the commandments but have struggled with fear of others knowing I had this secret problem. I felt a lot of shame and have had a lot of problems with guys not dating me because they think I'm "gay" and I haven't really been able to have any close friends as I'm scared to be close to people. But, I'm still with the Lord and still trying. Past few years, I've turned to health as I'm trying to heal damage that happened to me when I got permanent side effects from a prescription drug. And it hasn't healed the damage, but has helped my hormones. My hormones used to bother me and upset me. They were ambiguous, and left me feeling vulnerable and bad about myself and attracted to women. However now my hormones are more to my liking. They make me feel very attracted to men and very happy to be a woman. I've supplemented with nasent iodine, vitamin d (6-8000 IU's per day as I don't get enough sun), raw pumpkin seeds with olive oil and himalayan salt (for zinc), eat kale salads and get plenty of healthy fats. I don't eat gmo's which can harm fertility and such. I eat unprocessed food and no canned food as bpa in the lining seems to affect me. I don't feel attracted to women now and am very confident in my desire to be married to a man. I look so forward to getting married to a man! Just need to find one that will love me. I believe that if you are faithful and try, try, try to do what is right you will eventually be healed spiritually and physically from this. I'm 36 now and there were many years where I just had to keep trying. Also I found that electro-acupuncture may help balance the hormones as well. These are some of the things I've learned through time about dealing with this. But I'm happy with things and just need to get better socially and feel more self-confidence as this whole thing has been hard on me that way. I'm looking forward to marriage with a special man and look forward to my future.

ggd said...

07:45 PM
on Aug 31, 2012

Report Abuse

Oh, and I've also been seeing a "wellness" chiropractor who regularly does adjustments to keep the nerves working properly and I think it does much for my hormone balance too. Whatever it is, something has definitely changed with me.

bridget said...

11:05 AM
on Sep 20, 2012

Report Abuse

First of all, the so-called "same-sex" attraction is not truly sexual in nature, nor could it be. It is merely a deep friendship. It is widely misinterpreted today because people are influenced by the media and what the corrupt culture says. What Ty experienced when he prayed for guidance was the Lord showing him the proper place for romantic feelings — within marriage to someone of the opposite sex. That is the correct and only real expression of such feelings. If you insist on allowing your thoughts to go down paths that lead to destruction, you will indeed be sucked into the cultural morass of evil. But Ty escaped that captivity because he turned to the Lord. Any time you are feeling inappropriate feelings or thinking inappropriate thoughts, turn to the Lord and get rid of them. Don't be stupid enough to bask and wallow in sin. Avoid it from the beginning, before it can take a foothold on you.

bgtaylor4 said...

11:13 AM
on Oct 30, 2012

Report Abuse

While this article was great to read through, and I could feel the spirit and learning expand, it was tedious to try to wade through 60+ comments (quit after about 20) that began with such negative reactions. For those who were positive, who felt as I did reading this, thank you. What I got from their story was the same thing I hear from the apostles of the Lord. That SSA is real; that what matters is our choices; two choices that seem to be made here are honesty/trust and to truly love (Danielle's letter captures this). What is clear, because the biology isn't our business nor would I presume to understand SSA, is that Danielle is attractive to Ty in so many other ways. From my own marriage of 33 years I know that intimacy is found at so many levels, in so many things daily outside the bedroom. Those negative comments offered that this marriage won't last are so shallow and depressing; I think quite the opposite in that they seem blessed and their joy shall be great. And their witness shall bless others. Again, thank you Ty and Danielle for sharing.

wickyworm said...

08:48 PM
on Dec 08, 2012

Report Abuse

the key issue here is not same sex attraction but the depth of honesty, goodness, and commitment to each other Ty and Danielle have, plus a deep understanding of the gospel. I married a heterosexual man and there was no unselfish caring from him for me, only dishonesty and self gratification which destroyed our marriage and almost our children. We went through huge bewilderment and heartache that Danielle and her sons and daughters will never have to endure, because Ty is a good man.

vmaldoa said...

10:11 AM
on Jan 23, 2013

Report Abuse

This article just make me think that love -spiritual love- exists.

movingforward said...

11:15 PM
on Jan 24, 2013

Report Abuse

I don't know if anyone here has ever read a blog by Josh Weed. If they haven't, I highly suggest they do. He himself deals with SSA, but has been married for 10 years and has 3 children. He wrote a blog post specific to this and he talks a lot more in depth about how things really are between himself and his spouse, and how it's not all about sexual attraction, but intimacy. I've got a million things I could say about this, but honestly, if you go read Josh's blog post about SSA, he'll explain it a LOT better than I could.

enlightened said...

10:27 PM
on May 19, 2013

Report Abuse

To the person who posted that gays are born that way, I completely disagree. The adversary is very real. We believe that angels are around us because we coexist with the spirit world, just a different dimension and the fact that we have a veil. We have been taught in the scriptures that evil spirits also are among us hence where temptation comes from. Those evil spirits can bother even the youngest of souls. When a person feels those tendencies even early in life they have most likely been under some control of those spirits that seek to destroy that which God wants for his children. I know the same sex feelings are very real, don't get me wrong, but they can be overcome. By recognizing that theses spirits are provoking these feelings, one can use the priesthood to instruct these spirits to depart and place a priesthood shield around them. This may have to be done everyday and every night. They are persistent and try to come back, but will eventually come back. God places gender as divine and marriage between man and woman. He understands the extreme difficulty in overcoming same sex attraction and he is there with loving arms to help, but you must ask. I truly believe that if it is not resolved in this life there will be a chance in the next to change and live in accordance to Gods laws and desires. Without the adversary to tempt and destroy, one will have the clarity if mind and spirit to make those changes. There is much hope. God bless you all.

enlightened said...

10:29 PM
on May 19, 2013

Report Abuse

I meant to say that they will eventually give up. That's a very important correction:)

darilao said...

07:35 PM
on Jun 15, 2013

Report Abuse

Such a beautiful and touching story. Thank you for your testimony and your strength. This made me cry (in a good way). I pray that you will touch many more lives with your story. :)

cathy.jo said...

09:10 AM
on Jul 29, 2013

Report Abuse

I started reading the comments above, but decided not to waste my time. After reading this article, I am so touched by the obvious love between these two people. Of course I have an opinion. But where I am not in a situation where I or anyone I know struggles with this specific issue, my opinion doesn't matter. I can only speak and share my opinions when I have experienced the same thing. That being said, I have a tremendous amount of respect for this family and I wish them only the very best. I have a feeling the happiness and peace they will experience in the next life will be a direct result of their faith in this life. And I know that not one negative comment that was made resulting from this story will have any impact on these people whatsoever. They won't care what you think about them. They only care about doing the right thing for them and their family. And I respect the heck out of that!

shaman.healer.sage said...

07:44 PM
on Dec 27, 2013

Report Abuse

I'm glad Ty and Danielle are happy. I am a woman who has always been same-sex attracted. Since I was raised Mormon, I married a Mormon man. It didn't turn out so well as I experienced severe abuse. I finally left the church and have been in a healthy, monogamous relationship with a woman. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Instead of seeking for God outside of myself through cultural actions, I seek God within and I have found All That Is. I recommend it to anyone who is interested in finding joy.
Leave a Comment
Login to leave a comment.