Tying Another Knot
by
AS LATTER-DAY SAINTS, WE ENTER INTO
marriage with strong commitment and great hopes
for a long, joyful relationship in this life and the next.
However, whether through divorce or the death of
a spouse, many Church members find themselves
unexpectedly single again. Some are able to move
forward by falling in love and remarrying. And while
second marriages come with many unique challenges,
such as blending families and overcoming
grief, they can be both successful and rewarding.
Here are some insights from six people who have
graciously agreed to share some of their greatest
challenges and greatest joys of second marriages
with us.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO LAUGH
I found myself a widow at age twenty-seven with two small daughters.
As dearly as I loved my husband, he was not with us any more. Was I
to live the rest of my life raising our children alone and living alone?
This can be a very diffi cult decision for many who fi nd themselves
single again after being married.
Having been very aware of the joys and challenges of marriage, I
wasn't as naive and optimistic as I was at nineteen, when I was married
the fi rst time. At twenty-seven, with children, I was keenly aware of
the seriousness of choosing another husband.
After some time had passed, a good friend arranged a blind date
with a widower she knew. Talk about terrifying! But we actually
enjoyed each other's company and had things to talk about because
we both were widowed and both had children. We dated for several
months, and then spent the holidays separately, to honor the holiday
memories we had made previously.
We were married in the spring and took a spring break trip, just
the eight of us. I'm not sure what we were thinking when we entered
into this marriage, but as they say, go into marriage with eyes wide
open, and thereafter, have eyes half shut.
Making a second marriage successful can be very fun, but quite
challenging. We spent a lot of time on our knees, pleading for direction.
While alone, I found myself having many conversations with the
"other wife," asking how to best guide and love her children. I know
that she helped me, because sometimes I would say something and
my husband would say, "That's just what she would have said."
We also had our own adjustments to make between the two of us.
Sometimes we would slip and call each other the wrong name. It just
would happen, and we would have to laugh and know that it was all
good. We had to learn not to compare each other to our fi rst spouses.
We were different, and sometimes different was good. I often felt that
I was being compared to a perfect person. I think when someone
young and vibrant dies, those left behind often venerate that person
to an imaginative degree, and I felt, as the new wife, that I simply
couldn't compete with perfection.
As I learned that no one is perfect, I gradually have tried to stop
being disappointed with myself for being human. I have learned to
love someone else's children as my own. I have learned to love and
forgive and move on, while remembering good things and sweet
times and cherished memories. One of our favorite family activities
is to watch old home movies on Sunday evenings. It is vitally
important for our children to have these memories and to know
that ours is one big family, even though some members have
gone on ahead.
--DAWN CANNARIATO
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