State of Mind

Just over a year later, I became the proud and exhausted mama of a strapping nine-pound son. Any brain cells that had survived my engagement and newlywed bliss were now long gone--flushed into oblivion by the ravages of pregnancy.

With my baby's birth and the advent of life as a full-time homemaker, I was ready to recover from my brain wreck and reclaim my old self. However, life's minutia--diapers, dinner, dishes, dirty clothes, drippy noses, washing, weeding--consumed my days and shanghaied my nights. Sleep-deprivation and fatigue ruled, molding my mind into a mushy mass of sleepy sludge incapable of coherent thinking. As much as I loved my family, I frequently felt overwhelmed and stifled despite my husband's willing help. It seemed there was no time or room for my own growth.

After several months of frustration, I realized that motherhood didn't have to equal cerebral failure. I learned how to overcome brain drain by finding ways to integrate learning into my new life. For instance, I often read thought-provoking books or magazines while I nursed my son. I also discovered that raising a family can actually encourage new learning by providing fresh perspectives that come only with this in-the-trenches, hands-on adventure.

Before becoming a mother, learning first aid skills was a boring bother that I avoided. However, having a toddler motivated me to quickly master those skills! Trying to figure out how to pay for our high medical expenses and save for our children's future missions prompted my husband and me to study two intellectually stimulating subjects--financial planning and investments. As a parent, I've discovered that almost any experience can be a form of intellectual stimulation if it's approached with curiosity, creativity, and an open mind. This approach to life is the key to rebooting our brains when they are acting like a crashed computer or a bowl of soggy, overcooked oatmeal.

Create "Me Time"

So, how do we defeat brain cell atrophy? Take time for yourself.

"Yeah, right," you may say. "With all the stuff I have to do, how in the world can I possibly find time for that?" The answer is that we must wrest it from our overbooked lives. This is how I do it:

Get Sufficient Sleep

Scientific studies show that we need seven to eight hours of sleep each night in order for our brains to function at full capacity. At first glance, this may seem a strange way to get more time for intellectual stimulation. It is easy to skimp on sleep--or to even view adequate sleep as optional--because it can seem that there's just too much to do to waste time in bed. However, consistent adequate sleep refreshes us, allows us to complete our work more quickly, and opens our minds for learning. In fact, a rested brain can work two and a half times faster than a sleep-deprived one! That's certainly worth going to bed early!

Of course, moms will have sleepless stints. Hungry newborns require frequent night feedings; sick children and all-night homework marathons with kids who "just received" an assignment for a thirty-page report exploring the eating habits of the road runner are just part of life. However, sleep deprivation can (and should) be the exception, not the rule. There is help for mothers with sleepless children. An excellent resource is The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D., which contains practical tips for colicky babies as well as calm ones. You can also talk to your child's doctor.

Schedule Uninterrupted Time, and Then Safeguard It!

This can be difficult when your children are young. Here's some things that can be done to secure "me time" when children are small:

· Trade babysitting with a friend. One week you tend her kids for an afternoon; the next week, she takes yours.

· Form a neighborhood preschool where the moms take turns teaching the lessons. Then, once or twice a week you'll have a morning to yourself (except when it's your turn to teach). The Joy School curriculum written by Richard and Linda Eyre is an excellent preschool format that requires little money or preparation.

· Plan to use at least one of your kids' nap times or quiet times each week just for you.

If your kids are old enough to be in school, set aside one morning or afternoon each week for yourself. Don't allow anything to be scheduled on top of it. Prevent sabotage by taking the phone off the hook, ignoring the doorbell, or simply leaving your home.

If you're lucky enough to live by family, there's also the ever popular visit to Grandma's house. While she's playing with the kids, you can feed your mind.

Dovetail Daily Duties with Educational Pursuits

Pair mind-stretching with your daily mothering routine. Many of the ideas that follow use this approach.

Please note: Some ideas fit into every season of a woman's life; others work best during particular life phases. I never used all of these ideas all at once; I just used what worked for me at the time. Now, before self-depreciation takes over because you can't do all the things on the list, remember, this is just a long list of ideas--not a "to do" list.

Use the Media

We live in a media-saturated world, so we can easily incorporate it into our busy lives. Audio, video, and printed media are powerful learning tools. And you can get most media for free--through the airwaves or at the library. Despite the avalanche of titillating trash vying for our attention, a smorgasbord of enlightening literature and instructive programming is available to rev up our intellects. So, go ahead! Choose something interesting to you!

Television Programming

The Public Broadcasting System (PBS) offers a plethora of educational shows. (Don't panic! I don't mean purple dinosaurs, furry muppets, or even sweatered seniors!) NOVA, American Experience, and Great Performances are among the many informative offerings. Other channels, such as The History Channel, The Discovery Channel, and The Learning Channel, are also dedicated to educational programs.

Many school districts, colleges, universities, or state organizations sponsor education channels that broadcast lectures for distance-learning students, which you can watch even if you are not taking a course. And don't forget BYUTV, an excellent resource for shows on family relations, gospel doctrine, and social issues.

Videotapes or DVDs

Public libraries stock educational videos, including classic stories and Shakespearian plays.

Radio or Podcasts

Listen to public radio stations or podcasts (like you'll find at itunes.com--most are free to download) while working around the home or driving. They broadcast stimulating interviews, reports, and news from around the world. Bonus feature: Talking heads also double as children's sedatives; your kids will be asleep in minutes.

Books and Periodicals

Reading can be integrated into many activities including riding (not driving!) in the car, waiting in doctors' offices, or sitting in an idling car waiting for the carpool kids to arrive. When I had a colicky baby, I even read at 3:00 a.m. as I walked the floors with her.

When my children were little, they refused to stay in bed after I tucked them in at night. I solved this problem by becoming a guard dog stationed immediately outside their bedroom doors; I could quickly and easily return escaping prisoners to their sleeping quarters. It often took an hour or two before each was asleep for the night. I turned these hours into priceless reading time that not only filled my brain but also helped me keep my temper with reluctantly obedient children.

· If you have no idea what to read, ask around. Find out what others are reading. Librarians, teachers, family, and friends can make excellent recommendations. A great place to find reading ideas is on the University of Utah's Marriott Library website lib.utah.edu/unreq and in LDS Living.

· Remember to check out the thriving LDS literature market; it has something for nearly every taste. Occasionally choose something outside your accustomed genre. You might discover a new love!
· Listening to books on tape or CD is an easy way to get in some "reading" while occupied with rote tasks or when driving.

· In addition to subscribing to Church magazines, pick up a magazine or journal that features subjects interesting to you--hiking, home decorating, science, cooking, gardening, history, politics. Can't afford a subscription? Public libraries house current periodicals for patrons' use. Or get them for pennies at a thrift shop. You may consider sharing the subscription cost with friends and then passing the magazine around.

· Read the newspaper. In addition to the news, newspapers feature information about a range of subjects, including travel, manners, and cooking.

· Buy a used textbook from the clearance shelf at your local college or university. You can often find $60-$80 texts for less than $5. These, of course, have tons of intellectual stimulation packed in their pages!

Internet

Every subject imaginable can be found on the Internet. Spend an hour or two researching a topic and learning something new. Two of my favorite websites are ask.com and scholar.google.com (it features scholarly literature, articles, and websites). Caution: Choose reputable sites and have a good filtering program so you don't inadvertently wander into obscene sites.

Get on an email list that sends you daily or weekly articles on the subject of your choosing. Deseret Book offers this service (deseretbook.com), as does lds.org, the Church's webiste.

Speaking of lds.org, it's another great place for learning. You will find oodles of topics to search there. Click on "Home and Family," "Provident Living," or "Gospel Library". You will be amazed at the huge range of information provided there.

Break Out of Your Four Walls

Go somewhere new. There's nothing like a change of scene to dust the cobwebs from your brain.

· Look up free community events and activities in the newspaper or on the Web, and schedule a few of them into your family calendar. Don't neglect free concerts in the park.

· Attend a symphony, play, or concert while on a date with your husband. Many artistic productions feature lectures before the event that provide new insights into the works presented and enhance your enjoyment. I used to think orchestral works were trips to Dullsville; I only went to the symphony because my husband enjoyed it. After attending pre-symphony lectures, I began to enjoy the music because I understood the stories behind the pieces and learned how to listen with an educated ear. Now, I eagerly anticipate our symphonic outings.

· Visit a museum and read all the placards. Go alone or with a friend.

· Take a family vacation. Use free visitors' information packets to learn about places of historic or scientific interest along your route. Explore the local culture.

· Attend Deseret Book's Time Out for Women, BYU Education Week, or Women's Conference.

· Or just do "nothing." Watch a sunrise or sunset. Doodle on a piece of paper. Swing at the park. Sit on the front porch and watch the children play (or the neighbors work). Giving yourself a rest and having "down time" also contributes to intellectual health because it refreshes your mind and soul.

Mingle, Mingle, Mingle

Socializing opens new doors of understanding as we listen to others' ideas, insights, and experiences.

· Invite family, friends, or neighbors over for dinner, dessert, family home evening, or a game night.

· Visit relatives and the elderly. If you take the opportunity to ask them questions about their past, you will be amazed at what you learn! Be sure to bring a tape recorder or video camera so their stories will be preserved (and you'll be doing family history work as well).

· Attend parties sponsored by the ward.

· Organize a neighborhood party. Have a barbeque or play outdoor games or just serve desserts (homemade ice cream is our favorite). It doesn't have to be anything fancy; you can even do it potluck style. When I was a child, we moved into a new home in an established community. Soon afterwards, my parents organized a neighborhood block party so they could meet their neighbors. It was so much fun that it's been a neighborhood tradition for over thirty years. (The responsibility for planning the annual party now rotates through the neighborhood.) It's a lot of fun to spend time with neighbors--especially those whom you would otherwise seldom see.

One great thing about this activity is that it brings together neighbors of various vocations, backgrounds, and faiths. Their interests and histories can make very stimulating conversation as you build friendships and common interests.

· Join or organize a book club. Many libraries, community arts counsels, religious congregations, and libraries sponsor book clubs that you can join. If you begin your own club, you can make it as formal or informal as you'd like. One of my friends had a monthly gathering where the members all discussed the same book. Their husbands took the kids on outings while the women met. Another friend sponsored a monthly book club emphasizing children's books. She invited us to bring the books we'd read with our children and review them for one another. You can even create a book club with family members--for both those that live within your home and those who live in other states! For out-of-state relatives, conduct book discussions by phone or instant messaging. Need ideas about what to discuss? Book reviews (online or in newspapers) can provide great intellectual fodder. You can also buy Cliff Notes or SparkNotes for classic works; they discuss characters, plots, themes, and symbolism.

· Organize a playgroup with other mothers. While the kids play, socialize!

Kid Stuff

Discover the learning opportunities that arise as you are raising your children.

· Field trips to the zoo, a children's museum, a candy factory, or a farm can be fun and educational for adults and children alike. You can go as a chaperone with your child's school class or organize your own excursion just for your family or invite the neighbors to join you.

· Visit the public library during story hour. While the kids are being entertained by the story teller, find a corner in the library to read a book or do research on the Internet.

· Help your kids with their homework or volunteer in their classrooms. Who knows? You might actually learn fourth grade math, how to conjugate verbs, or discover the history of a country you'd never even heard of before! (Did you know that Djibouti is a nation in east Africa? Some historians believe the Wise Men may have gotten their frankincense and myrrh from that region to give to baby Jesus. I learned this while helping my daughter with a report.)

· Read your children's assigned books. You'll have to help them with their book reports, their papers, and their research projects anyway; you may as well know what they are writing about! One of my friends made it a practice to read everything assigned to her children. This helped her to screen her children's reading materials; it also provided common ground for parent-child conversation.

· Read to your children. It's amazing how much you can learn from a child's book!

Church and Churchy Stuff

We are so lucky to belong to a church that encourages lifelong learning. So many opportunities for intellectual growth are right in front of us!

· Attend the temple regularly; pray and read the scriptures daily. At first glance, these may seem to be odd items on a list of how to grow intellectually. However, doing these basic things are key to being spiritually centered; when we are spiritually centered and have the Holy Ghost with us, our ability to learn is enhanced. Since one role of the Spirit is to enlighten our understanding, we can comprehend principles in every field of study more readily when the Spirit is with us.

· Attend Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment Meetings. They truly do enrich us personally. Through the years, I have learned many new skills at Enrichment and Homemaking meetings: how to budget and invest money, bake pies, care for gardens, decorate, teach phonics, crochet, analyze literature, paint, and much more. These meetings are also a great place for socializing and learning from others' experiences and training. Some of my most important learning came while I was helping my ward do humanitarian projects where we were putting love into action.

· The most important scholarship is gospel understanding. Luckily, we have rich resources to draw from. Read the scriptures and the writings of the prophets and general authorities, including the lesson materials for Sunday School and Relief Society. Your study will bring you new insights to enrich your life and broaden your mind so that you can increase your understanding of the gospel. It takes a lifetime (and more) to comprehend it all! The Lord is "pouring down knowledge from heaven upon [us]" (Doctrine and Covenants 121:33). Let's get a bucket and catch it!

· Accept a calling in the Church and then delve into it. Every calling I've received has kicked me right out of my comfort zone (Yikes!) and into a new realm. When I've embraced callings as opportunities to not only serve, but also to learn and do something new, I have grown. Most callings require new skills or knowledge. So enjoy the opportunity to expand your mind!

· Sign up for Institute. In addition to Institute courses offered on college and university campuses, many stakes and regions also offer Institute classes. They are often taught on a weekly basis by a part-time instructor. Institute classes are free or have a very small administrative fee.

Learn a New Skill

· Take piano, guitar, art, or other lessons from a specialist in the neighborhood. Can't afford it? See if you can trade your services for their lessons: housecleaning, yard work, sewing, canning, errand running, bookkeeping, babysitting, or anything else you are skilled in can be offered.

· Learn how to use a new computer program. Ask your children or a friend to help you. (My third-grade daughter recently taught me Power Point.) Or check out a how-to book at the library.

· Have a home-improvement project? Learn how to do it yourself. I have a friend who's learned to repair her own appliances, hang dry wall, and fix her car.

· Buy a new game, learn how to play it, and teach it to your family. Game playing can increase your reasoning skills and expand your intellect as you learn new rules and strategies . . . and it's fun! Bonus feature: you'll also build friendships with your spouse and children. Playing games is one of our family's weekly traditions. Here's some of our favorite games that may be new to you: Apples to Apples, Settlers of Catan, Carcasonne, Bohnanza, Loot, and Canasta. (You can get them in specialty stores or order them from game sites, such as FunAgain.com).

Formal Coursework

This is an excellent option when your life's pace slows down a little--such as when all of your children are old enough to go to school or when you become an empty nester.

· Enroll in a community class. These inexpensive classes are usually offered by the city, county, or school district. A huge range of courses are offered--yoga, karate, painting, computer skills, languages, scrapbooking, family relations, investing, budgeting, and on and on.

· Take an independent study course from a college or university. They can be taken for college credit or merely for personal enrichment. I enrolled in BYU's independent study courses when my youngest child entered Kindergarten. The courses were an excellent way for me to receive formal university-level instruction while maintaining the flexibility I needed to accommodate the needs of my family. I was able to study on my own schedule, and I had a year to complete the coursework. Most independent study classes from BYU are inexpensive, and it is easy to get scholarships (if you are a good student) to help cover tuition. To succeed at these courses, you must be self-motivated. Also be aware that when compared to traditional classroom courses, independent study usually requires much more homework. Go to byu.edu for more information.

· Consider returning to school to finish (or begin) a college degree. After three years of independent study courses, I enrolled at a local university to pursue a bachelor's degree. I attend part-time so that I can still meet my family's needs. Grants and scholarships are available for non-traditional students. Ask for information at the scholarship office.

· Many colleges and universities offer low-cost classes to senior citizens--as low as $10 per credit hour, if the classes are just audited.

Be Realistic

Some days will just be hard and mind-numbing, especially if you've been up all night calming a screaming baby, tending a vomiting child, reassuring a stressed-out husband, or waiting for an overdue teen. Sometimes the washing machine will catch fire, the garage door opener will explode, and the car will break down--all on the same day. You may have a week or two where every family member, including yourself, is ill and you are lucky just to get through each day alive. Take these times in stride and celebrate the days when you learn just one new idea.

Give Yourself Credit

Remember, you've already mastered many new skills in order to survive motherhood thus far. You've probably gleaned knowledge from all over just to figure out how to take care of your children and manage your household. I could write a book on 999 Ways to Fail at Potty Training or one titled Decoding the Teenage Shrug: A Trip through Cloud Coo-Coo Land. It's likely that new moms now look to you for advice on things you were clueless about just a few months ago!

It takes brains to run a family budget and stay within its parameters. They say that necessity is the mother of invention. Some of my most creative moments came when there was no money for groceries or decorating. I reinvented a taco salad recipe in order to stretch a half-pound of hamburger to feed six people, and created a family favorite. My mom (Sound of Music style) made my siblings and me clothing from drapery remnants. Maybe you create works of art from cast-off items or have figured out how to feed a family of five on just $300 a month.

Recognize the creative energies you release every day without even being aware of them. It takes a lot of creative wisdom to figure out how to get a balky toddler to take their yucky medicine or to pack a diaper bag with enough supplies to feed, clothe, diaper, and entertain one or more children for a day.

It takes superior brainpower to negotiate bedtimes, curfews, and automobile regulations with teens, not to mention helping them with pre-calculus and A.P. English. How many people do you know that can hold a baby, cook dinner, help children with homework, and organize compassionate service for three neighbors--all at the same time? I'll bet most of us have done all of these things--often on a daily basis! This is more than multi-tasking, it's your smarts at work!

Janice Stringham LeFevre lives in Kaysville, Utah, with her sweetheart and three teenage children. She is a historian and freelance writer with works in literary magazines and academic journals.

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